What if it's a girl?

[thereyet]

Hi. Can't quit decide on whether or not to find out about the gender. Would kind of like it to be a surprise.

The thing is, I know my husband wants a boy and if we have a girl brewing in there, I want him to be well prepared months in advance so as not to show any visible signs of disappointment on the big day. (this will be our only child).

Another thing is, um, I'm in a high-risk group for post-natal psychiatric illness, so I think any disappointment shown by DH would push me over a precarious edge.

Would appreciate any advice. Thanks!

It's quite taboo in RL to admit a preference for anything other than a healthy baby. I never said anything outloud , even to DH, about my wish for a 2nd boy.
Good that you can discuss it anonymously on here I think.

I'd vote for finding out too. I'm the most equal-oppertunity person I know and I surprised myself by how strong the preference was that I felt. I also knew it would be my only child. I also felt very guilty for feeling that way, which I suspect is a feeling shared by many.

So, I found out and I've never regretted for a moment that I did. In my case, I got the answer I wanted, but had I not, I'd have been really glad I had the time to "adjust my brain".

It is really strange and not at all rational that some of us have these preferences. I wish I hadn't felt that way, but I did and finding out was the best way (for me) to deal with it.

I would say don´t find out.

We both wanted a boy, so didn´t find out as we knew that when they told us straight after giving birth we would both be so elated to have the baby with us that we wouldn´t care.

I also agree with gene and chipmonkey.
It depends on your DH, but for myself, I know I'd love that baby when I saw it rather than spend weeks coming to terms with a disappointment.

I would find out. I had two boys and opted to know with no. 3. The pregnancy was a happy accident - I wasn't trying for anything, never mind a girl! I didn't have any really big issues with wanting a girl, neither did DH particularly - though I know he would have quite liked it, and I suppose so would I, but I was never desperate. But I was so fed up with everyone, including complete strangers, else making such a big deal about how much I must want a girl this time , and I couldn't bear the thought of this lovely healthy little baby coming out and everyone going, 'Oh dear, never mind.'

The scan showed no.3 was indeed a boy, and I told everyone, so that we all really looked forward to meeting him, and no-one could insult me or my baby by assuming he was some second rate consolation prize.

Actually, Tiggy, I think the key difference between you and me was that you weren't bothered whereas I was, I did want a girl. So for you, finding out what good because it helped you deal with busybody other people, whereas for me, it just brought the disappointment forward to a time when I couldn't see or cuddle the baby and for me, seeing and cuddling the baby got me over the disappointment pretty quickly.

Mind you ds3 wants us to have another baby called Charlie so clearly he wasn't bothered by having all brothers!

chipmonkey - I think I understand you actually. Had you been told it was another boy you may have had to go through all kinds of awful guilty feelings, possibly not wanting it and even wishing you'd never got PG (not saying you did, but must happen) whereas once that baby is placed in your arms and you are so overwhlmed with love that it really wouldn't matter what it was. I still find it really sad that people care so much though....I know they can't help it, but it makes me nonetheless.

I'd find out if I were you.

I had ds2 6 months ago, and I was convinced this baby would be (and wanted) a girl. We found out at the scan and I'm ashamed to say I actually cried when I got home.

I needed that time to deal with my emotions. It seems totally irrational now and I love him more than I can describe and wouldn't change having 2 boys for the world. But similar to your situation, I'm pretty sure that this will be my last child. And until that day, I'd never really thought/accepted that I will probably never have a daughter of my own. More than anything, I didn't realise how the reality of that would make me feel.

Finding out though gave me 20 weeks to sort my head out and look forward to his arrival. The day he was born was wonderful and I was so pleased he was here and healthy, and all those 'girl' thoughts and emotions were well and truly dealt with.

Each to their own, but given my experience, I think you should find out.