to want to punch DH for getting the children over excited at bed time

[Helliebean1]

My DH works very hard. Long hours, travels abroad, stressful work and is often home after the children (DD 4, DS3) have gone to bed at 7.30. His hard work has facillitated me being a SAHM for the past 5 years (with the exception of freelance work whenever I can get it) and whilst I am very grateful for having this time, I am desperate to get back to work in some way as apart from needing the money, my brain is turning to mush. I have been looking around but my previous work in film and tv doesn't lend itself to child-friendly hours and starting a new job is fine, but it has to cover the cost of childcare which seems to be impossible to find.

Anyway I say this so you will understand how 'ready' I am for the children to go to bed at 7.30pm...

Probably 3 nights a week my husband arrives home in time for bedtime and is obviously keen to see the children. He will usually have a beer in the kitchen and then come up, but does he offer to finish the bath? Do teeth and pyjamas? Read a story? Have a cuddle? Oh no siree, we'll have a pillow fight shall we? Or why don't we see how high we can jump on the bed? This usually lasts about 20 minutes at which point my DH announces he has to answer some emails, then leaves me to settle 2 hysterical hyper-active children. This can be the difference between them being settle by 7 - 7.45 and gone 9pm. And then I start supper.... It is driving me mad! I have tried to be 'understanding' and have suggsted more tranquil bonding time but then get told to 'chill out' and 'have some fun'. GGGgggrrrr AIBU to be irritated?

nah, but other than disappearing (totally) and letting him get on with the calming down and putting to bed, there's not much to be done. at least if you are out of earshot on a friend's sofa with a glass of wine then it won't be so irritating lol.

leave him alone with them way more often, preferably over a weekend or two. he'll learn.

he's just got used to being fun daddy whilst you are sensible mummy.

(dsis's dh is her fourth child - he's way more trouble than the other three and gees them all up, then loses it when he gets bored and walks off and they run after him and want to carry on playing. apparently that'a annoying... gah.)

YANBU

DH does similar but does at least see the whole of bedtime through. I just leave them to it.

BTW your SAHMing has facilitated your husbands career as much as vice versa. So it is not unreasonable to expect him to finish what he starts with the bedtime bedlam. Nor would it be unreasonable for you to discuss together how you could cover the costs of childcare to enable you to do something as well as mothering, if that is what you really want & need.

You have to go for a walk at bedtime and leave him to it.
Or get on the phone with a friend with a glass of wine, and when the sh&t hits the fan, say but you're having so much fun, I'm sure you've tired them out perfectly, and that you've put in your day's work already thank you very much!

FWIW I've found that once the DHs have to do some of the not so much fun stuff, they pretty soon see that hysterical children are not having a lot of fun, and that it's better to stick to routines.

Best of luck with it, I know they're only young once - but i think it's unfair that you are made out to be the baddie, and your Dh gets to have all the fun.

Best of luck with your work too - it is important to chip off the mental rust and flex your self again. Makes for a more equatible relationship also IMO.

YANBU. In our house, whoever is 'in charge' of bedtime sets the rules.

If I'm in charge, bedtime is nice and calm. Otherwise if DH is in charge, it tends to be a bit manic...but I disappear downstairs and let him get on with it.

Them's the rules and they work for us - the kids get to have their fun from time to time but mostly things go to plan.

Can he not do the pillow fights at the weekend?