To be really angry at DH for the way he spoke to me last night?

[Enchilada81]

DH has to get up for work at 6am. So, he goes to bed around 10.30pm.
I suffer from insomnia so there is absolutely no point in me going to bed that early. He knows this but tries to insist that I go to bed with him anyway as he can't sleep otherwise

Recently we had a discussion about this (after he went absolutely nuts at me one night because I refused to go to bed early ) and I told him I will go to bed when I want to and don't expect to be shouted at over it.

So since then he hasn't kicked up much of a fuss over bedtimes.

But last night, he started getting ready for bed at 10.30 and said to me "are you coming up?" I said "no, I'm staying up for a while" and he said "ok".

Fair enough? but then I turned on the PC and he stopped dead in his tracks and turned around before snapping "funny how you always put the PC on as soon as I go to bed!" I said "what do you mean??" and he said "as soon as I go to bed you put msn and facebook on (msn comes up automatically, I hadn't even signed in! and facebook wasn't even on) - "funny that" he said.

I said "don't be stupid" so he started shouting again "no, its a bit suspicious don't you think?" I got pissed off at this point and snapped back "well what do you expect me to do?? sit down here in silence?" I then regretted biting back so I tried to add a little humour into it by adding "I have nothing else to do once you abandon me". This was a JOKE. anyway he blew up "ABANDON YOU? YOU'RE TAKING THE FUCKING PISS, IF I WANT TO GO TO BED I WILL DO. YOU'RE FUCKING PISSING ME OFF".

he then stormed up to bed.

I am so angry and fed up with a) walking on egg shells with him b) being accussed of shagging anything that breathes and c) being spoken to like shit. Was I in the wrong or was he being a wanker as I suspect?

I'm not an insomniac at all, but I would personally find 10.30 way too early to go to bed. I'm surprised that the OP's bedtime is being seen as the problem when to me it seems that her DH is being ridiculously controlling. Why should she have to go to bed at the same time as her DH fgs? She's not a child to be told "bedtime now".
OP, he was being a complete and utter wanker IMO. My DH and I go to bed when we individually feel like it and I can't imagine a situation when we would try to pressure each other to accompany us. Weird behaviour IMO.

I don't wake him up when I go to bed though. I am very quiet. Thing is, he thinks nothing of waking me up during the night with 2/3 trips to the toilet, turning on the light when I'm asleep to find his phone, shouting at me because he thinks I'm taking up too much space...he's so hypocritical.

Sex is fine, more than a lot of couples ... I'd say 3/4 times a week at least. Cuddles is fine, we cuddle on the sofa from around 9pmish upwards and then most nights when I do go to bed the same time as him (although I've noticed if I make it clear sex is not on offer, the cuddles suddenly disapear and he chooses to go to sleep instead )

And no, his jealously is certainly not healthy. He accusses me of shagging around if I go to the shops after a certain time, get a text and don't immediately say who it's from, if someone phones with teh wrong number he thinks its someone I'm sleeping with.

He treats me like a child all the time. For instance last night he brought home one of those supermarket take-away sets for the weekend. Around 9pm I casually mentioned that I was feeling pekish (as in "I might go get a biscuit" ) and he immediately stated "well you're not having those currys. They're for weekend". yes dad

Earlier in the week he brought home a few boxes of cereals he got cheap from work. He placed them all on top of the cupboard and told me they were not to be touched until the other cereals had gone. If I want a bowl of fucking cereal I'll get one! I'm sure he sees me as one of the kids.

Like the other day he was washing up. I'm having a few health problems at the moment so if I suddenly need the toilet, I HAVE to go asap. So I set my dinner plate on the kitchen side and rushed to the bathroom. DH then shouts "who hasn't scraped their plate?" knowing full well it was mine. When I got out of the bathroom he reminded me my plate needed scraping! He's driving me insane

I think there is a much deeper issue here. Your DH sounds very controlling Enchilada.

Because you won't go to bed at the same time as him he is then trying to emtionally blackmail you in to doing as he wants by implying that you are having an affair.

TBH I think him wanting you to go to bed at 10:30 is the least of your problems.

I know, when I think about it, its just another example of a long list of issues.

well if its just the going to bed then he should not have lost him temper like that BUT I know that my husband went through a phase of coming to bed a couple of hours after me and it really affected the quality of my sleep because he would wake me up by gettign into bed and then by rolling about gettign comfy and then he would drift off to sleep and leave me wide awake!

Reading your other posts, however I would say you have bigger problems than this.

Oh good christ on a bike.

Please, anybody saying that OP should 'treat her insomnia' could you enlighten me as to how exactly to do this?

I get valium from the doc for my insomnia but only take it very sporadically for obvious reasons. Apart from that, no doctor or sleep expert has any advice at all apart from having a hot milky drink, no caffeine etc and 'trying to relax'.

People who have insomnia just don't have the same control over sleeping that the rest of the world do. I read for at least one hour in bed each night while DP sleeps like a baby. That's how I am, that's how he is, that's how it will always be.

What is wrong with going to sleep later than your partner? I don't get it. If my partner wanted me to to fall asleep at the same time as him then we couldn't live together.

OP, your last post changes things somewhat. Suspect it is a control issue as others have suggested.

Have you tried acupuncture for your imsomnia? I know it sounds a little wacky, but I got signed off work for a couple of wks when I was 20-odd because my insomnia was driving me mad, I was getting 2 hrs a night if that. My boss said we were too busy for me to be off and sent me to his acupuncturist, I went once of twice a wk for a couple of months. I didn't enjoy it (not a fan of needles) and was very sceptical, but I have to say it worked.

By the end of the visits I was falling asleep in half an hour to an hour, a miracle for me. Obviously this could have been any number of things, but the timing was amazing.

Might be worth a go?

Why are all these people saying that she should go to bed at 10:30pm? Her DH gets to pick his bedtime, why on earth isn't she allowed to?

Lying awake at night for hours is not fun, and I don't see why she should have to just to please her DH.

And as for 'why don't you sort your insomnia out?' - yeah, because it's that easy. Wanting to go to bed later than 10:30pm doesn't strike me as particularly insomniac anyway, some people are just night-owls.

Insomnia is a real medical problem that can and needs to be treated otherwise it will lead to long term health issues. You don't just learn to live with it; it really disrupts your life and your health.

From what the OP says, it doesn't sound like insomnia is the problem, she just likes to go to bed late (I could be wrong).

But from subsequent posts, which were not mentioned in the OP, it sounds as if there are plenty of other problems the OP and her dh need to sort out.

YANBU, I've been diagnosed with insomnia by the GP after sleep problems all my adult life.

Those of you who say "sort your insomnia out" and "using a computer won't help" etc etc can f*k right off. If it was that easy it wouldn't exist. having sever, intractable and chronic insomnia is a life sentance and makes life s*t, speaking as one who knows only too well.

TBH though OP it sonds like the bedtime thing is the least of your worries, the controlling, childish and suspicious behaviour he's exhibiting is the real issue and that's the one that needs ironing out.

Your Dh sounde like a twit with ishoos!

Tell him to get a bloody life!

You have to stand up for yourself or he will get worse.

Tell him if he can go to bed when he wants to then you can go to bed when you want to.

He is a twat