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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell dp an unequivocal "No"?

38 replies

fedup1981 · 17/02/2010 13:01

We've been skint for years but the last six months have been really really hard. Since christmas I've generally had about £20 a week to spend on food, and there was a week where dp and I shared a toothbrush because his got dropped down the loo and we just couldn't afford another, that's how bad it's been.

We've just about coped, and thankfully things are looking up, I have maternity allowance starting in about 3 weeks, dp will be starting a new better paid job soon, and there are various other bits of money due to come to us over the next few months which mean that we are going to a lot more comfortable.

I'm very pregnant and we've bought literally nothing for this baby yet, not even a pack of nappies. We all need new coats and shoes desperately (especially ds (2) who needs extra wide clarks and cheaper shoes rarely fit him) the car needs a few bits doing on it, and after a very long period of necessary neglect, the house needs a few things doing and buying too before the baby gets here.

So anyway dp is working his last week or two at work, and has found out that he is going to be paid extra to work in lieu of holiday days, as they need him there. This should bring an extra £300 or so in his final wage packet.

He came home all excited yesterday saying he'd decided he was going to treat himself to a new laptop with the money. I immediately said no, that no-one was buying any luxuries until we had bought stuff for the baby, and ds had had new shoes and clothes. I was probably pretty sharp with him because I couldn't believe he'd think of "treating himself" when we'd had nothing for so long. (Plus we have a laptop and a desktop computer already, they may not be new or fancy but they work, he doesn't need a new laptop, he just doesn't like sharing with me)

He was pretty pissed off that I'd said no instead of discussing it first, do you think AIBU to rain on his parade?

OP posts:
Litchick · 17/02/2010 14:34

Might have been better to discuss it, explain why it wasn't a good idea, but I can see why you felt the way you did.

CMOTdibbler · 17/02/2010 14:40

YANBU

And I've got some Ricosta boots (very wide, DS is more than an H) in EU size 22, and other boys 2-3 clothing sitting around waiting for me to do something with them, and would be more than happy to post them off to be of use to you if you'd like them. I know what a pain finding wide fitting shoes is

junglistwaspoorendof · 17/02/2010 14:46

You need to have words with him about basic normality and common sense.

sb6699 · 17/02/2010 14:47

YANBU - is he "aware" of all the things you need. My dh is hopeless at being practical and wouldnt realise when dc's need new shoes, etc.

I think you should write a list of exactly what you need and how much it is going to cost and tell him if there is anything left he can have it towards SAVING for a new laptop.

PandaEis · 17/02/2010 14:55

YANBU

you know you are right and he is wrong. he is a grown man with responsibilities and he needs to reassess his priorities if he thinks, seriously, that he can buy a new laptop with money you sound to be both so desperate for!

my DH has this kind of attitude sometimes and i get really quite annoyed!! we are also completely skint aswell as DH has no job since being made redundant in december and my wages dont even cover the big bills it really is ridiculous what the credit crunch has done to the lives of so many

Tumbleweed · 18/02/2010 12:16

YANBU, fedup. There's this thing called the Pyramid of Need I learnt about at college. At the top, food, clothes, shelter, health, etc. Below that, education, work, self-development, independence, etc. A laptop wasn't on the pyramid ;) but a new laptop certainly wouldn't be part of that pyramid - possibly not even in Egypt - unless in your case it could be contained within "independence"! ;) So no, YANBU. You reacted the right way and hey, snapping is part of pregnancy. Hey, just wait until post-birth humour failure ..! ;)

GypsyMoth · 18/02/2010 12:20

For future reference, sainsburys sell basic toothbrushes for 10p......

Yanbu....

Shitemum · 18/02/2010 12:26

what sb6699 said - make a list of the stuff that needs to be prioritised with the prices and show it to him.
Tell him that you aren't against him having a new laptop but it's going to have to wait till money is less tight - surely he can see that?

Shitemum · 18/02/2010 12:28

P.S. I have had no money coming in except 33 quid a week child benefit since mid-December to spend on food etc. (housing and bills covered by relative luckily) so I know what it's like

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 18/02/2010 12:31

This reminds me of when I was a baby, and my mother was scrubbing cloth nappies by hand because my parents couldn't afford a washing machine, and my father got a bonus and bought himself a stereo.

Laptop. No. I realise he's been feeling deprived for a long time and feels like he deserves a treat, but no. YANBU.

ChippingIn · 18/02/2010 12:46

Laptop? You said 'no-one is buying any luxuries....' you were quite calm - if it had been me, it would have been something more like "Yeah right ", then if I thought he was serious "Mwahhhahhahhahhahhaaa you have to be fucking joking. It's not even near the list of things we need that money let alone on it!! FFS GET REAL" (etc etc etc)

I can't believe he even considered this, let alone told you....

Unreal....

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/02/2010 13:20

"He came home all excited yesterday saying he'd decided he was going to treat himself to a new laptop with the money. I immediately said no, ... He was pretty pissed off that I'd said no instead of discussing it first, do you think AIBU to rain on his parade?"

Well, he hadn't discussed a new laptop with you, so how exactly does he get huffy because you hadn't discussed 'no' with him?

Thank goodness one of you has some sense. YANBU.

troublewithtalk · 18/02/2010 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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