To feel like world's biggest loser?

[namechanges]

Hi, changed my name, need some advice/encouragement/anything really....

I just feel stuck and hopeless.
DD is 1yr. 3mo. old, adorable, sweet, goes to nursery 3 time a week. DH is amazing, supportive, just great.

Me?
I'm a fuck-up.
stay-at-home-do-nothing-with-my-life.
I have applied to a gazillion jobs, nothing. Nobody even calls me back. I have experience, I have a degree, I'm nice, but no one even rings me back to say thanks but no thanks.
I just stay at home with DD looking for stuff to do all day and I freakin hate it.
I am not the type of person who can stay home and raise kids, I don't like this nothing-to-do and no routine, I miss being around people and practising my brain a little (with more than singing twinkle twinkle or searching to find where my nose is).

Money is tight, naturally, with DH being the only bread winner, I feel like crap everytime I think about getting stuff for the household (I'm not even talking about buying anything "extra" for myself! haven't done that since...well, since when I was pregnant come to think of it).

I know I should thank my lucky stars that I have a DH who works, and that my DD is healthy and alright, and that I shouldn't whine and bitch and moan about nothing, but I just feel like an utter failure, and can't do anything about it.

Sorry for the bit*&(G, and thanks for reading.

bread winner = breadwinner, of course.

God I can't even spell right

Could you possibly do some sort of course, or even volunteer work whilst DD is at nursery?

Both may not sound very appealing, but could be lifesavers until a job pops up

I would love to do some volunteer work, but everywhere I go it's "you have to take a course" "you have to donate X amount of money to get in" blah-di-blah.. I can't afford it, unfortunately

and courses- every single one I see is ~400 quid. I just don't have that kind of money....

Take it easy on yourself I know how you feel and yes it hard, but try not to make the harshness of the situation a reflection on you.
Have you thought about volunteer work at all? I was feeling very much like you were last year and brought some 'adult time' and 'work satisfaction' through volunteering for a helpline.

Oh honey. Would hug you if I could.

I just wondered, and maybe I am being cheeky, but is it possible you are depressed?

There are very few jobs going at the moment - it's no reflection on you if you can't get one because many people who'd have been employed like a shot five years ago now can't get anything. Don't beat yourself up about it. You've a one-year-old: not having a job is in no way being a 'fuck-up', you've barely had time to get to the end of maternity leave.

I agree voluntary work might be a good stop-gap, but you shouldn't feel bad for not getting a job, it does not mean you're a failure! Not at all.

goodness me sorry you feel so shite

deep breath you have a degree,skills

make a plan!

update cv
what about studying
voluntary work

and a big dose of self belief,goes a long way.sounds cheesy but you need to like yourself

cross posts sorry. Have you tried CVS they match volunteers with companies.
Could you do something like a local book/writers group or something similar to help keep your mind active?
It was only tonight when I was thinking how lovely it would be to actually use my mind and oooh say write an essay on something I'm interested in.

Maybe start your own business if getting a job working for someone else doesn't seem to be happening?

I was on my own with my daughter, living in a caravan with no support from anyone (and no real qualifications apart from GCSEs and a few years experience working in dull offices). So I started selling used baby clothes on ebay, with £50 initially to start my business with, now 3 years on I am living in a 4 storey house and making £1000+ each week - it has been hard work but I just stayed focused and it all came right in the end.

Not that I'm saying you should sell used baby clothes - there are other things you could do from home, but rather than feel rejected maybe use your talents to start your own thing - it is daunting at first but being your own boss is great. Good luck, and please don't feel too hard on yourself, just being a wife and mother is bloody hard in itself, there are so many pressures on women these days.

Thnx ladies

I just don't like myself very much right now. It sounds stupid, childish, I know (which make me dislike myself even more, being the "grownup" that I am, acting and thinking like a grumpy teenager). I just feel like There's just no purpose for me other than being a mum (which is very very important and I love tiny to bits!!!).

I'll try and look deeper into doing volunteer work, but as I said, almost everyone that I tried requests me to do a course or donate them money.

My CV is spotless- had 3 friends who work at HR look at it, and it is truly brilliant if I may say so myself, it's just that things are shite now in the market, I know, but it really depresses me to fail again and again.

and LittleRedDragon- god I hope not..

jendaisy- where did you get all those used baby clothes from??

Sorry, I really didn't mean to upset you but I have to say it did occur to me, given the age of your baby, that there might be something hormonal going on. But please ignore it if you think not ... I really wanted to be supportive and not to make you feel worse.

NO no no, I thank you for raising that!!!!!

(I am too much of a chicken to even admit that that's a possibility..)

Don't get the wrong impression- you are being supportive- I just meant it as it is- I hope not, because quite frankly I don't think I can handle being depressed and having to "take care" of it....

Well it all started because I was too skint to buy new stuff for dd and I am a lover of car boot sales anyway, so I would buy all her clothes at boot sales for around 50p per item (loads of it almost new from Next, Monsoon etc). Then when she outgrew it I would sell it in a bundle on ebay and would usually double my money! So I sussed there was money to made there and started buying clothes in all sizes and both sexes up to age 5 at boot sales, also I mailshot playgroups, nurseries with leaflets and go to peoples homes and buy direct from them, and advertise in the local papers too. I have a massive room in my house full of massive containers of clothes and I am shifting around 1000 items every week now!

being depressed=being diagnosed with depression...

WOW Jendaisy- well done!!!!!

Cheers! I would never want to/be able to go back to working for someone else now. I know it's not for everyone but it has worked really well for me as I have always worked around when dd is in bed, or now she is older, at school - she has only recently started to believe that I do work at all as she never saw it! Now dc2 is on the way and one good thing is I will not be short of clothes for him or her!