to expect my SIL to pay for her own ticket?

[OprahWinfrey]

SIL is a single mum, lives on her own with her dd, going on holiday with her boyfriend in April. she called up her elder brother to ask for money for her ticket. About £700. He has 3 kids and struggles as it is, and he dislikes SIL so he slammed the phone down. SIL then calls up my dh to complain about the other bro. My dh said, if you can't go don't go!(??) She appears to think her brothers owe her, just because she is a single mum. (She left her dh to be with this bf!) She has a 6 yr old dd.

We have not been anywhere for 4 yrs, because I decided to be stahm, and we are not exactly rolling in it! But we are doing ok.

SIL has sky hd, mobile, home phone, eats out. (I don't know how she can afford this as it is all on benefits. She's never worked, has no plan to!)

Now I know in order to maintain family relations, I have to be tolerant, but surely this is taking the piss? Can I have a go at her???? My dh refuses to.My blood is boiling. Please help me someone. She is 26 and I just want to say get a job. We don't owe you a penny.

Why would you hve a go at her, it isn't your business unless she a) asks you personally for money or b) she asks dh for money. In which case you still wouldn't have a go at her, you would have to talk to dh. You should be careful it's your sil and if you carry on creating at her asking for money your dh may start to get upset with you.

If you stick your nose in you are going to get in the middle of a big family brawl and you may end up getting the blame.

Just say no and get on with your life.

As long as your BIL and DH refuse to give her money then she will eventually get it. Having a go will just cause problems--if you feel you really need to talk to her, then just talk.

Do not engage, just don't. If your DH gives her money be pissed off with him. Why do you care so much what she does?

My dh has been saying he wants me to stay out of this. And you are all sort of saying to stay out of it too. You're right. I see that dh isn't just being a silent doormat.

He might be a doormat if he had given her the money.

The reason I get upset about this is dh has given in in the past. And if he was feeling flush, then he just would have given in again. He doesn't like confrontation. I wish she would leave us alone. She only seems to call to ask for money. If she didn't then I wouldn't care what she does and who she does it with. Her whole attitude stinks.

I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue. You don't need to have a right go - but definitely ask her where her sense of entitlement comes from...

She does sound like she's got an over-inflated sense of entitlement. Probably spoilt as a child

Then your SIL isn't the problem your DH is.

YABU to be making it your business. Just leave it to them to sort out.

am at you wanting dh to go through HER statements !

You hate her .

Just stay away from it, she hasn´t asked you for money directly has she?

chandon - yes, I know. I can reach new depths with the IL that I never knew I had

Glad I vented on here rather than in RL though. I'm sort of over it now and feeling a lot calmer. Thanks again mnetters. xx

I think you are quite justified in being angry that she even had the nerve to ask, op. It puts your dh in a difficult position, which I'm sure he could do without. I can understand why the good mumsnetters of this thread are cautioning you not to "have a go" at SIL, but I don't blame you in the least little bit for wanting to.

Perhaps MIL should pay for her daughter's ticket if she is so much on her side ?

When I am furious like that I write a letter saying everything I would love to say to the person's face.Then I tear the letter up and either burn it or flush it down the loo.It is very cathartic.