To NOT go to this wedding

[Seagullsrule]

My partner and I have been invited to the wedding of his godfathers daughter. I've never met her, he has seen the bride to be about twice - and the last time was more than 15 years ago. He freely admits he barely knows the girl.

I know numbers for the wedding are tight so planned to politely refuse on our behalf mostly to help out the bride and groom (I remember what it was like being forced to invite random people vaguely connected to the family out of duty!!).

Going to the wedding would mean asking my parents (who are sadly unhappily married) to babysit all day and into the evening (something I really would rather avoid but know that the children will be fine and well cared for - just find the atmosphere between my parents stifling and depressing so dont want to expose my children to that). I also dont really want to go to the wedding - its more than a 2 hour drive and I'd just find it a bit embarrassing not knowing the bride and groom AT ALL!!

My partner really wants us to go - mostly saying that it's only polite and the dutiful thing to do as we've been invited.

AIBU - I know my parents will be free to babysit but am considering asking them to pretend they have some pre-booked arrnagement or something (which they NEVER have so might be slightly suspect to be honest).

All opinions gratefully receieved.

YANBU. It is really, really not 'only polite' - I should imagine from the situation you describe, you're being invited out of politeness and they'd be secretly rather pleased if you didn't go. I'm a bit puzzled about why your partner wants to go when he hasn't been in touch with this girl for ages. If it is only because he feels obliged to, I'd try and persuade him otherwise.

does your dp see this as an good idea as he will get to see his godfather who he perhaps hasn't see for a while?

Does he fancy a day out with you without the children? Perhaps he thinks that it would be embarrassing to ask for a whole day of babysitting "just" for you to have some couple time, but a wedding is a good excuse.

He might also wonder if he will get the third degree from his godfather (or his parents) about why you're not going.

I think you're right, by the way. There is no obligation to accept an invitation and there is no need to give a reason - thank you but I'm sorry that we won't be coming is just fine.

I had a similar situation about a year ago.

I said to DH i resented having to pay for new outfits, transport, drinks etc, arrange childcare and buy a present for a couple we don't know. It sounds mean, but for me it was a waste of money and a waste of child free day and night.

We didn't go. It has not been mentioned since and I do not regret not attending.

imo - you are not being unreasonable, however, you and partner need to agree. One will have to convince the other their way is best and the other will have to relent.

I wouldn't worry as much about people I hardly know as my own children.

YANBU i hate going to weddings where I don't know the b or g. Think it's pretty pointless actually. However if I were in teh same situation I absolutely know my dh would want to go as well, partly for the family (family's family apparently regardless of whether you have seen them in the last 20 years or not) but partly to have an "adult" day, no kids just us too.

The reason of not wanting your dc's to be in the stifling environment of your dp's not really reasonable, it's only one day and if you get them to lie for you and it comes out, you're going to look pretty silly and it may cause unnecessary arguments. Just tell him you don't want to go.