to feel lonely?

[mummysgoingmad]

i live miles away from my friends and family. I left my home town to get my degree, fell in love and, well, the rest is history.

I've tried going to the usual places like bounce and rhyme, baby clinic etc. but i dont seem to meet the same people more than twice.

my dp gets in at 7pm so i usually spend everyday with my 15month ds and the conversation isn't exactly thrilling.

How do i go about making new friends when i dont have a job and have no real hobbies of my own (dont really get the time to do anything for myself)

I crave some interesting female adult conversation from time to time. I have a neighbour thats come up from time to time but to be honest, i cant stand her, the only thing she talks about is how many men have looked at her that week or tried to come on to her (she engaged), i quickly lose interest in what ever it is shes talking about.

How do i go about making new friends? ambu to feel lonely even though i have a gorgeous little boy?

Join a group where members are more likely to be there each week, like a toddler swimming class, etc.

I understand about craving adult conversation, I got a job as it was driving me crazy, but in the mean time, Mumsnet kept me sane (well, not exactly sane, but saner, IYWIM )

YNBU

it's so difficult when you are at home on your own with a young child. I always found the usual mother and toddler groups a bit intimidating. It's worth persevering though as ds would surely like playtime with his peers?it could be that it's a bit cliquey if the women have been going a long time, but I'm sure in time it might become easier as they get to become familiar?

I know you say you don't have time for yourself, but it's important that you're happy too, for the sake of ds and dh.

Does dh know how you feel? I'm sure he doesn't want you to feel lonely. Even though he works late perhaps he could look after ds sometimes so you can go out and try a new hobby, something just for you? He'd prob enjoy the time with ds too.

Loneliness is so common but rarely admitted to, I'm sure lots of mums have felt it - even if appearances seem bright.

I hope things get a bit brighter for you
It's definately not unreasonable but you do need to let yourself be a little bit selfish to try and find some other company in your life if it's getting you down. Overall you'd feel happier and your family would benefit from that

i dont think it gets any easier the older you get. I was really lonely after having my boys and even though i went to lots of places i never felt part of any group. It always felt clicky. I am a alot older now and still feel just as lonely as i am now a single parent. I go to sports centres,play badminton ,but never seem to meet anyone that i would settle down with. I dont have high expectations ,i would just like to meet someone who has a pulse.

Prob going to get slated for this for advertising another site, but try netmums.co.uk...I've managed to meet loads of other mums in my area via the site!

will take a peek

I remember that feeling of being alone with one small child. If it's any consolation, things just got better with more children and trying different things and especially now that the dcs are older and I am involved with their school.

I didn't do this myself but isn't the NCT meant to be quite a good organisation with all sorts not only going on but with things that they need your help with.

I agree about more "formal" activities for your dc could be more useful where the same people will go week after week because they have paid for the term. You only need to click with one other parent and that could be a great help.

Can you get involved with any community activities for you and just take your ds along rather than going to just child centred things. Best of luck to you.

Where are you? Have you looked at the mumsnet meet up area?

Thanks for all your tips, i'm going to try netmums etc. i live in glasgow and have tried most of the day classes in my area (west) but i feel because i live in the west end the other mums look down their nose at me as i dont have a 4x4, i dont have a bugaboo buggy and i dont have my ds in designer gear. a few of the classes i have attented like jo jingles was exactly like this and made me feel worse about myslef so i stopped going.

Do you have a Surestart centre near you? They are supposed to be really good for meeting people.

I agree with others that most mums have been in this situation at some point, even those who havent moved away can find themselves isolated especially if they are the first of their peers to have a child.

I found alot of groups cliquey which was difficult as I'm not the particularly confident with folk I dont know, but if you keep attending they soon open up and most folk are always keen to expand their circle of friends.

One thing I have learned is not to be afraid to invite other mums for coffee/drink/whatever as most will jump at the chance

I am originally from the WE (but not one of the posh parts

If you genuinely feel the groups you have attended dont have folk you feel comfortable with, have you ventured a bit further out of the WE.

I should mention, where I live now is considered very posh and the area is "moneyed". A few of my friends have expensive prams, 4x4's and million pound houses but they are genuinely lovely people (and still socialise with me despite me driving a second hand car and owning a Mothercare stroller!).

I suppose what I'm getting at in a roundabout way is that maybe they arent judging you and are just a bit shy with new folk.

sb6699 i think that could be an issue too. The friends i have moved away from i have known for years, some since i was 1. i have tried to join in conversations or offer to bring snacks for the next park outing and they look at me as if to say yeh, right. I helped out at a nct sale last year (arranging everything for the sale the night before the event), explained i had to leave early due to my babysitter having other plans and got a look that could kill, and wasn't even thanked for giving my time! i thought voluntary organisations were supposed to be grateful for any help the recieved.

Just be really forward about asking people to come round for coffee or to meet up, especially if your DS seems to have clicked with their child...you can always put it like "they're getting on so well and I'd like him to have a bit more company his own age, would you be up for meeting in the park" etc. Go for it!

I think it gets more natural as the children get older as well....I was a furriner in a furrin land with dd...and went to the park etc but never got talking to anyone (no playgroups here) Once she got to nursery at 3 and now school, it's easy to meet and make friends with other mums.

And there's always online friends....

What about a gym class? You wouldnt be at pains to make conversation but chatting idly at the end of the first few sessions will be enough for you to judge whether you want to try and establish a friendship.

You then offer to go for "cake and coffee" to replace the calories you have just burned!

What about an evening class just purely for fun rather than education. There are loads on offer and at least you will have something in common with the others their which is a good starting point.

Sorry, "the others there"

Agree with Bucharest, it does get easier as the children get older.

OP it's hard isn't it?

What's working for me is just sheer bloody perserverence. My dc is a few months older than yours, and I've been going to 1 group every week since he was 2 months old. I hated it for a long time, but it is getting better now. I've found that most people aren't snooty, just had been going for longer than me, or already knew people and saw it as a chance to have a tea and chat with them. But as people move on from the group I've become one of the 'older' members and wierdly am now more central to things, without changing anything or suddenly being more popular or fun!

Also one of the genuinely snooty 'I'm too cool to even acknowledge you' mums who was a bit mean to me at the start has had all her pals stop coming in the last few months, and as I now have more people to chat to I see her trying to find new pals, including me!

Regarding asking people for coffee etc.. I find it easiest to casually say, 'oh I can't be bothered to get lunch at home, me and dc are going to a cafe/ park with sandwiches, if you fancy it?' feels much easier when people say no as have put it that we were going anyway!