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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you shouldn't just presume someone else will watch your kids for you

15 replies

EasyEggs · 20/02/2010 15:02

My 2 ds's have a new friend, they have known him for a couple of months now.

He first came round ours to play whilst I was out and dp let him come in to play with our dc's. He apparently told him to go check with his mum but friend said it's ok I can go anywhere as long as I'm home by 4pm she doesn't mind

So this week he has been round almost everyday. Today turned up at 10.30am I said he could come in until lunch time. Then they all went out to play came back 10mins later with the mum, I have never met her before and she doesn't know me, she said "friend says he is staying for lunch, is that right/ok, I'm just off into town but will only be 45mins, an hour at the most"

I said well he wasn't but if it's ok then that's fine I'll keep an eye on him until you're back.

That was at 12.15.

It is now 3pm and I haven't seen Mum, sent friend home but he came back saying his brother has gone out and mum still not back.

Surely you should want to know where your child is and who they're with.

I am so I could be an axe murderer for all she knows

OP posts:

nancydrewrocks · 20/02/2010 15:06

How old is the friend. Kind of critical

Original poster

EasyEggs · 20/02/2010 15:07

Yes that might help! He is just 8, same as my eldest ds.

OP posts:

Discus99 · 20/02/2010 15:10

Oh my god - that's completely true, for all she knows you could be doing whatever to her child.

How old is he?

How irresponsible of her. I'd watch yourself because if something did go wrong she'd probably be the first to blame you. See if you can knock it on the head before it becomes too much of a habit. Good luck.

Karmann · 20/02/2010 15:14

This happened to me once. 3 grubby little urchins they were too and she didn't come back until the next day! Yes - I said the next day!

Original poster

EasyEggs · 20/02/2010 15:22

The next DAY?!

Did the Mum even ask you, what did she say when she finally showed up?

I can't believe someone would do that!

OP posts:

Vallhala · 20/02/2010 15:30

YANBU. She should know where her child is and who he's with at all times and shouldn't take the piss out of your kindness either.

If I were you I'd tell her exactly that when she does return. I've been in similar situations and fumed inside rather than speak out, only to have the same people do it again. Last time it happened I wasn't so chicken tolerant and, sure enough, they damn well didn't dare try it a third time!

I'd also tell ds's that their friend's mother is rude and her way of bringing up her son unacceptable imo, thus they are not to invite him to my home again.

onthepier · 20/02/2010 16:02

Yes you do need to say something, Easyeggs, as this is just not on! If you don't say anything, this boy's mum will assume it's ok and do it again.

I had a similar situation with two boys who would pop round all the time and refused to go when it was a mealtime or when we were going out. Even phoning the mum didn't help, she just said, "Oh if you're busy send them back!" I had a hell of a struggle getting them to leave and finally got fed up with it. It was my dh in the end who after yet another 6pm screaming match when they didn't want to leave, marched them home and asked their parents to please come and get them when I phone, stop leaving it all to us, (seeing as though they'd been with us since 11 am!) and set them some boundaries timewise so we didn't have the constant battles, we wanted to enjoy the weekends too!

Well the mum came round later that evening, apologised to me but was actually annoyed with me for letting things get that bad. She'd have rather I'd spoken up the first time her boys got difficult, (months back!) as she had no idea I was having problems with her kids.

The problem's sorted now, they don't come round as much but if they do their mum is ringing on our doorbell to collect them after a couple of hours, I really wish I'd said something months ago,

onthepier · 20/02/2010 16:06

Yes you do need to say something, Easyeggs, as this is just not on! If you don't say anything, this boy's mum will assume it's ok and do it again.

The problem's sorted now, they don't come round as much but if they do their mum is ringing on our doorbell to collect them after a couple of hours, I really wish I'd said something months ago,

Karmann · 20/02/2010 16:09

She said nothing! Just acted as if it were normal and I didn't want any kind of confrontation because I am a coward!

Found my DD's videos stuffed up her DD's jumper and money shoved in her DS's shoes! Had absolutely nothing to do with them after that! Although the mother kept sending the kids round saying "My mummy says I can come and play here".

scratchet · 20/02/2010 16:13

Is he still there?

OMG I cannot believe the cheek of some people.

LittleMrsHappy · 20/02/2010 16:16

I think both iof you are at fault, you have allowed a situation to be made worse by not saying something, and also by saying Yes to the sitting, and also taking a child in when you do not know the family.

She is being completely unreasonable in ALL her behaviour.

grumpypants · 20/02/2010 16:25

On the other hand, some parents are quite relaxed and don't assume everyone is dangerous. From her pov, her ds has been playing there for a cple of months, she knows where you live, and you agreed to have him while she popped into town (on a saturday! manic time to go!). At eight, she has given him times to be back by (4pm) and is allowing more independence in that then most of us do. She doesn't know how you feel because you haven't told her.

Karmann · 20/02/2010 16:27

I'm talking about 15 years ago so I find it funny now and I never agreed to any sitting. Children were all playing in the garden and she just disappeared!

fluffles · 20/02/2010 16:35

some people allow their children to do this, i wouldn't personally but i think the children are used to it if it's normal for them.

However, if you want rid of someone else's children you have to tell them straight. Just say 'no you can't stay for lunch today' - don't offer reasons or excuses, and don't make subtle hints, just tell them straight. You need to be strong and just say.

Other mother is probably assuming that you would have said if it was a problem and if you don't say will assume it's fine.

twotimes · 20/02/2010 16:45

I agree with grumpypants, I don't think I would mind so much if dc's friend was polite. I was always somewhere as a child or had friends around mine, I was given a lot of independence although my mom always called to check it was ok and I was safe.

You should have spoken up however, she is taking the piss with the time.

Flip