to be upset with bf about ex wife?

[toothgenie]

Last Friday bf didn?t tell me that his ex wife was coming into see him for a check up (he?s a dentist) and then be told that she was taking him out for something to eat to say thank you? We work together in adjoining rooms. (I know the rules about not dating colleagues) She doesn?t know about me, neither do his parents. They have been separated for 18 mths; we started seeing each other a year ago. I just feel that he should have been more open. I have spent hours listening to how awful she has been and am surprised he?d give her the time of day. He says there?s no need for me to feel insecure and that she?s just being friendly.

Mmm, questions to be answered: why didn't he tell you? Why don't his parents or ex-wife know about you, given that you've been together for a whole year? How come they were able to be friendly, given what he's told you? Of those, I'd say the middle one is the most important.

There may be reasonable explanations for everything but he needs to talk to you. You're not being insecure, don't let him make this about you.

I'd be pissed off too. You've been with him for a year and he hasn't told his parents about you? That's odd.

mAnd lunch with his ex who also doesn't know about you?

I'd be suspicious. He sounds dodgy tbh.

Well, she's left it a bit late to be friendly...

YANBU. I'd be quite cross too.

If there's nothing to hide, why hide it, I say? - that's what I'd say to him.

Having said that - this I'd just say to you, it's probably just fine, and I bet he was just concerned you would not like the idea and that's the only reason he didn't say. BUT that doesn't mean you cannot give him a piece of your mind. I'd say he needs to understand you need to know there is nothing he would hide from you, and that nothing means nothing.

I'm sorry, but if you're a secret, he's not your boyfriend, it's an affair. Get rid.

echoing what the others are saying..

You've been with him a YEAR and he's not told his parents? Nor even mentioned to the ex that he was even seeing someone?

Tbh, that's not good. I'd be sitting him down and asking for explanations FAST if I were you.

If he comes up with a whole lot of guff, you seriously need to put some space between you and him.

If he doesn't step up, and i mean ALL the way up too, then he's treating you like a bit on the side, and you deserve so much better than that.

Thx for replies, you have all reassured me that I am thinking straight. I'm afraid this isn't the only occassion this sort of thing has happened. He doesn't accept that my feelings are important or valid. I'm afraid he's history before my self confidence hits rock bottom. It does feel like I've been having an affair.

OMG You are being led very prettily up the garden path. Stick to the dumping idea (got a feeling though that he will talk you round!)

No more talking round. He was already on a second chance. Determind, especially now I feel more confident that I'm not being unreasonable.

what were the circumstances of you getting together? Is there a reason he does not want to be open about your relationship? Do other members of staff know?

I am a dentist and see my ex husband for check ups after which we go out for lunch, sometimes with ex mil.

I would usually mention it to my now dh, but might forget sometimes.

Are you sure the XW is actually the X W? You're right to bin him BTW as he doesn't sound much of a prize. But don't be too hard on yourself for having initially fallen for bullshit, most of us generally expect people not to lie to us because most people are basically quite nice and honest and ethical.

YANBU - he is, without a doubt. It does sound like you are better off out of this.

Jasper We have worked in the same practice for a while and when he was seperated it developed from there. We were and always have been discreet. Nobody knew for 6mths. It won't seem any different to anyone else if we dont see each other out of work. My problem btw wasnt that he saw his ex wife but that he didnt tell me. Incidently he has another female friend (who I dont feel threatened by) who doesnt know about me. I have taken a step back in view of the fact we have to work together. It seems to be working well so far. He's not all bad.
Thanks for your views.

hmmmm I'd get rid tbh.

He keeps things from you and he keeps you a secret from his parents and his friends? He's not worth it in that case.

He is dodgy as all hell. Drop before you get burned badly.