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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be delighted that ex-H is finally being a dad?

14 replies

Vallhala · 21/02/2010 00:49

This is a story of hope for lone parents with dead-beat exes.

For many, many years my ex-husband refused to see my daughters, who were then babes, refused to pay maintenance or even send them a Christmas card. He threatened me with (further) violence when I said I'd approach the CSA, said he wasn't working to avoid contributing to their upkeep when he was in business with his partner for 5 years and was generally a complete arse.

Now, some years on, my DDs are 13 and 14 and their father has been visiting them for an hour or so, once a month, for the past year or so. Gradually they have got to know each other a little.

To my amazement he recently offered to have them over to the house he shares with his partner - first one, then the other 2 weeks later, then both a further two weeks later still. The girls were all for it but I feared that these were just more mere words. So, you can imagine what a shock I got when he called last night to make arrangements to have DD1 next weekend, and to take DD2 a fortnight later. He even admitted that although I've done it all alone for years he isn't as confident he could cope with both immediately!

God knows how it will turn out, the girls are hard work and won't be shy in reminding him of his past treatment of them, but, it's a start.

Fingers crossed...

OP posts:
GoddessInTheKitchen · 21/02/2010 01:56

i only just saw this and couldn't leave it unanswered, i'm so happy for you and i hope he keeps it up and forms good relationships with them both
proof that people change

Mumcentreplus · 21/02/2010 02:45

WOW! this sounds great...hope everything works out...your girls deserve it..and everyone deserves a second chance..good for you for being a brill mum and giving then the chance to hopefully have a relationship with their dad!

Buttons2708 · 21/02/2010 05:46

YANBU, fantastic news hope all works out for the best and it keeps going from strength to strength!

Buttons2708 · 21/02/2010 05:48

YANBU, fantastic news hope all works out for the best and it keeps going from strength to strength!

mummygirl · 21/02/2010 07:26

maybe everybody deserves a second chance. Well done to you for giving him this chance despite being left to do it all on your own for so long.

Hope it goes well x

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/02/2010 08:07

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Splishysploshy · 21/02/2010 08:12

That is good news, hope it all works out well for all of you. x

2boys2 · 21/02/2010 08:16

how long has he been with his partner? Do you think she has had a hand in organsing this?

really pleased for your girls

groundhogs · 21/02/2010 12:30

FAB news! Hoping it all goes well, nice one!

Vallhala · 21/02/2010 14:58

Stewie, I'm PMSL as you have no idea how often I've told my ex that he's a loser (and much more and worse besides!). I hope that it goes from strength to strength with your daughter and her dad.

2boys2, he's been with his DP since a few weeks after he left us. She was the one running the business for 5 years and telling the CSA etc that he was a SAHD to her own son when he was in fact an equal partner working in it and earning a good income. We have met and she has been told how despicably low she was. In her defence both he and she claim that she's always been in favour of him having contact.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 21/02/2010 17:28

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diddl · 21/02/2010 17:39

Hope it all goes well.

You´re a better person than me OP, as I would still hardly call what he is doing "being a Dad" tbh.

Vallhala · 21/02/2010 18:16

You're completely right diddl... I just thought a title involving the words "finally stopping being quite such a complete and utter twat and card-carrying wanker" might have been a little too much for the more sensitive souls out there!

OP posts:
StrictlyKatty · 21/02/2010 20:40

I think that is seriously wonderful. There is nothing better for a child than a relationship with both parents so I think it'll do them a world of good to know he's trying at last!

Hope it goes well

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