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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I had a miscarraige b4 I has my 1st child sil said I lied about this.

12 replies

mummybegood · 19/02/2010 22:36

I was really upset but kept my mouth shut, I went on to have a ds, thing is we were not married and still are not, so what we dont care we love each other , does not matter as we love each other alot ,since having our ds they got married which is great and I was really happy for them but she has gone out of her way to make mean remarks about me etc. She tried to made me feel excluded when they b4 married but we had in out and since then well mil has got involved.
We went on to have a dd and she had a ds we both went through bad times I had kidney problems went into prem labour spent lots of time in hospital and when she had her ds he almost died , why oh why has it come to this.
We went out recentley and she also commented on my dress as to whether I had anything under my coat , but my dp had walked to catch up with his parents she always says horrible things when knowone is around and I dont understand why?
I have tried to shut up and put up with her but she takes over and tries to make out she is better than me I dont care im not in acompetetion, I stay quiet this I dont want tmy children a part of this.
I have just started a job at weekendsand now she decided to let her children seen mine when she thought my son was naugthy a while ago she went to raise her hand at my son whn o knowone was around. I intervened I did not make a song and dance and played it down, but now when I go to work she will worm her way with mil I feel uncomfortable and dont I trust her or like her and now I feel bad , its got to the stage when I'm thinking I want to leave please help as I want to to get away from them all becuase im so miserable.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 19/02/2010 22:39

I'm sorry your post is a bit confusing.

Where do you live, with your MIL?

runnybottom · 19/02/2010 22:43

Not being rude but I have absolutely no idea what you are saying.
Do you want to try again?

Original poster

mummybegood · 19/02/2010 22:47

I used to live with mil and fil we got a place on the 1st of August my son was born 3 weeks early ,which is nothing, but we had real crap b4 that , I wanted my own space with our family, we have a housing society place now.

OP posts:

chipmonkey · 19/02/2010 22:48

She sounds horrible and jealous. Have you told your dp about the things she says to you?

CarGirl · 19/02/2010 22:48

So you spend a lot of time with your in-laws?

What is your partners take on the situation?

groundhogs · 19/02/2010 22:51

Does your DP support you in all this? Does he stand up for you? If so, leaving him doesn't seem a good idea.

Is it just your sister you are having problems with?

TBH she sounds more than a little jealous of you and has some serious boundary issues.

Sad to say, I think you need to stand up for yourself with her, tell her not to even think of laying a hand on your DD, or you will lay a firm hand on her.

Then, tbh I think you need to say that you both need a bit of a break.

If she's saying lies about your MC, she's bang out of order and tbh, needs to be called out and shamed on it.

Be strong, stand up for yourself and don't take any crap from her. If you think being near her will do you more harm than good, then don't allow it. Be clear, be straight and tell her why. If she can't respect you and your DC, then she needs a bit of tough love and a time out.

Original poster

mummybegood · 19/02/2010 22:56

He think it is girl thing, he knows what she is like however he says we can can all get on with it he says they stay out of it,I cant it is eating me up and I dont want my children to be apart of it , it makes me jealous and sad and im so unhappy I always feel like everything is a competition I just want a easy life.
When it comes to xmas my mil and fil spend the same equal amounts.
I have had enough and feel so inadequate.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 19/02/2010 23:03

I think the op's post is perfectly clear.

She was with her dp and sil was with dp's brother. The op miscarried and sil said she was making it up. The op had a ds. Sil and bil got married. The op had a dd as well and the sil had a ds. They have both had various health traumas. Sil is continuously unpleasant to the op. Recently she tried to hit the op's ds. This is not aggro the op wants and it upsets her. Sil speaks disparagingly of her to mil and this together with the other hurtful behaviour and verbal abuse makes the op feels stressed to the point of wanting to leave.

OP - you need your dp to support you. You have your own little family and sil cannot touch that, however much of a cow she is as long as you don't let her in. Maintain your dignity - and your distance. You sound like a great example to your kids and she is really letting hers down by being so absurdly competitive and unpleasant. Let that console you.

Original poster

mummybegood · 19/02/2010 23:18

Thank you Northernlurker its been tough I have tried to be nice given her the benefit of the doubt.
Today I was ill so called mil to look after kids ,mil tried to avoid questions because dil was their with kids she does it when im at work or ill ds came back with scratch down his face he did not want my ds to leave
Which I understand kids are kids , mil explained this alrthough shady when i called but yet im peed off about the fact she does not normally other with my kids.
I have had enough and ready to leave I will either exploded or say how I feel about the fact I cant breather with mil or have a sil that takes over and tells mil what to do with my kids .

OP posts:

OTTMummA · 19/02/2010 23:26

Don't let your kids have any unsupervised visits to your MIL or SIL!
She sounds very controling and jealous, she is obviously a sad pathetic woman who isn't content with her own family and has to but her nose into yours!
also, i would get her alone and tell her flat out you don't like her and she is to no longer have communications with you, your children, etc.
people like this need to be called out on their behaviour otherwise they will carry on to get worse and get away with it.
be strong and very FIRM!

groundhogs · 19/02/2010 23:40

Sorry, your son came back with a scratch on his face?

Exploit this for all it's worth and suspend all unsupervised contact with MIL and SIL.

Stick to your guns and don't back down. Stand up for yourself and don't think twice about telling them that you don't feel comfortable leaving your DD with either of them. Sod the consequences. Honestly. Your DC are more important than your unhinged SIL.

Tell your DP that you are not putting up with it and to tell his sister that if she can't respect you then to mind her own business and get on with your life.

JaneS · 19/02/2010 23:52

This is terrible - I just hope you can sort it out. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, when someone has suggested your miscarriage didn't happen. I don't have any advice but I wish you all the best and hope it all goes well for you from now on - you deserve it.

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