The art of giving...

[MissFebruary]

So. Assume A and B are close family.

A wants to buy something for B, who doesn't have much money. Lets say A buys B a jumper. Should A ask B what she would like, or should A buy a present which she likes?

A is the person spending the money and being generous, so she should get to buy a gift which is to her taste. She should have the pleasure of choosing something which she thinks is nice with her money.

Or

B is the person who is receiving the gift and has to actually wear it, and she doesn't get many new clothes. Its a waste of money to buy something that she doesn't like or, as has happened before, doesn't fit for whatever reason so she should be included in the buying process for the e.g. jumper??

Should B consider herself lucky and grateful for whatever she receives? After all, she can't afford it so anything is a bonus...

This isn't really about a jumper...

If A really wants to make B happy then maybe she should include her in the buying process (or stick the receipt in with the present).Especially so if B doesn't have money to treat herself with.
On the other hand, A is entitled to the pleasure of choosing something nice as it's her money.
Maybe A could buy something really nice for herself as a reward for selfless giving.

Ideally, A should ask B what she wants, or buy B something she thinks B will like and also say "in case it's not to your taste I have the receipt so you can swap it"

But if A doesn't do this I think B should just smile sweetly and say thank you. (And then eBay the unwanted jumper). B certainly can't say "actually I'd rather you got me X"

Probably a bit of both - if A and B have similar taste, then A should choose something she feels B would like.
However, if they have very different tastes, or A isn't sure of B's tastes, and would expect B to wear the jumper (or whatever), then asking would probably be the best way to go

(have I read it right? or have I just spouted out a load of bollocks?)

A should try and think of Bs style and buy something she thinks she would like, with the offer that she can change it if she wants to. There is no point in A buying something that she likes if it is something that B will not like.

I often get my dad a jumper for a present and I always try and go with the style I know he wears. I think it works as I do see him in the tops. I always tell him that he can change them. I have no problem with people changing presents if they have it/doesn't fit or not to their style.

If someone doesn't have much money, ask them what they would like and get exactly what they say.

I always think that you should give to make the receiver feel happy not so that you have the pleasure of buying and giving.

In fact I think that giving that makes the giver feel good can actually be wrong if the gift been given is not making the receiver feel very good which is surely the whole point of giving.

what is the point in buying something for someone when you know that they won't like it, use it, wear it etc?

if you want to buy something that you like, get it for yourself!

Its even worse if your in need of something, or have no means to get something yourself, and your given a present which you think will be something great, something you will like, and then actually it turns out that the close family relative has bought you a gift without any thought to your own taste.

that my dear is bad manners.

The first option just doesn't make sense to me at all. What a waste, and what a way to make everyone feel awkward. It's not really giving with a very "generous" spirit if you give no thought to the pleasure of the recipient. It's just showing off your taste and supposed generosity. Do people really do that?

(If the giver doesn't know the receiver's taste, then better to go for a safe option that more or less everyone can use, like a fancy bubble bath, rather than something like clothes where individual taste and fit matter very much.)