to think my DSis should just leave me alone if she isn't supportive?

[bratnav]

OK, DH in hospital, was in for 12 days until yesterday, no answers, still in pain. Ended up blue lighting him to a different hospital A&E at around 8pm last night. Very kind neighbour offered to have DS so I could go with DH. Duly handed over DS, bottle of emergency formula (ebf usually) and nappies.

This morning DSis calls to 'chat' no mention of DH and how he is, how I am coping, basically the same as she has been since DH first went into hospital. Rabbitting on about giving up smoking, her spinning class etc etc. I mentioned last night, how lucky we are with our neighbours etc, but said that I was a bit upset at him having formula, her only comment was that I had given the wrong brand of formula and DS might have a tummy upset today

The only time she text me whilst DH was in hospital before was to ask if I would babysit her DS whilst she had her highlights done Never once offered to help with my 4 DCs or go and visit DH, not so such as a 'I hope you're ok' text to DH either

AIBU to ignore contact from her for now?

YANBU she sounds uncaring, especially asking you to babysit!

yanbu - she does know that your DH is in hospital ? is she always this self centered ? i would have ripped her head off at her asking you to babysit while she had her hair done .

elmo, basically, yes and yes

she is a fureak!

YADNBU to consider cutting off contact with this egocentric nutter.
Fingers crossed for your dh's recovery

I'm guessing that there is no point confronting her about this though?

She won't change will she

Wow, I'm stunned at her utter self absorption. If you spell it out to her in plain English would it make any difference?

i would just avoid her in the future if i were you tbh , hope your DH is feeling better soon xx oh & if she phones you again asking for favours ask her out straight " is she for real" . might make her cop on .

She sounds very uncaring!

Up until the bit about asking you to babysit, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, thinking perhaps she is trying to give you some 'normality', take your mind off things, or just doesn't know what to say.

But the babysitting thing tipped me over into "she's a sefish moo" territory

Perhaps when she calls, you could say "X is still in a lot of pain in the hospital. I'm quite worried about him you know."

If she changes the subject back to her - put the bloody phone down!

I think I would confront her actually, not just hints either but you should spell out how you feel. Otherwise you will remain feeling resentful. Whether or not confronting her changes her behaviour, at least you will get it off your chest.

I know I should say something, but I have done it before and all I get is defensive shouting from her about how hard her life is. Also, as my parents and I don't speak (due to v similar attitudes but more extreme IYSWIM) I am loathe to cut her off.

Can you go without phoning her for a while and whenever she phones say 'thanks for the call, not a convenient time as I have to go to the hospital to see my seriously ill DH. Catch up with you some other time...'

Would that get through to her? She does sound a miserably self-absorbed woman.

Hope your DH gets better soon.

Hi Bratnav

I'm assuming from your OP that you are the eldest and your DSis is younger. my brother can be equally self absorbed and will never do anything unless asked outright - including coming home from India when my dad was going into hospital for major surgery.

Have you tried asking her outright for help - I know she sounds selfish but maybe she would be happy yo help if you asked her??

I would cold shoulder her and hope she gets the message. She sounds like a selfish cow.

I am the eldest yes, but I thought that having her DS (18mo now) would have made her grow up and become less selfish. If anything it's the other way around, despite being desparate to have a DC she is constantly 'oh woe is me, it's so hard'

What a totally selfish cow! When I got to the bit about her asking you to babysit for her so she could have her highlights done my eyebrows actually disappeared.

YADNBU, I know you don't really want to cut contact with her, but do you really need someone this self absorbed in your life. I cannot believe your DH is that ill and she hasn't even bothered to ask how he is, let alone offer to help you.

Next time (if you do speak to her) say "oh yeah, DH is fine/not doing great by the way" in a really loud voice, cutting off whatever drivel she is spouting at the time.

How is your DH btw? Oh and don't do her any favours in the future.

DH still in hospital but a different one where they actually seem keen to work out what is wrong hopefully a diagnosis (and maybe even a cure) soon

Good luck to you and your DH then!