To want someone else to give what I cant to my dc

[chipsandgravy]

I have beed a sahm for a 2 years but now I feel I need to find another job, I do one day a week but not enough need something else.
I always thought it was me to be a sahm but I have lost my self confidence,self esteem and feel we all be happier if I worked, my mil looks after them once a month I dislike it ,and yes im greatful but far from happy with arrangement its not how I want them looked after but have no choice at present.
I think I should go back to work and either get a job in term time or work pt or fulltime and get a childminder?, but im scared and dont know what I would do, cant work evening's as dp works long hours.
I dont want mil to look after them as they need routine and structure and they dont get that , im prepared to pay for it maybe half my wages.
Thing is I have felt down recently and I feel I have let my children down by not doing loades with them and for not being really maternal and being the mum I was hping to be,aibu.

Hi, I'm not realy sure what you're asking to be honest, but if you want confirmation that you may be happier and better off working, then I'd say, yes, you probably would be.

Not everyone's cut out to be a SAHM, I went back to work pt 10 weeks after DS1 and 5 months after DS2 (in the olden days before generous ML) and going back albeit part time was the best thing for all of us as I was deeply bored at home all day, but working 3 days a week was a better balance.

I don't know whether you get tax credits, but you need to do a quick calculation of how they would change if you do, and if you get a job working more hours.

So far as childcare is concerned, remember that you can get vouchers from age 3 so even though at first you may be paying a high proportion of your salary in childcare, that will get better in time.

What sort of work are you looking for?

Sorry for apalling grammar and spelling

Appalling even. WTF is wrong with me today....

Not really sure something that I can fit in around kids so that I can get holidays of with them,if not I would work in a office,receptionist,hr etc.
Any ideas?.

What about working at a local school so you get the same hols?

just to clarify as mumblechum mentioned vouchers - if you mean childcare vouchers you can get them at any age. 3 is when you start getting free nursery hours.
OP, you say
"Thing is I have felt down recently and I feel I have let my children down by not doing loades with them and for not being really maternal and being the mum I was hping to be,aibu. "
i do think this is fairly common mummy guilt. I feel like this a lot, but console myself with the fact it can be changed (unlike other things), and i'm making more of an effort. For me, that means working and having time away from them, sorry if that sounds dreadfu but i couldn't be a sahm, think it's one of the hardest jobs, and am impressed by people who manage it.

I thought about that but not sure if I have the experience? where would I look for that type of a job please.

p.s. 2 years at home with only one day off a month (probably spent stressing about the care they're receiving) is full on!
No wonder you need a break.
BTW, if you're worried about offending your MIL, just say you want the children socialising with others at playgroup/ nursery. There's no arguing with that.

Depends what kind of job you're prepared to do. Cleaning/ kitchen assistant jobs don't require experience as such. What about being a classroom assistant? Or do you want to spend more time with adults?
I'd phone the jobcentre and get an appointment. They should help you decide what your skills are and which jobs would suit you. They also should have info on working tax/ child tax credits and the type of help your local authority provides with childcare. Our LA provides childcare incentives to get young mothers back into training or work so it's worth asking.

Spb you took the words out of my mouth are you me in disguise?, its not for me either, ds at school dd starts playgroup in sep.
I want my life back I want to be me again and need something more than this.

Hairymelons I did look into being a Teaching Assistant and was prepared to go to college as well but made excuses etc, I would be happier working with children, was a reg childminder.
Not sure when or where to start looking as dd starts playgroup sep which I pay for untill Jan 2011 which it is then paid for.

I'd google teaching assistant & your area. You'll get an idea of wages and skill requirements at least.
They'll probably start advertising for September jobs in the next few months.
If finances aren't your primary motivation, have you considered volunteering at a childrens centre or something? Or running a playgroup? There's loads of voluntary work you could do with kids. Again, I'd just google your home town and voluntary work.
Think there's also something on the directgov website about voluntary organisations. Sorry that's a bit vague.
If you're feeling a bit lost about what you want to do, do try the jobcentre though. I know they have a really bad rep but I've found them good.
Hope you find something you enjoy soon, it's good for the soul

And finally ;)......
Just had a look at my local council website. Had all jobs relating to local childrens services on one page so maybes give that a try.

i could of wrote this op too !! i have had 4 years of being a sahm and my ds starts school in september, i have started a home learning course and i'm hoping to be quallified by xmas and then either work from home or get a full time job. could you look into doing home learning or perhaps going to college/night school ?