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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that offering scans at a baby show is bloody ridiculous?

52 replies

OtterInaSkoda · 23/02/2010 18:08

Apparently they do this.

You can visit a stand at one of these baby shows and have "your baby's first heartbeats recorded in a teddy to take home forever".

Poster on another forum was surprised that they scanned her as well as using a Doppler, and discovered sadly that she was having a MMC.

Clearly wherever you discover that something is wrong with a pregnancy, it's going to be distressing and traumatic. But AIBU to think that scanning women at shows like this is bloody irresponsible? It just seems wrong, wrong, wrong to me.

Sorry for crap link (you'll have to scroll half way down a long page to find the ad) but anyway, some evidence that I've not dreamed this teddy heartbeat thing up (I was pretty incredulous myself tbh): Baby Show

BTW please don't be harsh on the woman for choosing to visit the stand - I know this is AIBU but this is my AIBU and not hers, iyswim. It would be awful if she stumbled across this thread and I'd put her in the line of fire.

OP posts:
Petitioner · 23/02/2010 20:29

Ultrasound is an unprotected profession.... which means anyone can do it.

In the NHS it's likely to be a specially qualified DMU / PgDMU midwife/sonographer

Private practice? Could be anyone

Are baby show scans ethical? No.

What's driving it? er the public! Us mums

runnybottom · 23/02/2010 20:38

I don't think I would have cared where I was when I found out about my late MMC. Could have been at a baby show or at the bloody circus, I'm quite sure it couldn't have been much worse.

Nobody is forcing women to get them, its on their own heads really, and you could argue that there was a benefit to finding out as soon as possible.

Petitioner · 23/02/2010 20:57

runnybutt - part of me agrees with you
A big part of me knows that the way I learnt about my missed made all the difference to how I coped and recovered

Firawla · 23/02/2010 21:00

that is awful
ive seen those scan things @ baby show before, i did find it a little weird but never thought of this eventuality. in that case i dont think they should do it, it would be much better for people to find that news in a hospital not in the baby show, cant even imagine how upsetting that would be for someone. quite irresponsible to do this service then..

Lucyellensmumma · 23/02/2010 21:43

Oh, Its horrible - i would never do this because i am paranoid pete and would think i was somehow tempting fate. Also, isn't there a miniscule element of risk with scanning too much? My boss's wife was pregnat, there was some sort of issue iwth the pregnancy i think, that needed monitoring - Boss was a vet and we had a brand shiney new ultrasound machine so he asked if he could scan his wife - he was advised against it.

nanny2mummy · 23/02/2010 22:29

I had 4 mmc befor I had my DS
to be honest I couldn't care less where I was at a point when they told me 4 times my baby had died
I was so numb it made no difference
oh and everytime I left the scan room in tears I was met by curious looks of other women waiting to be scanned, so wether it be at NHS hospital or private scan, really made no diffenece

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/02/2010 22:50

Gah that whole site is horrible.

'The Baby Show....an essential part of having a baby.' Um, I don't think so

CBC, Annabel Karmel all over the place. Yuck, yuck.

nanny2mummy · 24/02/2010 10:34

OK
scans aside

why are baby shows so bad????
I think they can be very informative especialy for first time parents

and seriously, what is wrong with Anabel karmel???

I hate seeing babies being fed jars of food, I would think Anabels cook book is a much better option to jars

BariatricObama · 24/02/2010 10:37

you don't need a baby show for information. baby shows disgust me because they are about screwing as much money as possible out of new parent through a combination of fear and guilt. shite like the tummy shield is a good example. and as for fecking teddy with a recording of the baby's heart beat words fail me.

Maria2007loveshersleep · 24/02/2010 10:45

YANBU.

But on the other hand: so many women have dopplers at home, which to me is equally suspect, and they often get VERY worried if they can't catch the hb while actually it can be hard to always get the hb if you're not trained to use the doppler properly.

As for the frequency of mc. Yes, mcs are very common BUT most happen very early i.e. if a scan is done at 5/6 weeks there might be no heartbeat at all. After having a good scan at 5/6 weeks (seeing a heartbeat) then the chances of something going wrong after that point fall dramatically. IMO that's why early scans (which the NHS doesn't offer) could be a good idea, that way there would be far fewer women who find out about their 'missed mc' as late as 12 weeks, most would find out very early which surely is better. I was in hospital for the early part of my pregnancy & had quite a few very early scans, that's why I was told all this.

nanny2mummy · 24/02/2010 10:46

well each to their own
just because you don't like something doesn't mean it is not good
never heard of tummy shield though! what on earth is it???

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/02/2010 13:41

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BariatricObama · 24/02/2010 14:04

or this the potty that pours!!!!! wtf.
basiclly they are out to fleece first time parent who still have 2 incomes adn more money than sense

standandeliver · 24/02/2010 14:37

Despise baby shows.

Not entirely comfortable with the idea of scans being used for 'bonding' purposes, rather than as a diagnostic tool. There have been questions raised about the long term safety of ultrasound for babies. OK - no proven risk, but concerns. Not really an issue if scan is being used as a diagnostic tool, but worth considering if being used for non-medical reasons.

[http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/ultrasoundrodgers.asp autismandultrasound]]

MorrisZapp · 24/02/2010 14:58

Agree it's crass in general, but I also agree with nanny2. My best friend had 2 mmc's in a row, both times she was told to go back and wait in the waiting room before the consultant could come, and she was surrounded with happy parents, breast is best posters etc.

I agree it's better to have the consultants on hand, but as for the surroundings making you more upset, what could be worse than lots of excited couples leaving with their scan pictures.

PrettyCandles · 24/02/2010 15:11

I really don't see what the big deal is. You can buy Doppler machines to DIY at home - I wonder how many parents freak out because they can't find a heartbeat, when it's simply that they're not using it properly.

If I were to have a MMC I would rather find out about it earlier, and I don't think I'd give a monkeys about where I was - I wouldn't see it through the tears.

And as for the teddy, well, I think that's tacky. But OTOH I recorded ds1's heartbeat at my a-n appointments and sent the tape to my grandfather and aunt. I still have a copy.

yummyyummyyummy · 24/02/2010 17:18

I think the OPs POV is a bit patronising , assuming women are too stupid to know that there is a small ,but possible, risk of something wrong being discovered.

MorrisZapp · 24/02/2010 17:53

Fair point YYY, but I'd say that most women who haven't had a MC think it'll probably happen to somebody else not them.

My friend knew there was a risk when she went for her scan but like all the other couples there, she was mainly just excited to see the baby.

Intellectually knowing there's a risk is one thing, actually being OK with that if it went wrong in a baby fair setting is another.

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/02/2010 17:59

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MorrisZapp · 24/02/2010 18:02

Agree SGM. I was horrified when I found out it was one in five.

I had imagined maybe one in a hundred.

I blame the media etc - I grew up watching tv shows in which women look at pregnancy tests and say 'I'm going to have a baby!' and of course then they do.

Nobody in my family had MC and I thought it was a rare thing that only affected a few people. I have learned v quickly on that score.

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/02/2010 18:10

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twotimes · 24/02/2010 18:15

You know (going a bit off point here), but picking up on what a few people have said, I think MC/MMC's are still taboo almost. If you've had one it's not really like you want to go spreading it around. If a friend tells you they are pregnant you don't suddenly start regaling them with the possibilities of MC and so unless it's something you have been through, I don't think you would see one of these booths and think "oh I hope it's good news". I think until you've had a MC, or are particularly paranoid you pretty much assume it's going to be ok.

Having said that, I did feel like having the scan pictures helped me to bond a bit more, my baby had a huge nose and as soon as we saw it both dh and I thought "has dh's nose". And had I been a first time mom, and wondered into the baby show, I would have desperately wanted one!

Original poster
OtterInaSkoda · 25/02/2010 11:19

twotimes - I totally agree. MC is taboo. MN is the only place I openly talk about mine. The only RL pepole who know about mine are my dp and three friends.

YYY I can see why you'd find my OP patronising but as others have said, I don't think people realise just how common MC is. I also think we tend to assume that these things will happen to someone else.

Apparently the woman who discovered her MC at the baby show has contacted the organisers who've informed her that companies at their show are only meant to offer scans to women over 24 weeks.

OP posts:
Morloth · 25/02/2010 11:22

I think it is probably a bad idea but I also think individual women are capable of making their own decisions about it so have no problem with it being offered.

What are baby shows about? The one near here was like 18 quid to get it! Do you get a show bag or something?

yummyyummyyummy · 25/02/2010 20:58

Morriszapp- i don't think being ok with it depends what setting you are in.I was discovered to have a MMC at 10 weeks

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