Riv you had no way of perparing for what would happen to your lovely DD and there is nothing to blame yourselffor.And she was always a baby- the people who saw her as anything else were wrong,plain and simple.
I had PTSD after my first birth, not as bad as your experience but stillscary- basically I was in seven times with high BP, they'dsend me in,MWat main unit wouldlagh at me and keepme in thens end me home. On one occasion Registrar actually shouted at me for selfadmitting even though I hadn't, BP had been 145 and MW at the MLU had sent me straight over.
At 38 weeks MW decided I was very smallfor dates and sent me in,I lay in an antenatal unit alone listening whilst MW outside yelled at my MW for sending in a waste of space case and sent me home.Afewdays klater my BP topped 160 and DH arried me virtually unconscious to the MLU (I always ahd to go tehrefirst as main unit a fair distance away). I ahd a fit on the table, and MWcalled main unit in tears to beg forme to have a CS (I couldnt response but can remember all this) but was refused as it was that nervous woman again. They blue lighted me to the hospital, where an Obst checked meover (sameone every bloosy time) and toldme I would be sent home except it was 3am so I should go home first thing next day.
Next day no word from anyone but sent for a scan.
Ignored again with no discharge, got back from shower next day to be passed a message that baby had not only stopped growing but had lost weight, emergency induction was to be started immediately.
Called Dh, and they started but toldme it would take 3 - 4 days.
They refused Dh access to unit even though I wascontracting, but he barged past thank goodness, just intime toseme refusedpain relief asthe hand overwas too busy.... he took over, I wasgiven peth and after hand over wheeled to labour ward.
They thought I might have HELLP by this time but ds1'sheart trate was fdropping so they didn't know what to do- HELLP contraindicated a CS, and the ehart rate scared them into wanting one. They lost all the bloods to check for HELLP, and it took IIRC several hours to get retests done. Allthis time I waspretty out of it and begging for an epidural(what with induction and high BP it was recommended) but Anaesthetist was too busy.
Dh was petrified, nobody would talk to him and he thought he would lose us both.
Bloods came back clear but then the anaesthetist was still too busy for CS. We didn't know they wereworried about ds1's BP at this point but notes clearly satte that.
Just as they went into fullscalepanic mode I waslucky and went from 5cm to 10cm in one contraction (did with alllabours in fact) and he was born fine but very small for fullterm at just over 5lb,scanssuggest he'dlost 1lb in utero over a few weeks.
I ahd a brief debriefwhen two staffmemebersassureedme 'you didn'treally want intervention anyway'andI assured them I really had done, but otherwise it wasn't until I was expecting ds2 and booked in elsewhere that I got a Obst toreview my notes and explain exactly what ahd ahppened and confirm that it was indeed eclampsia. having that made such an enormous diference.
Sincethen I have had 3 births,ds2 at a sort of hybrid unti that could do CS's but not neonatalcare,ds3 at the original hospital after my HB went tits up (boo) and a HB and every one has been a better experience. i'vefound that watching other bitryths on TV etc has helepd enormously to enable me to file ds1's delivery under 'badly mismanaged'rather than my fault IYSWIM.
DS1 is ten now but I ahd PTSD afterwards and it wasn't picked up on as I had nothing to compare it to in terms of a 'normal' birth. The ubnit I delivered in has changed massively,afriendlost her babay there was that was admitted as their fault but after changes sis had a pre eclampsia baby there and had marvellous help,both in antentaland for a month in NICU afterwards. But I neededthe experience of what was normal to enable myself to say hey it was OPK to be upset, it was a bad case, you're not over reacting at all.