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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to treat my H like something on the bottom of my shoe?

25 replies

mumof4sons · 22/02/2010 19:35

My H (no D) walked out on me and my 4 DSs last Wednesday for another woman. He'd been having an affair for the last 8 months. Needless to say that my boys and I are devastated.

While snooping on our computer, I found archived text messages to OW. I found messages that made fun of me. Some of the messages were about our sex life.

I am finding him and her laughing at me more hurtful than him walking out on me. He has said he is sorry about this, but I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He should have won the Bafta for best actor. He had me fooled for so long.

I have seen him everyday since he left as he is trying to be there for boys, but I can't get the image of them making fun of me out of my head. And now I can only sneer and snipe at him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BrahmsThirdRacket · 22/02/2010 19:37

YANBU but you would do better to be serene and rise above it (although it may seem bloody impossible at the moment). They are losers.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 22/02/2010 19:38

not your not, but maybe take high road it it, will make you feel better in the long run and he really isnt worth your time or engry

agedknees · 22/02/2010 19:38

YANBU. What a slime ball this man is.

You are better off without him.

DebiNewberry · 22/02/2010 19:41

Ugh no, what a horrible betrayal. Why on earth would you archive texts like that? (I didn't even know this was poss).

I would experience the fury for a bit. I'm sure serene will come in time...

OrmRenewed · 22/02/2010 19:42

NBU at all! Arsehole

But could you perhaps raise your eyes a little higher and treat him like a buzzing fly, of little importance but mildly irritating.

(Then stick pins into a wax effigy in private)

winnybella · 22/02/2010 19:46

He is a twat.
I think, though, that for your boys' happiness sake, you have to raise above and try to be polite(ish).
Hopefully, you will soon get over him and then you will not care enough to want to hurt him.
But he is an asshole- having affair is bad enough, but ridiculing your sex life is so not classy, to say the least.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 22/02/2010 19:47

YANBU.

What a pathetic tosser. What kind of person would feel so little remorse for their betrayal of their partner that they'd actually mock her behind her back?

I think the advice to rise above it is good by all means, keep your dignity but perhaps no harm in letting him know that this has reduced him in your eyes to the status of an absolutely pathetic specimen and the OW is welcome to him.

As for your poor DS's, god, I don't envy you having to manage your feelings about him around them; but you can always come on here and do some virtual ranting and spitting if it helps. He'll never know

Prinpo · 22/02/2010 19:47

I never stop being amazed at how wonderful people can be but also what complete shitheads they can be too. I'm so sorry that he's behaved so appallingly and has been so hurtful and disrespectful towards you. That he felt the compulsion to deride you so horribly indicates that the issue is with him, not with you. Remember that just because they laughed at you doesn't make you an object of fun, it just says a great deal about the basis for their relationship.

Look after yourself, surround yourself and your children with good friends and know that you will, given lots of time, recover and be back to your fabulous self.

abbierhodes · 22/02/2010 19:49

Just remind yourself what kind of skank he must have himself mixed up with if she finds that funny.

In a few months when he's lonely and begging to come back, you'll have your revenge without even trying.

shatteredmumsrus · 22/02/2010 19:52

what an arse. I would wait until the boys are out the way and then go for it, get all your anger and hurt out. I do not condone violence but he deserves a slap!
Then when the boys are around back to dignified mom! Sorry for your situation xxx

OTTMummA · 22/02/2010 19:57

My My what a wanker!
My Mums husband ( stepdad ) left her after 14 years of being married and having 2 children together, turned out he had been seeing this ' other woman' for 13!!! yrs!!!
I never liked him, and found that he never reacted to anger etc, it was dissapointment that he recieved from his children and family members that left him shamed,
there really is nothing you can do about what they did, except resolve in your head that people who do that to an innocent person ( him especially as he has children with you ) are really scraping the barrel of human decency, you really are sooooooooooooooooooooo much better of without this piece of trash who is so childish he had to make fun of the mother of his children.
and your children will remember this, trust me, boys are so protective of their mummas, and although i would never bad mouth him in front of them, i would let them know how much this has hurt you, hiding that from them will do more harm. that will not be a good example to set.
but also, if he is a good dad, make sure they know you want them to spend time with him.

in private write down all the crap stuff and embarrasing stuff about him read it out loud maybe with us, or a dear friend then throw it out.

twotimes · 22/02/2010 20:00

YANBU he's a complete shit! How disgusting are they, you are well rid

groundhogs · 22/02/2010 20:08

i'm struggling to be civil with mine too, but not for the same reasons as you.

No wonder you are spitting venom at him, the rise above it advice is of course the correct thing to do, in theory, but in practice it has to be nigh on impossible.

Is there anyone you could ask to stand in for you for the duration of his visits? A neighbour perhaps? So you don't have to see him. Just till you manage to get some emotional distance between you and him, enough to get some control over your feelings.

Keep posting, vent away, you really have every right to do so, words fail me to describe that piece of work you're married to.

verytellytubby · 22/02/2010 20:10

What a total bastard. Well rid.

AnyFucker · 22/02/2010 20:12

in a couple of weeks, when skanky OW kicks him into touch and young love's fucking dream is in ashes, he will come crawling back

that will be the best revenge...served cold

ConnieComplaint · 22/02/2010 20:13

Oh dear What a knob.

I would feel so hurt too, I can't imagine what you're feeling. I would be the same as you though in that I'd be so hurt at them laughing at me behind my back.

You know what, she's welcome to him - let her see how it feels when he moves on & makes fun of her!

BicycleBelle · 22/02/2010 20:17

I don't agree that you should rise above it -How dare he treat you like that! Dish the dirt loud and clear on MN and we will all mock him with you. Then you can send him a link...

junglistwaspoorendof · 22/02/2010 20:24

YANBU treat him how you like!!

worsleychick · 22/02/2010 20:27

Kick him into touch and dont look back. There is always someone better around the corner.

Original poster
mumof4sons · 22/02/2010 20:45

Can I just say that I am feeling better already. Thank you so much ladies. I am going to take your advice and rise above it, after all I have 4 wonderful DSs who love me and know that I didn't make our situation.

He is a selfish bast**d and I shouldn't waste my precious time and energy worrying what he does with OW. They deserve each other. BTW, she is married also, but no kids.

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 22/02/2010 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedLeaves · 22/02/2010 20:57

I don't known if this is awful what I am going to say so sorry in advance if it is but ..

.. what I've always thought of doing if my DH ever ran off with someone is to make sure that he has to look after the dcs for quite a few weekends straightaway.

I'm sure your four boys are devine but I'm also sure that that would knock the romance a bit if they both had to look after four children every weekend and didnt' have any time for their new lurrrrrrve.

Sorry if that is unrealistic or silly, it's just something I've always planned!!

On a serious note, I am sorry to hear you have this nonsense to put up with and I hope his shame will be far greater than your pain.

AnyFucker · 22/02/2010 21:08

well, RL, whilst I am not sure I could use my dc's in quite so mercenary a way {wink], I would certainly make sure they were both aware of the cold hard truth of the situation...

  1. the childen come as a package one day overnight and every other weekend as standard

  2. financials will be sorted rapidly and at much detriment to the twat's romancing power

  3. whilst said dc are having lovely quality time with daddy and skanky OW, mummy will be enjoying the feel of another man's dick inside her (or even several...who knows ? )

  4. twat's family and friends will all be fully informed of the situation...prepare for judgement and fall-out

...and so on...

HTH

mesobitchy · 22/02/2010 21:16

I don't even know you ,yet reading that gave me the horrible sick feeling inside, so I can't even imagine how awful you must feel.
What a complete and utter bastardly nobcheese he is.

YA most definately NBU to treat him like the scumbag he is.

Keep hold of that dignity though!

thesecondcoming · 22/02/2010 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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