Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Crap presents for dc

51 replies

Cheeseplant · 21/02/2010 14:31

Hi
I know it's a long time since Xmas but this has been bugging me for a while so need to get of chest.
Partner and I finally have dc after a long struggle and this was it's 1st Xmas. Many of our friends already have children and over the years we've been generous with gifts for them all, spending lot of time, effort choosing gifts.
Our dc received such a poor lot of presents. Some were clearly recycled as had no tags. It's not the amount of money that Is the issue but the fact that our friends thought it accepatble to pass on their cast offs. Really annoyed and it really makes me not want to give their children nice presents. Two of the worst presents were from "god parents", I always try to get something a bit special for my god children.
I just want to emphasise that it is not the money spent but the lack of thought. None of our friends are hard up either.

OP posts:

Bowtruckle · 21/02/2010 15:42

Yes, I noticed the "it" as well.

Mutt · 21/02/2010 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SixtyFootDoll · 21/02/2010 15:44

fee fi fo fum

Mutt · 21/02/2010 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elmofan · 21/02/2010 15:46

i hate to see children or babies referred to as "it"

Coldhands · 21/02/2010 16:26

"i hate to see children or babies referred to as "it"

So do I. Its rude, I can't imagine why anyone would refer to their own child in this way.

I don't like buying for children outside the family either. It gets too expensive and now I have lots of mummy friends where they are all having parties, I am finding it a bloody nightmare to buy presents that the child hasn't already got. Everything I think of doesn't seem to be suitable.

A 1 year old doesn't care what its got. You have no proof they haven't carefully chosen their presents, they could have put a lot of thought in and I notice that you haven't been back to tell us all what these 'bad' presents were. If you were talking about a used colouring book then YANBU, otherwise its hard to judge what are bad presents.

Also, you may have been trying for ages (as were we) but you have to quickly learn and accept that this doesn't mean sod all to anyone else, including family. Some of mine clearly don't seem at all bothered and we thought we may never have DCs.

bubblagirl · 21/02/2010 16:42

before i had a child i would spend loads on peoples children and really fuss them but when my ds came along i realised how expensive it can become when you now have family with children friends with children and your own children al ot of my presents given are second hand from charity shops etc doesn't mean i haven't given it a lot of thought at all just means i cant afford to buy for over 30 children every x mas

birthdays is different i will buy special present for birthday as its only 1 unless others on same day but x mas children get so many toys anyway and babies don't understand it doesn't mean your freinds don't care there dc may well have loved a certain toy and they have spotted toy in charity shop maybe and thought your dc may well like it

the desire to spoil other children i found more when i wanted one of my own im just lucky that my friends know it doesn't mean i don't care and don't think any less of me as its the thought that counts

MillyMollyMoo · 21/02/2010 16:44

This has been going on in our family for years and the answer is to put a lot less effort/cash into what you buy for others and just buy the lovely stuff for your DC's yourself and that way you won't be disappointed.

bubblagirl · 21/02/2010 16:46

your child will be precious to you but just because you may have received second hand goods is not a reflection on your child the thought is still there and not a reflection on them either we receive and give second hand goods and i will never turn my nose up at my friends ive learnt to be grateful for whatever my ds may receive he started in life with hand me downs and ive never been ashamed or thought less of my friends worry about more important things you sound like you have great friends but we cannot all afford to buy brand new for lots of children

GypsyMoth · 21/02/2010 16:52

op,you havent come back....or are you sat reading??

frogetyfrog · 21/02/2010 16:52

OOps. I take tags and wrapping off new presents before I wrap them, so that child can play straight away when opened. Didnt realise people may think they were second hand.

kitcat1977 · 21/02/2010 17:04

Maybe 'it' is an attempt to conceal identity. Unnecessary, but no offence intended I reckon.

Depending on the relationship, personally I would be annoyed for my (as yet non-existent) child to receive other kids' cast-offs, if when the OP returns with the details, that what they turn out to be. It's absolutely possible to buy or make a suitable and thoughtful gift for very little money. That said, I'm certainly grateful for hand-me-downs, but I'd be peed off if the giver tried to make out they were anything but. I wouldn't expect gifts from anyone outside immediate family either.

Remember that a gift is supposed to be a token of your affection and esteem. For example, it really wound me up that my brother and his GF gave my mum a pathetic boxed set of slippers and body lotion, likely to have been regifted as the store they came from doesn't have a branch anywhere near us and I know they hadn't been on a shopping trip or online. Although it's somewhat materialistic, I thought it was a thoughtless and selfish gesture towards our mum, who would and does give everything she can, in every sense. They got her mum a beautiful pair of outdoor chairs. What an insult. Of course, our mum hasn't let on that she was anything but pleased with the gift.

It is, however, water under the bridge come late Feb, and though I don't think YABU, it's not worth dwelling on it.

Firawla · 21/02/2010 21:24

yabu really as it is ungrateful, you dont give for the sake of receiving back

cory · 21/02/2010 21:27

To me, a second-hand gift that was carefully chosen - say a book that is not in print atm or a nice secondhand garment in good condition- would seem a far more caring gift than just a bog standard new toy from the supermarket.

Original poster

Cheeseplant · 21/02/2010 21:29

Hi
fair points made. Feeling duly chastised. You are absolutely right with regards to being grateful that anyone thought of our child at all.
"it" was just a matter of disguise and not meant to mean anything more.
I guess the problem is mine in spending too much time and effort choosing presents that others would like, and yes I'm assuming they were liked because I give the kind of gifts I like to receive.
I don't have big family so tend to think of my friends as my family.
I have been given things by friends that their children have used/played with and I was grateful to receive these. What bothers me is trying to pass off gifts as if they were for you.
E.g. A jigsaw that had the name of dear friends son on back and the friend who gave it.
Clothes that I'd seen at friends house on shelf where she'd kept things her son had outgrown.
A toy in box with receipt (left by mistake I presume) from 2yrs ago. Dear son is 1 yr old.
So I guess the problem is mine in being too concerned about giving nice gifts.

OP posts:

Heated · 21/02/2010 21:46

Normally I'd be with the majority on this but actually reading the list I would be a bit hurt too and would wonder the gift buying from their side was seen more as a chore and to be stopped? But you can't really say based on the quality of the presents received do you want to bother any more??

Sounds like you have invested more significance in the present buying than they have. In your shoes I would take the emotional energy out of it and buy the same token gift for everyone's child for an entire calendar year, and then change to something else the following.

Feelingoptimistic · 21/02/2010 21:58

Well, I think it's fine to give very small presents (or no presents at all). I think it's all fine to try to buy things on sale, or even to give someone something you already have, provided it's new or looks like new, and is the perfect present for that person. HOWEVER, I agree that it is hurtful and a bit annoying when people give you things as a present which are clearly well used, or something purchased only because it was cheap.

Coldhands · 21/02/2010 22:09

Ok, now I have seen the list, I would probably be a bit put out too. A puzzle with someones name on and who gave it to them and a toy with a 2 year old receipt? Makes it very obvious that these are used/not wanted. I know what you mean about giving the sort of thing that you want to get back.

In future, use your energy on choosing nice gifts for your DC and just get something samll for friends.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 21/02/2010 22:10

Hi Op
Why do you feel your DC and much longed for baby needs to be validated by some soon to be out grown material gift? Have these same people been warm, welcoming and supportive to you as a new parent? If the answer is yes be grateful, regardless of their gifts giving prowess, as that is all you and your child really need.

jasper · 21/02/2010 22:27

some people put a lot of emphasis on gifts. Others less so.

I would be delighted to receive other people's cast off tat for my kids - my children are very easily pleased and I welcome the whole ethos of gift recycling. Perhaps your friends are like me in this respect.

I also think giving gifts to little babies is pointless but I realise I am not typical.

bubblagirl · 22/02/2010 08:03

i think what you need to remember is you value your freinds like family and take a lot of time in selecting special gifts thats great thats who you are but it shouldn't be disappointing if you receive something back thats not to your standard as some of us have lots of children to buy for and simply cannot live by them standards for any of them as its not possible cost wise

i can see why you may be slightly put off but the fact is if they didnt care they wouldn't have bothered at all and considering we buy in charity shops a lot my friends and myself we always have someone's name on something lol but again no one gets upset as we know and understand some of us cannot spend out as others can at these times of the yr birthdays to us are special presents none of us worry so much about x mas as they get so many things anyway and i teach my ds to be grateful for whatever he receives and i accept i but him the descent stuff new and second hand and id rather he like my presents more as a baby i wasn't bothered as he didnt know and understand and would rather chew the paper or boxes if these people are good friends other wise i would appreciate them for that and understand there style of present giving isn't the same and don't go all out yourself if you'll find it hurtful but its not a reflection on them to you spoil your own child now and just buy small gifts but do still appreciate there thought as they clearly mean a lot to you and the presents shouldn't make the friendship , and again before i had my ds i took great pleasure in spoiling other children but i dont do it now

TrippleBerryFairy · 22/02/2010 08:23

YANBU
I would be a bit hurt if I was you. I have a friend who also gives me/ my DS presents that just don't make sense, I wish she would just stop or get one thing instead of putting 10 cheap useless things in a giftbag (e.g. toys from mcdonald's for my DS- hello?... They are not suitable for 6month old!)

I am absolutely sure though that your DC is not feeling same dissapointment as you do - I am sure at that age they are happy to play with whatever is given to them.

I would not buy expensive toys for your friends' DCs anymore.

pranma · 22/02/2010 13:42

I dont think YABU at all actually.It is ok to hand on things on an ordinary day but not for a birthday.I would stick to simple,inexpensive but new things for them-eg a book,some crayons or similar.

Rhuidean · 22/02/2010 14:22

My child was once gived a used bath book, and this year I got an opened box of chocolates Maybe cut back on what you spend?

frazzledoldbag · 22/02/2010 14:30

I sometimes take new toys out of packaging to put batteries in them before I wrap them up (esp for Christmas as the whole battery thing is a nightmare, needing batteries and screwdriver etc before a child can use the toy)........so possibly the presents weren't second hand, and the givers were just thoughtful? Or maybe they took the plastic tags off, again, so the toy could be immediately played with? Some people do this.

On the other hand, I would never give a second hand toy to someone's child for a Christmas present. If I was very skint, I'd prob just buy something very small and inexpensive like socks or a little book and wrap that up. I would however be happy to pass on toys at random points in the year but not as a proper 'present'.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread