Is 11 too young?

[HardleyHare]

My ex's partner recently suggested my 9 year old daughter and 11 year old son walk into the city together to go to the library. All went well until the walk home through the shopping mall when one went in the lift and one on the escalator. They got separated and my daughter had to ask a security guard to tannoy my son to reunite them.

I think they are too young to be sent off on their own into the city but my ex thinks they should be given responsibility and independence.

Am I being unreasonable? What do other mums think? I know it depends on the individual child and they are quite sensible children but I still think it's too young.

I think 11 is generally a bit too young to be resonsible for a 9 year old.

At 9 and 11 I would say too young - especially in a city

We live in a tiny town and 12 is the age Im currently thinking I might be happy about ds going to the library on his own (he is 8 atm)

Well, I think that it was possibly worth trying, but the fact that they separated and had to get outside help, tells you that they are too young.

Both far too young imho.

On the other hand, the fact that they were able to ask for that help suggests that they are very sensible.

I think I'm with your ex on this one...though I can see why you'd want to wait a couple of years.

Do we have a 'sitting on the fence' emoticon?

Too young imho.

I went into town (which was city with a population of 220,000) on my own from the age of about 9. The same age when I started going to school in a neighbouring city, using public transport, without supervision. And that was years before mobile phones came into fashion.

Really can't see the problem.But I don't own a helicopter.

I'm all for independence. I think it's great that they were allowed to give it a go and I reckon they should be given another chance. Give them one more chance after a pep talk about staying together at all costs!

I would have thought it was ok. When I was 10 I started a school that was 2 bus and one train ride away through a big city. We used to go to the library and shops and buy trashy hair accessories and tiny bottles of stuff from bodyshop on the way home without coming to harm. I suppose the difference here is the older child is responsible for the younger which is difficult. They did do exactly the right thing though and they have learnt not to split up without having a meeting point. Having to ask for help doesn't mean that they are too young imo. I often ask for help and I am old. If they had sat on the floor and wept then that would be a problem.

Well I lived in a town and went to the library alone from about 8, it was a 20min walk from home. Whenever I went somewhere with older sibs we would get separated, so I was actually better off doing things alone. This was a good 25 years ago and things/fears have changed somewhat since. IMO I think your DD showed good sense in getting help and no harm was done, so I reckon your DH is right on this one.

I agree it's too young.

My 14 to DS didn't go into town on his own until he was 12, and only then for short times with a friend, often with me or friend's parent around town at the same time.

Dd is now 12, and she's just started as well, but only for about an hour max.

I think maybe your 11yo would be okay with a friend, but a 9yo really shouldn't be in a city centre without an adult.

I think children generally are probably being too protected. The fact that they dealt with losing each other by sensibly asking the right people for help is very positive. Perhaps the 9-year old is too young but not the 11-year-old. TBH I am not sure as my instincts get clouded by current thinking if that makes sense.

I think it might be a bit too young to let them go to a faraway city by three kinds of public transport, but the fact that they walked suggests it's nearby. I don't think it's too young at all, and find it a bit odd that people think an 11 year old shouldn't be out on his own.

This is a real "UK" problem, on the continent it isn't an issue. Friend of DS who is 7 (continental europe) walks to school with 2 other children every day.

I sent mine off at that age. But then they are perfectly capable of making arrangements for meeting up if they get separated. As indeed were these young children. They dealt with it in exactly the same way as a responsible adult would have done. Thereby proving their maturity imho. Could you have done better, OP?

I think it depends on your child how sensible they are etc My dd1 was 11 and had just finished Y6 primary we felt we needed to let her have some independence in the run up to starting secondary school. S he coped immediately with no problems. Now my DS is 11 and will be moving to secondary in September have just started to let him go to cinema with his friends but we drop him off then pick him up. just think he is not as mature as DD1 but realise will have to let him do more soon as I feel it helps them mix more socially when they first start secondary school.

All's well that ends well in my view.
The fact that one had the common sense to ask a security guard for assistance shows you've done a good job so far but it will also serve as reminder that it is best if the stick together in future.
Be sure to praise their sensible decisions and to reinforce the sense of self confidence it will have engendered.
In my view they were obviously 'not too young' and I hope you will have the confidence to trust them yourself in a similar situation.

Thanks very much for all your opinions. I think I'll have to ask my ex to make sure more precautions are in place (time limit, mobile phone etc) so that I feel a bit easier when they're staying with him. And reiterate the importance of staying together when they do go out.

But they got outside help very sensibly and solved the problem. Doesn't this prove that they are fine?