To be annoyed with my SIL

[cassell]

So SIL and BIL (my DH's DB and his wife) have been visiting this weekend. They haven't seen DS since he was a few days old (he's now 10.5mo), they only live a couple of hours away, travel around a lot and often come near here but don't visit, or say they will and then don't, despite us inviting them. They don't have dc themselves.

The whole time they were here all SIL could talk about was her niece and her niece's son (who is 4yo) and how they had taken him on holiday loads, had done out a bedroom at their house for him etc, took him out on day trips, saw him all the time, how wonderful a mum the niece was etc etc etc.

AIBU (I expect I am but this has been niggling for a while now) to be a bit annoyed at the lack of interest in ds in comparison?

A bit tactless of your sil, but it is her family.

To tell the truth I am way more interested in my nephew's daughter than any of dh's nieces.

But, as I said, I wouldn't broadcast the fact and would try to feign some interest in the in-laws dcs if I were visiting.

YABU, but I can understand why as it must seem very unfair. But... that's just how it is. People form closer relationships with some over others. I'm sure you're closer with some friends and spend more time with them over other friends and don't think this unfair. It's only when it's 'family' that this rule seems to go out of the window and there is this expectation created that everything, including time, is shared out evenly.

*SHOULD be shared out evenly.

Could it be that your SIL feels more comfortable with 4 year olds than a baby like your ds?

she was tactless but as has been said above, it is her family.

don't let it worry you.

Humm yes you're reinforcing what I thought I guessed I probably was BU

rebeccarabbit - I think you're right she's more comfortable with older children (said he (the 4 yo) wasn't allowed to stay with her on his own until he was out of nappies as she wasn't going to change one!!) but she spent loads of time with him when he was young as well and when I think about it she has always talked about him a lot but I guess it never bothered me before I had ds

I understand her being close to them as they are "her" family, live closer and also the niece is a single mum so I know she appreciates the help with holidays etc it's just I'd like her to take more interest in ds as well!

Can't have everything I guess!

YANBU to be hurt, but it isn't unreasonable of her to favor her great nephew, perhaps BIL avoids visiting because he feels guilty about the difference?.
TBH I would run for the hills rather than spend time with a great nephew as telling everyone would make me feel quite elderly!

you said they don't have any dc's of their own, maybe this was her way of relating to you and your dc? If she was talking about her own child would you even ask the question?

rude of her to make it so obvious while visiting even if she is closer to the other one, she should pay attention to ur dc while in your house - that is the polite and nice thing to do
maybe she just wants to keep talking about that neices kid to make it seem as though she knows about children though, like some people if dont have their own they just try to "claim" a relatives one to talk about them to make themselves fit in with ppl who have kids? do you get how i mean? it could be that.. like she was in a weird way trying to fit in with u by making out shes almost like a mum herself (the comments about they have a room for him and take him everywhere etc)
anyway yanbu but try not to let it get to u, you know ur ds is great if she doesnt appreciate him its her own problem

twotimes/firawla - I hadn't thought about it like that, maybe you are right and she was using him to show she understood about children - like when I was giving ds his dinner she kept talking about the niece's son and what he ate and what her niece cooked for him (at the time it annoyed me because it made me think she was comparing and we were coming off worst!)

thanks everyone

Have you considered that they have the 4yo more because they want to feel they are helping out his mum (single mum), giving her some time on her own etc? Maybe they feel that you guys are sorted and don't need as much support? Just a thought.

twotimes/firawla are probably right - I had a friend who did this and it drove me mad till I realised she was actually trying to show me that, should I ever ask her, she understood what looking after a lo meant. Suddenly realised that I had never asked her to have my DC and guessed this may have been what she was hinting at.