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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to stick to my limits on nights out with friends? I'm the only one who has children!

13 replies

onthepier · 22/02/2010 19:20

There's a small group of friends I've known for years and I meet up with them once or twice a month of a weekend evening, although they meet up together a lot more regularly than that!

Their nights out seem to consist of standing around in a bar for a few hours,(music so loud you can't hear yourself think!), then normally going on somewhere else until early hours of morning, sleeping off hangovers next day only to repeat it all the next night, then the night after if they've managed to take Monday off work!

While I enjoy seeing them all and like a few drinks myself, I tend to stop after about 3 alcoholic ones and go on to soft drinks, which I'm teased about every single time! The reason is that it's always so busy here that if I can avoid a hangover I will! Our two children are at primary school so I'm well past the stage of them waking in the night, but on a Saturday morning one of them needs ferrying to a club, on Sunday morning it's the other one, we sometimes have dh's family staying or are going out for a "family day" ourselves somewhere nice or the children have friends over, sometimes for sleepovers and although dh doesn't mind, it's not fair to leave him with four children for a whole evening when he has a very busy job and likes weekends to be "chill out time"!

My friends just don't seem to "get it", the fact that I like to be home by midnight, especially if we've all met up at 8 pm! I had a phone call last Sunday lunchtime from one of them saying they were all meeting at some pub for the afternoon, would I join them. Well, that weekend my dh had already left had to travel somewhere as a course he was on started early Monday morning, so of course I had the dc's, packed lunches + uniform to prepare, homework, you name it! Told my friend I'd have loved to but also why I couldn't. She just couldn't understand, it was, "Why don't you just leave them with your neighbour, call your mum etc?" I wouldn't at that short notice and anyway, there were things I needed to get done as I work part time in the week, too. Have now suggested meeting a few of them for lunch on my day off, which they agreed to but I know they much prefer an evening. How do the rest of you handle these things? I enjoy their company but our lifestyles seem so DIFFERENT now! We're all in our 30's by the way.

OP posts:
Morloth · 22/02/2010 19:28

I will never for the life of me understand why some people feel the need to encourage others to drink beyond where they are comfortable, is this an English thing?

When not knocked up, I intersperse alcoholic drinks with water and stop drinking alcohol the minute I feel that I have had enough.

Don't see how this inhibits anyone else's enjoyment personally.

BITCAT · 22/02/2010 19:34

im in my 30's and i love to party, i have 4 children but i know my limits and rarely get hangovers..and have been known to roll in at 2/3am and still get up with children and make it to work for 9am. It is all about making sure you know your limits and if your limit is 3/4 drinks thats your choice and good mates would understand that, your life is different you have responsibilities and maybe someday you will be able, to take the mickie out of them if/when they have children. Everyone is different, i have always enjoyed going out dancing, etc and am a bit of a party animal..but i dont do it everyweek so i dont see the harm. Think about how much better your health will be compared to them if they are out everynight of the weekend..you will have the last laugh and although you think a lot of your friends and have grown up together, i would just think about those things when you are being teased and ignore it.

shatteredmumsrus · 22/02/2010 19:34

they obviously have a very different life, im a bit jealous of my bf who has no children and parties hard but who will visit her when shes older????

BITCAT · 22/02/2010 19:37

Morloth exactly what i do and always drink a pint of water before bed..it never fails me..no hangover. Always a good idea to drink water when drinking..its sounds sensible to me.

JaneS · 22/02/2010 19:44

Is it possible they've just fallen into a habit of teasing you, so it's become part of your group personality? I'm asking because you seem to be pretty clear they're still friends you like and want to spend time with.

ACretinoidPsychoanal · 22/02/2010 19:52

YANBU, tell them to have your dc's for a week and then see if they want to go out on the piss all weekend.

shonaspurtle · 22/02/2010 19:56

Nothing puts you off overindulging than the thought of your 3 year old jumping on your head at 6am and not letting up until 8pm. Fact.

shonaspurtle · 22/02/2010 19:57

more than.

mistletoekisses · 22/02/2010 19:57

YANBU. Not at all. Since having DC's, I am a total lightweight and 3/4 drinks is my limit too. Plus I pace myself. I simply dont have the drinking legs I used to and if I was to try and keep up with my friends who drink regularly, I would end up in the gutter!

I would say to take their good natured teasing with a pinch of salt. But if it is starting to annoy you, then tell them to stop. Simple. As another poster has said, has it become your group dynamic.

Plus, I find the fact that they still invite you to things nice. They may not fully appreciate all the pressures you have, but at least they havent stopped including you in invites to things.

BITCAT · 22/02/2010 20:05

each to their own..nothing wrong with thinging about the next day and children waking you up at stupid o'clock would make anyone be mindful of how much we are drinking..none of us with children want to deal with hangovers whilst dealing with children. You sound sensible and i agree with other people they are still your friends and if it really bothers you then i would tell them so.

BetsyBoop · 22/02/2010 20:15

Nothing puts you off overindulging than the thought of your 3 year old jumping on your head at 6am and not letting up until 8pm. Fact.

Exactly, was just about to post similar

If/when they have kids, then they will understand

mazzystartled · 22/02/2010 20:28

It is great that you are still a very much wanted and included part of the group. Unless anyone is being actually mean to you about it, it's not really a problem is it?

I'd also say that it might be pretty good, once in a while to get DH to agree to take the DCs out in the morning and have a full on night out yourself. Stay out till three and dance on tables. To prove you still can. We once arranged for a babysitter for the morning after the night before. Highly decadent but pure genius.

verytellytubby · 22/02/2010 20:32

My problem is that I don't know my limits so when I start drinking I don't stop and I'll end up going on with them until silly o'clock and pay the price for the rest of the weekend!

For that very reason that's why I go out with my childless friends once in a blue moon!

I'm impressed you do. Just ignore them or ask them to babysit after a night out

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