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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy my DS a doll?

45 replies

Dominique07 · 17/02/2010 22:46

I decided I want to buy DS a doll.
There are lots of choices; a boy or a girl, black doll or white doll.
But when I asked OH which one to go for, he was not best pleased at the thought of buying a 'girl's toy' for his son.

I thought it would be good for DS to practise caring for a baby e.g. if he were to have a baby brother or sister in the future, and also to practise dressing and undressing. He is soon going to turn 3.

So, AIBU to buy my son a doll?

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 18/02/2010 11:52

My bro wanted a dolly when he was about 3 or 4. So he was given one - he played with it for a while and then a few years later it was found with its legs and arms removed. He's a boy, that's what they do (some of them - the ones who like to deconstruct everything)

If my DS wants one, he shall have one. He plays with dolls that he sees when he goes to other children's houses - doesn't bother me at all. I'm pretty sure DH won't like it (he wasn't keen on the buggy idea either until I pointed out the ridiculous inconsistencies with that) but then he is an Aussie male (the stereotype is reasonably accurate!). However, I shan't let that put us off.

I had an Action Man as well...

bruffin · 18/02/2010 11:57

YABU if you are buying your DS a doll just because you want him to have one.

If DS wants a doll then fine

PotPourri · 18/02/2010 12:03

Get him a doll if he wants it. ask yourself, when you go out with the pram - who pushes it? I'm willing to bet it is your DH. So is he gay then? Or just a good dad? ask him if he wants his son to limit his role playing to driving/fixing, but not having a family...

GoldenSnitch · 18/02/2010 12:04

Your Dh would love me then! Not only does my DS have a dolly and a pushchair (both blue if that helps) but we were at the shop earlier and he chose a pink, heart shaped, barbie chocolate lollypop - which I bought for him!

Ebb · 18/02/2010 12:09

My Ds 21mths loves playing with the dolls at work. He spends ages pushing them round in a pushchair. I would definately let your Ds choose his own though.

Eulalia · 18/02/2010 12:11

Entirely normal for a 3 year old. Ignore your dh. It's unlikely he'll be playing with it when he is 8, same applies for a girl. My ds is 4 and loves Barbie dolls. He doesn't like baby dolls (or the real thing) but the Barbie is a substitute mummy. He looks after her and takes her to bed with him. Any kind of transference of affection to a doll/teddy should be encouraged.

Sassybeast · 18/02/2010 12:13

YANBU if your son wants a doll.

PracticalCat · 18/02/2010 12:18

We took DS (21 months) to choose a doll last week. He loved them - was every bit as interested in the dolls as he is in the noisy plastic toys.

He chose one that makes little baby noises and is dressed in pink from head to toe. We've hidden her away - it will be his present from the baby who is expected in the next week or so.

We've had some disparaging comments, but I don't care too much - I have been known to buy pink beakers and grobags or whatever if I can't find a more neutral colour. He also has a large toddler size ragdoll which is great for encouraging his fussy feeding or imaginative play. And I've caught him giving her huge big smooches.

emsyj · 18/02/2010 12:27

YANBU. Check out 'William's Doll' on YouTube - it's from Free to Be You and Me and it's really sweet (I think). About a little boy who really wants a doll but his dad doesn't want him to have one because it's sissy. It's very 70s but I love a bit of Free to Be You and Me.

bruffin · 18/02/2010 12:43

The OP has not answered the question if her DS actually wants a doll or not?

emsyj · 18/02/2010 12:58

Parents buy toys for their kids all the time and it's not necessarily something that the child has specifically asked for - I buy gifts for my godson and I don't wait to see what he requests (he's 2). If he's said he really doesn't want a doll, then no point buying one - but is it any different to buy him a doll and see if he likes it than it would be to buy him a big tub of Duplo (my Xmas gift to my godson - which he loves, but didn't ask for) or a tricycle or a painting easel or whatever? The OP can't force him to like it or play with it, but what's wrong with offering it to him?

bruffin · 18/02/2010 13:16

Parents usually buy their children toys because they think they will like it, not to make a political statement.

bruffin · 18/02/2010 13:20

Meant to add I did buy ds a kitchen when he was 3 because he loved cooking, so I am not opposed to boys or girls having toys considered normal to the opposite sex, just don't see the point of imposing them onto them.

SeasideLil · 18/02/2010 14:31

If he wants a doll, fine, ignore your husband. Not all children like dolls, though, my dds certainly don't. I have no idea why, but my dd1 who is six has never shown any interest in them whatsoever (the baby doll, the Bratz given to her at parties, the china faced 'special' posh doll, the dolls house with all the minature furniture, no interest whatsoever!) Dd2 is marginally more interested, but they both prefer playing with their vast array of stuffed animals, like seals, snakes, tigers, gorillas and so on all obtained from zoos and museums. So, I'd see how interested he is in dolls, it will be very annoying for you if you make a big fuss, get him an expensive one, and he shows no interest (and gives DH an unfair opportunity to be smug).

emsyj · 18/02/2010 14:55

"Parents usually buy their children toys because they think they will like it, not to make a political statement."

Why does it have to be seen as a political statement though?

I didn't play with dolls as a child as I wasn't particularly interested in them. The OP's son might equally not be very interested if she buys him a doll. It would be silly to try and force him to play with a doll, but I can see that he may be interested in having one if the OP plans to have another baby sometime soon. He might like having his own 'baby' to look after if the OP has one, so perhaps she is thinking that it is something he would like, rather than trying to make a statement.

edam · 18/02/2010 16:19

Not all boys like trucks, not all girls like dolls. Some boys like dolls, some girls like trucks. Just buy your child whatever you think they might enjoy.

My sister hated dolls vehemently while I had a growing family - think I eventually had a dozen baby dolls and another handful of Sindies. She used to scribble all over hers and lug them around by their legs. Only recently she told me it was all my fault - apparently I had convinced her they came alive at night and she was terrified! I hadn't realised at all, never occurred to me that dolls that came alive could be anything other than lovely.

Flightattendant · 18/02/2010 16:28

It depends if you think he will like it - get him a £2 one from Asda first, and if he really likes it, you can then push the boat out - we did this when ds wanted a little baby doll in the supermarket and he liked it so much we got him Baby Annabel's brother for Christmas - he adores it.

claw3 · 18/02/2010 16:44

Ds1 would have been horrified if i got him a doll.

ds2 had a doll, cot, kitchen, the works and loved them.

ds3 has a kitchen, but would be horrified if i got him a doll.

So if you are buying him one because he wants one fine, if not ask him before you buy.

Morloth · 18/02/2010 16:53

DS has a doll, we got it for him because he wanted a toy stroller - cause it has wheels!

It isn't "unmanly" to care for babies/children in a gentle loving way.

sayithowitis · 18/02/2010 17:23

Surely it is no worse 'imposing' so-called female toys onto a boy (or vice-versa) than to assume that all boys will want cars/trucks/trains etc and all girls will want dolls/kitchens/dressing up clothes? As well as dolls, both my DSs had teasets, vacuum cleaners,dolls pram/buggy/cot/bed, even a dolls house at one stage. Just as when I was small, my DSis and I had cars, train sets etc.

I think that any toy that promotes positive role play in a child, whether it be female or male orientated, can only be a good thing.

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