To have given dd2 the mop and a bucket of water when DH was due home from work?

[ShinyAndNew]

The house has gotten into a bit fo state. Mainly because dd2 is sooooo active and ino everything. You cannot leave her for a single second. Last time I took my eyes off her for more than minute she covered herself, the dog and the sofa in shoe polish.

Also because I get zero help. No one puts anything away after themselves, no one helps. DH included. He tells me its my own fauklt for not teaching the dds. I disagree. What chance have I got in getting them to clean up after themselves when they see him leaving his shit laying about everywhere for me to clean up?

My mum is off this week and has been taking them out to give me time in the house to get things sorted.

I managed to get all the living room sorted, before the dds came home. But then wanted to do washing up and clean the oven and kitchen surfaces so all I had to do in the kitchen today is clean the floor.

The dds were fighting and generally getting in my way and winding each other up, so I set dd1 off with a game on the computer and gave dd2 the mop and bucket, with about two inches of water in the bucket. She didn't ahve the proper mop, just an old rubbish one DH bought when I sent him to replace a broken one. The proper mop is far more absorbant so I knew I'd be able to mop up the mess he made in seconds.

DH came in and all hell broke lose. The floor was very wet, admittedly, but is not like she was swilling the water everywhere and I didn't ask him to clean it up.

He took the mop of her and she became hysterical and was left for me to deal with. The kitchen never got done. He says he was annoyed because he had come in and just wanyed to sit down in peace not have to start mopping up water. Or sit and watch dd2 'make a mess of HIS house'.

So was I BU to let her 'make a mess' right before he was due in?

Could we be married to the same man?

No course not....... He's not royalty is he? Just part of the family

yanbu

but you should all learn to clear up after yourselves and all learn to take care of your SHARED home!

my mum used to get soap suds from washing up liquid ( suds only) fill a bowl - get a paint roller and let ds1 spend all day 'painting' the woodwork in her house.

i thnk keeping them industrious keeps them out of trouble, and if they are having fun whilst they help you then all the better.

i think your dh should get a bit or perspective - and realise that he is also a parent and that the kids will express his parenting /non parental approach too. working does not = parental opt out

If it's HIS house then why isn't he looking after it himself instead of leaving it all to you?

YANBU.

That's a good question Coppertop. I might put that one to him tonight when I come in from work tonight to undoubtedly find all my hard work today undone with take out cartons and shoes lying everywhere.

Tell them all new rule, if it is on the floor or not where it should be then it goes in the bin....they will learn

Not sure that helps with clearing up dhs rubbish thats supposed to go in th ebin though
Shinyandnew I would clear up everything apart from his mess and then he might soon realise that a lot of it is to do with him too. Then you can start tacking the children

I do that with my dc's custardo (although with sponges rather than paint rollers). They love it and it keeps them occupied for ages.

I mentioned on a thread recently that I went on strike and refused to pick up anything that should have been in the bin (unless it was mine), wouldnt do dh's washing unless it was in the basket and didnt do any dishes unless they were in the sink. He is far more hands on these days

you really need to tell him that he has to clean up his own mess.

I take it your DH is a grown up?
He has to be responsible for keeping things tidy too.

Okay, you've accepted the role of cleaner and housekeeper, but you can't be expected to clean up after somebody who is willingly making a mess!

If he tidies up any mess he makes, then you'll be able to get on with the job of cleaning everywhere.

I think that you have somhow got yourself into the role of cleaner and now that you have set a precedent for picking up after people it will make it difficult to change.

It is not fair that you pick up after everyone else. Why should someone (husband or child) leave their shit everywhere so you (muggins) can pick up after them.

I do the majority of the cleaning at home however DP and DD pick up aftert hemselves because quite simply I refuse to. It makes it so much easier to clean everything if you don;t have to trail around the house first picking up shoes, putting milk back in the fridge etc.

If I were you I wqould have a week's amnesty where you put nothing away that you yourself didn;t get out. Your DH and your kids as well. Tell them that you are not their skivvy and that they could clear up after themselves (sorry, if your dd is 18 months I may be barking up the wrong tree!).

Poeple can pick up after themselves. But whilst someone like you does it for them there is no reason for them to do it, is there?

His response reminds me of this.

No dd2 is almost three, so she should be capable of cleaning up after herself and usually does if you ask her to.

I have just asked her to put her coat away because it doesn't belong on the couch and she replied "daddys coat goes there" pointing to the footstool

I actually don't mind the cleaning part, I quite like cleaning, I hate tidying, but I like cleaning. It's the being expected to do it and the picking up after people that bothers me. Along with the fact that I do it and two minutes later it looks like I needn't have bothered.

It's 3 o'clock not midnight! Your children shouldn't have to stop playing and you clear up just because the 'man of the house' comes home in the middle of the day

When's your time off? When do you get to sit down 'in peace'? Tell him you'll keep the house reasonably tidy during the week but it's his responsibility at weekends to clear up everyone's mess. And they're his dcs to teach tidiness too as well not just yours.

I agree with you shiny - I actually like cleaning, I find it really relaxing.

It is the mindless putting things away which I cannot stand. I get pissed off at putting my own stuff away, it would send me batty if I had to do someone else's stuff as well.

My house looks really tidy always - however I have acres of cupbaords/storage space, which to be honest I just hurl things in sometimes. Have you got loads of storage? It helped me when my dd was little - I think you can't expect them to tidy every last thing away. I just had a huge wicker box in the corner of the room which I chucked stuff like toys/bricks in at the end of the day.

Plus, what really used to make me mad with DP was the fact he used to deposit little piles of stuff all over the house - couns, keys, random builder equipment, lighters, balls of string etc. I have a small box in each room which is his box - he puts all his stuff in there instead of cluttering up tables with it (and making me angry).

I think I am probably stating the obvious here. But with the coat - have you got a specific coat rack? I mean is your DP putting it on the footstool because there is noweger else for it to go, or is it because he can't be arsed to hang it up.

Sorry! Didn't mean to sound so bossy!

And that link to Good Housekeeping is so outrageous I'm spluttering with indignation on behalf of our mothers and grandmothers1 I can't believe it was only 50 odd years ago that something like that was printed

We have no coat rack, but it is generally accpeted by me everyone that coats we wear day to day are hung on the bannister and others are hung in wardrobes.

We are getting a coat rack, apparently.

I have as much storage as I can fit into our tiny house. Everything has a home, so there is no excuse there. He doesn't know where any of the homes are, when it comes to the dds things. That says a lot to me. We have lived here about 6 months now and he doesn't know where the dds clothes are supposed to go, or where which toys go where .

I think expecting a nealry three year old to keep the house tidy is an unrealistic expectation.
You sound like a martyr to be honest.
Tell your DH what you expect him to do.
Do you both work?

Oh see you both work
Then he should do his fair share.
CAnt see your logic in getting the 3 yr old to mop the floor though as it would obviously make more mess.

I work pt, DH works f/t. I don't expect her to keep the house tidy, without being reminded/helped i.e. "It's nearly bedtime, lets put your blocks away", but dd1 is 6 and DH is 33 so they, imo, have no excuse.

I don't just do it, and keep quiet like the good little wife, we fight all the time about it. It just doesn't seem to sink in, with any of them.

And I think a three year old should be capable of handing you her coat when she takes it off and not just throwing it down somewhere.

Sixtyfoot, she wasn't doing it to help. It was to keep her occupied. I had already mopped that floor, that was why she wanted to do it. The mess she made was dried in minutes, with the proper mop and the floor polisher thingy.