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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be appalled that 4-year-old neighbour plays out on her own?

25 replies

feeimcgee · 22/02/2010 17:13

A four-year-old girl plays out on her estate on her own - without parents - often, usually on her bike. She sometimes appears at our door - the latest was at 6.30pm - asking to play with my DD, who is the same age. I have occasionally let her in, but have been concerned that her parents don't know where she is. She has terrible speech, so I feel that she is even more vulnerable. The first time, she was at ours for an hour and a half before I realised the time. It upsets me that her parents let her out, on her own, for this amount of time. I have been to their door to introduce myself and they seem friendly and normal. But I do feel as if I am babysitting for them. The last time she came over, her brother appeared at the door 15 mins later - I was making the kid's tea and was just about to take her back - saying that she just let herself out of the house.
Is this a sign that she is being neglected? What should I say to the parents?

OP posts:

UpYourViva · 22/02/2010 17:24

We have a few kids round here that play out on their own at around this age, i personally dont feel comfortable with it.

Maybe you should stop letting her into your house and just take her back home?

Im not sure tbh, it's a shame though....would be nice if our kids could play out without the worry of anything happening to them

GhoulsAreLoud · 22/02/2010 17:31

I think it's too young, think you should do something but not sure what...

MrsPixie · 22/02/2010 17:36

That is far too young for playing out - in this weather too? Poor little lass. God knows what you could do about it though, is she warmly dressed, does she look well-fed and healthy?

Eve4Walle · 22/02/2010 17:36

I agree with Ghouls. It's a hard one - 4 is way to young to be playing out.

DecorHate · 22/02/2010 17:36

I think it depends - some areas (like ours) kids rarely play out on their own, it's very normal in other places (was where I grew up).

bruffin · 22/02/2010 17:45

In our small culdesac most of the children played out from 4, including mine.

AliGrylls · 22/02/2010 17:52

Whem I was growing up children always played in the street from the age of walking. I know times have changed but I wonder how much of it is actual risk as opposed to percieved risk.

I also agree with decorgate.

sweetkitty · 22/02/2010 17:53

I allow DD2 to play out the front and she is 4, we are at the bottom of a small cul de sac and she knows she is not allowed round the corner or off onto the roundabout at the bottom. She plays with DD1 who is 5 1/2 so I feel better with the two of them playing out together. I also sit at the living room window and watch them or check on them every 5 minutes. It still makes me uncomfortable them both playing out, although if I had my way they never would be allowed out

There are younger kids playing out some of which have been in our house or garden for over an hour without anyone coming to check up on them and they are 3 and 4!

I think 6.30pm is too late for a 4yo in winter it's dark and freezing.

Lulumaam · 22/02/2010 17:55

a four year old is too young to be out, especially if no other kids playing out and at 6.30 pm, it is dark this time of year.. definitely not appropriate..

not convinced it is neglect.

possibly not the motst sensible thing to do though

OTTMummA · 22/02/2010 18:00

maybe you could scare the parents and tell them you caught a man talking to your little girl when you forgot to watch her and he scarperd as soon as he saw you, and that your worried about same thing happening again etc. or something to that effect

I know thats horrible but im pretty sure that if she has a decent bone in her body she will keep a closer eye on her.

MadamDeathstare · 22/02/2010 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ruddynorah · 22/02/2010 18:01

on our cul de sac they all do, mine is 3.5 her 'best friend is just turned 4. they pop to each others houses. we watch from the window and can call the opposite mum to check how things are if need be. it's nice.

MadamDeathstare · 22/02/2010 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shatteredmumsrus · 22/02/2010 18:03

it is worrying if she is on her own. I let my 5 yo go next door to play and they play out the front on their bikes

Missus84 · 22/02/2010 18:12

Too young to be playing out on her own with no one knowing where she is - would be different if she was with older siblings or staying in one place imo.

onebadbaby · 22/02/2010 18:24

Too young- I can't imagine not knowing where my four year old is!! I would be horrified if I thought she was in a strangers house- she plays in the front garden on her own or goes round to the neighbours to play occasionally, but I always know where she is, and she would never be out after dark!

MABS · 22/02/2010 18:30

no way, too young imo

sometimegirl · 22/02/2010 18:36

I sometimes let my 4.5 yo out front but she's always with an older sibling. She goes next door to play but that's it. No way would she wander the street disappearing into a.n.others house. She's not even allowed to cross our enclosed estate road with her older siblings.

It's not so much a 4yo being out on the street that bothers me here, but more to do with her 'disappearing' into someones house for substantial amounts of time. I'd have a freaking heart attack if I didn't know where my 4yo was at all times.

ACretinoidPsychoanal · 22/02/2010 18:37

How do you know they are not keeping an eye on her?

Not neglect imho though.

4andnotout · 22/02/2010 18:42

My dd2 is 4 and plays out on her bike on our quiet cul de sac, dd1 who is 8 is always with her though.

I wouldn't think the parents are neglectful for letting her play out.

jellybeans · 22/02/2010 18:48

YANBU I hate seeing little tiny kids playing out. Up to the parents, though, if they are happy to let her roam.. not much you can do.

expatinscotland · 22/02/2010 18:55

Too young, IMO.

Siblings are just that, not babysitters. They are too young to be responsible for a child.

I always think of Isabella Blow, who with siblings was left in charge of a 4-year-old brother.

He drowned.

Isabella, closest in age, suffered intense guilt over this and on top of her depression, she wound up taking her life.

Not worth it, IMO.

flaime · 22/02/2010 19:59

A 5/6yr old rode their scooter across the road right in front of us a few weeks ago. He flew out from behind a parked van and DH only just stopped in time and the kid bounced very lightly off the car and luckily was unhurt but it could have been far worse and kid's just don't seem to get it at that age.

Instead of the parents stopping the kid play out, I've since seen them out unsupervised with a 3 yr old younger sibling too!

Helliebean1 · 22/02/2010 21:06

I'm horrified! Perhaps I am naive or being slightly ridiculous but there is no way on earth I would let me fairly bright and sensible DD (4.5 going on 14!) play out in the street alone. Perhaps it's an area thing - we live on a quiet road in a very family orientated, nice suburb of London - but it's still London. But I can't imagine thinking it would be ok for her to be out of my sight at this age on any street - and at night (which it is at 6.30 in the winter)as well????

It seems like lots of you think its ok and I am not being judgemental at all. I would just be so worried I'd end up standing in the front garden watching her, at which point it would be easier for us all to go to the park!

However to answer your question, whilst i doubt it constitutes 'neglect' in a legal sense, I actually do think that this is 'neglectful' behaviour. It can't be right to not know where your small child is after dark - or at any time for that matter.

Poor little thing. The fact that she comes to your house all the time suggests that she isn't even particularly keen to be 'playing out alone'. Whilst it isn't your responsibility, I would be inclined keep an eye on it.

helibee · 22/02/2010 22:17

i live in a small semi rural village in scotland and all the children play out together (thats how we know that spring has arrived) my ds is only 2 so obviously i go out with him but we live in a no through road and there are literally 30+ children out playing from end of march till oct and all the parents in the street look out for everyone elses children. However i wouldnt feel comfortable in some areas doing this, we are just fortunate to live in a small family friendly village.

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