To not pay for this (long moan)

[mierdo]

I'm a bit cross about this situation...
I'm currently living abroad with the British Forces and have three very close friends back in the UK.
This year we all celebrate an important birthday so my friends got together and decided all four of us should have a city-break together. They didn't consult me on it, just announced this was going to happen.
Even though the break would only cost them £50 each for the flight, and me £200 I agreed as I really wanted to go.
The biggest problem for me, on the allotted weekend was childcare.My husband works an on-call roster and on the dates my friends have booked he can't get a swap so I asked my mum, who was planning to visit us anyway, if she could time her trip over this particular weekend. She agreed.
However, a few weeks ago, she changed her mind, leaving me with the only option of cancelling the trip. None of my friends here locally can childmind and childcare would cost me a fortune on top of the trip itself, so a no-goer.
DH has tried his best to accommodate this but, despite his efforts, cannot help me in any way.
Frankly I'm not a happy bunny and consider myself the victim of a mother who cannot understand the importance of this trip to me and three friends who, frankly, didn't really consider my situation when planning this trip. I had given them a list of weekends which were better suited to me and wouldn't cause the childcare nightmare, but they pressed on with a date which worked for them.
As for the fact, that this trip would cost me more financially for the flight - I would have to have flown back to the UK and then back out, therefore technically putting at least an extra day on my my travels....
Anyway...
received a text today from one of them asking what I was doing about paying for my share of the already booked hotel? The gist of it was "if its non-refundable are you expecting us three to pay?"
I'm so not happy about this, they're hinting I should throw my cash at a quarter share of a hotel I won't even be staying in.
I don't think I should be expected to pay.
The break's not till April.
So, am I being unreasonable to refuse to pay or are they being unreasonable asking for my "share"?

busy dealing

I agree with kansasmum - my friends would never treat me like this.

Tell them to rearrange their sleeping arrangements.

If anyone I think it's the mum who has been unreasonable by dropping out after agreeing to childmind, I assume knowing things would be booked - the friends are just doing what they'd all (OP included) agreed to do. Why should they lose deposits too? Madness.

Thanks Astrid - ultimately that's how I feel. As far back as October, when the trip was first considered I broached this with my mum, who agreed. She normally comes to see us around that time of year so it wasn't as if she was going out of her way.
On several occasions I mentioned it and never got the feeling that she had a problem with it. And then, last month, I got this email..."actually....I don't think I'll be coming out then after all"
I've tried to explain to her what position this has put me in but she keeps changing the subject. No point in even trying the guilt-trip either, the woman's so deep in denial she won't even be aware how much she's pissed me off.
Turns out my friends had also (without my agreement) had also asked her about the babysitting before they'd even mentioned to me about the plans for the trip (they live in the same town as her).
I'm all too aware that I'm probably way too emotional about this whole debacle but I feel royally screwed whichever way I turn, nobody around me, who has the ability, seems to want to compromise in any way.
feel free to contradict but I didn't think I was being unreasonable in the first place, having (so I thought) made arrangements for childcare, being prepared to pay over the odds/ take an extra 4 hour plane flight etc.
It's all fecking back-fired on me, and it looks like I'll be £175 out of pocket with nothing to show for it. Great!

Yes- I am ranting
Yes- You may flame me!

Thanks for listening!

mierdo, it's ok to be pissed off! This situation isn't your fault either.

As Astrid has rightly identified, it's your mother who has backed out of the arrangements thus buggering things up for everyone. But - unfortunately - you can't expect your friends to pay for your mother's unreliability.

Sorry this has all gone so wrong for you. I hope your DH plans something lovely for you to do on your birthday instead.