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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sodding mother!

5 replies

pandora69 · 25/02/2010 10:49

Just want a rant really.

My mother has been back from her holiday for just under a week. She lives in our annex and looks after my daughter in our home when I am at work, and when I am not working she goes to stay with my sister. I am trying to start up a new job at the moment as I cannot do my regular job when pregnant (I am 13 weeks atm.) So I am at home and she is at home too.

So far, since getting back from holiday, she has told me it was my fault her dogs nearly killed one of my chickens because I didn't look after her dogs well enough while she was away (I didn't actually volunteer to look after them, nor was I asked. They were just left with me with an assumption.) She then told me it was my fault her dogs chewed my pony's grooming kit because I had foolishly left my brushes in the pony's stable and that's 'the dogs' stable. They need to go in a stable now because they have destroyed the dog run (that's how they got out and let the chickens out too.)

This morning I was on the phone to the PALS service from the hospital where I had DD, explaining that I would like to access my notes due to various problems last time that I would like to avoid this time, and my mother very loudly said 'Oh, give it a rest!' I asked the lady on the phone to excuse me a minute and then told my mother to shut up or get out. She left.

She has told me repeatedly that I am 'going on' about my daughter's birth whenever I speak to healthcare professionals on the phone. She always seems to be lurking there to pass comment. She also goes on about my sister having no trouble with the NHS with either of her babies (I am using an independent midwife and having private scans.) She often comments that there must be something wrong with me as all 3 of her babies 'fell out.'

I am struggling to get any information out of the NHS atm, and it is taking a lot of letters and phone calls to try and get my notes (I know I am legally entitled to them, but trying to get them out of the hospital with any sense of urgency is proving difficult. So far they have acknowledged that I have applied for them and have stated they are in a queue. Apparently the 40 days to provide them starts from when they start processing the application, not when they receive it.) The last thing I need is my mother making unhelpful comments that the woman on the other end of the phone can hear.

I suppose I need to add an AIBU to justify my post, so AIBU to have told her to shut up or get out? She thinks I am!

OP posts:
cory · 25/02/2010 10:58

She sounds very annoying. I would sort out paid childcare so I didn't have to have her hanging around the house all the time, if I were you. Then let her rent the annexe or find other accommodation, but do try to get out of a situation which means she has a perfectly legitimate reason to be hanging around your house.

bubblagirl · 25/02/2010 10:59

i don't think yabu about her attitude towards your concerns the dogs i would have presumed you would look after them beings she looks after your dd for you it would only be right if she's not there and you live in same place you would return favour and watch her dogs for her

im not sure of your relationship otherwise as i would never tell my mum to shut up regardless of what she said so im guessing in general you dont really see eye to eye

i would maybe sit your mum down and explain your concerns but from your post i dotn see that you maybe are that close to do that

bubblagirl · 25/02/2010 11:01

maybe you do need to sort out other childcare and then let your mum do her own thing so not around you all the time you seem to not be able to do that so maybe it could help you both get on more to have the extra space away and the reliance

Lovesdogsandcats · 25/02/2010 11:14

Well, as someone who also has a self centred mother, I am now good at spotting them a mile off - you are definately not BU, and I also would have told her to shut it or get out...and as the door was closing behind her would have let out a huge sigh of relief.

pigletmania · 25/02/2010 11:15

Aggh I know how you feel, my DM can be like that too, though not as bad as she has learnt quickly i will not take it. Some people never change, and the older they are, the more set in their ways they become and they think that they are right, my mum is like that. I have talked to my mum frankly, and mum loves seeing dd and knows that if she starts her nonsense we will not have her to stay every month, so she knows the score to keep her mouth in check. I would never deny her seeing dd 2.11, but i dont drive and she lives in London, so she comes by train to see us which is easier for us both. When dd is a bit older i will take her to mum on the train, but at the moment she comes with a lot of paraphanalia and dh works long hours so cant always drive us there.

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