To have sent my daughter to school crying and with no tie....

[Ladyanonymous]

First day back today, checked last night with her 3 times she "had everything ready for school" 3 times she says "yes mum" getting increasingly more irritated with me.

Ten minutes before we are due to leave this morning she can't find her tie or her PE shorts, mass panic ensues and I stop getting ready for work and help her search. Her room is such a complete shit pit (even though she was sent back to finish "tidying" on at least 4 occasions on Sunday with crap shoved into every cack and crevace you can find).

I lost it, went mental at her and made her get in the car (I am part of a school run and was running late for that and work) with neither, knowing full well she will be in the shit at school today. She cried all the way to school and was still crying (slightly) when I drove away.

I have felt like a bitchwhore mother all day....AIBU?

But what are you going to do Cadelaide - make everyone else in the lift share wait and get stressed and possibily be late for school and be late for work yourself while you spoonfeed a child who is old enough to take responsibility for themselves?

It's easy to spot the spoonfed kids at school - they're the ones who think the whole world revolves around them and have no coping strategies when the teacher won't drop everything to find their lost bag/homework/whatever. Well done OP for teaching your kid life skills.

YANBU or a bitchwhore. You asked her if she had everything ready the night before and she said that she did. The only other thing that you could have done was check that she was ready after she said she was which would have been ludicrous or made yourself and everyone else late looking for everything yourself in the morning.

Oh sunnydelight thats a bit harsh and I dont think its entirely true ....my ds are both pampered tis my own fault I know .

OP having been in this situation I hastily borrowed one from a friend who was off ill and now have bought a spare tie that only I know where it is and if they need it -theres a punishment.

I do everything I can to avoid stress in the morning.

Im a sahm so I view it as my 'job'.

At my school they used to have a collection of gaudy joke ties that they would make people wear if they had forgotten theirs. The threat of humiliation meant that I never forgot mine!

Nickschick - wohms try to avoid stress in the morning too!

OP - you did the right thing and I would have done the same. Our kids nee to learn there are deadlines and consequences. You sent her to school without her tie, you didn't sell her into slavery! Don't be so hard on yourself.

not entirely sure how being a SAHM or WOHM makes a difference nickschick.

OP i think you were quite restrained - there is nothing that sends me into the crazy zone more than running late and not being able to find things, tis a recipe for thermal meltdown.

bet she loses it again though!! lol

Personally i think school ties are pants, there will be parents up and down the country right at this very moment, turning the place upside down looking for ties. They are a pain in the arse, quite frankly having to have the top button done up and the tie strangulating looking neat is uncomfortable. Then when they get to secondary school it becomes a fashion accessory and usually worn around the waist!

Abolish the tie, thats what i say

YANBU, and that's with my parent hat and my teacher's hat on simultaneously.
Agreed that the age makes a difference, and she should sort her stuff the night before.
Are you in my playground nickschick? The one holding coats, backpacks, lunchboxes, violin and full PE kits whilst your lads run around unencumbered?

"Personally i think school ties are pants"

Wow! LEM that would be quite a thong!

She probably thought she had everything ready. I guess you will double check next time and not just assume she has got it right. Sadly her coming to school without her tie will reflect on you rather than her, you being the responsible adult. But alas, frustrating it is when everyone is busy, it is the last thing you need!

"I guess you will double check next time and not just assume she has got it right"

Really? Wouldn't that just mean she never bothered to really think things through because her mum will always do the thinking for her?

She does have a spare...which is missing as well .

She came home to all the shite in her room in a black sack.

This morning was remarkably calm

Longtalljosie, well, I guess a lazy child would!

Truly, YABU.
Sorry. I would have asked her get everything ready and then an hour before bedtime, asked her to show me it all.It would have given you time to make her find the rest of the stuff of help her to do so.

Perhaps now use this experience to show her that if her room was tidy and everything had a place she would be less stressed. She would have more time for fun stuff as it would take less time to find stuff. Could you take some time out this weekend and do a bit of teamwork and clear it all up...once and for all...

My year 7 girl has to clean her room every weekend...Tidy,wipe and vacuum and if it is done, gets her pocket money Sun eve.
She has learned that if she lets it get into a real mess throughout the week it takes longer to do so it is quite good every day now. Thank goodness!

mrspoppins...we do have a big clean out...every few months

We used to too when she was in yr 6 but towards the end, we started weekly only because once in yr 7, I felt she should be absolutely responsible and I told her I wouldn't be helping her check anymore so we started it in about the May of her yr6 and so far she seems to have swum not sunk!!

Also, the amount of stuff in yr 7 increased hugely for us. She went from state to grammar. Her friends who went to private junior schools had got much more used to having loads of stuff to sort out!

It's a difficult thing for me to judge because I went to boarding school at 11 (forces) and so from that age had to organise everything for myself, including sewing back on shirt buttons etc. So perhaps I expect too much? DD1 is only 6 months old, though, plenty of time for me to readjust my expectations!

What I meant was that as a sahm i have kind of fell into the trap of becoming responsible for everything and have thus found ways to cut my stress - no detriment to wohm at all in fact I was a wohm too its only ds2s illness that keeps me at home.

Sorry if ive offended you,I didnt mean to.

for those struggling to organise themselves print them a list eg tie, shirt, trousers, pe kit, etc etc and laminate it. Put it in their room so they can have a check-list to go by - if they still cant sort themselves out then definatly punish them.

No Goblinchild im not - to be fair in the height of my tie criticism Im the mum who raises lots of money for your school,who sets up displays in your classes and hallways,the mum that ensures all school pets are fed,I do occasionally come in and clean the manky stuff out of the staff fridge,im the mum who will dash to tesco and buy flowers from school for the mid day supervisors birthday -Im the mum who makes sure all the altar boys and girls have clean gowns,occasionally I do the priests ironing and cook him the odd lunch on sunday if theres been a lot of deaths in the parish.

Im also the mum who takes some childrens uniform home to wash by accident because that child has an enuresis problem and his parents dont do anything to help him.

Im the mum that sorts through lost property returning everything to its rightful owners.

Im also the mum who helps write the special needs funding forms (im a qualified NNEB) I will come into school and 'hold the fort' when your year 4 teacher has a 'problem'....

Im not a pushy mum I live in a poorer area had a shit childhood myself and will help any child have a better time in school than I did.

Thats why even though I now H.E our youngest if I go to school for my godsons assemblies or performances im welcomed personally and why I can walk through my area relatively safely bcos all the children I helped are now the teenagers hanging on street corners.

Very maudlin post im not seeking any praise from you fellow mums,just the reasoning why I pamper my dc.

YANBU...my youngest is yr5 and both himself and school know he is responsible for his own PE Kit/Uniform/Reading quota being met etc.

I have had notes home saying Kactus child has not read for 2 weeks...I sent note back saying Kactus child hasn't asked me to listen to him read for 2 weeks. Therefore Kactus child is not taking responsibility for his own reading as is the agreement at home. I am available to listen to him read whenever he needs me, so I have/am doing my part if Kactus child chooses to play PS2 instead of reading then Kactus child must take the consequences that school deem fit!

I remind Kactus child every night about his reading but I will not subject myself to an hour long whinge because Kactus child is cross that school make him read.....school set the homework then school can dish out the consequences for non compliance.

I had a note back...it thanked me for my backing of their 'consequences' and for my willingness to teach my child self responsibility!

Kactus thats exactly what my friend has done but it would now appear her ds has chosen me to listen to him read -so twice a week he trots down here and I listen.....its 20 mins and my friend says shed have an hour of whining 10 mins of wailing 10 mins of reading and then a big sulk.

nickschick...you are indeed a fab' friend!

Kactus child had 'the look' from his classroom helper at the lack of entries in his reading record.....he now shoves his book under my nose the minute he gets in from school...15 mins and we are all done!

I barely have time to wipe a cloth around the toilet once a week to relieve it of the dried on shit stains never mind do a weekly bedroom inventory.

Nickschick....are you a real person...

I am ......shall I pinch myself???