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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to come across as really selfish?

23 replies

ditavonteesed · 17/02/2010 08:26

what ever way I put this that is how it is going to come across so I mayb as well put it in here and get a slating.
I am not very well, only a cold but quite a bad one, yesterday I didn't go to work and dh ended up having to take the day of work to look after dc as I was that poorly.
Today I am a little bit better, trying to decide if I am ok t5o go to work, tbh am probably not, still got temp and feel like poo, not actually doing anything at work at the moment so not letting anyone down or anything. Anyway the thing is my mum has the dc while I am at work, when I saw her monday she said let me know if you aren't going to work tom so I can have a day off the dc. fair enough, now today I am thinking I am not well enough to go to work, but it is easier to go to work than stay home wuth dc, I would not lie to my mum about it, would I be unreasonablre to ring her and say, I am not going to work again today but could you please still have the dc this afternoon so I can go back to bed?

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 17/02/2010 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gorionine · 17/02/2010 08:30

I think OP's mum does look after the Dcs when she works.

LadyintheRadiator · 17/02/2010 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 17/02/2010 08:30

to my mum, I work afternoons so I have them in the morning and in term time my mum picks them up from school and nursery, in the hols she picks them up from here and dh collects them on his way home.
Thing is I know it is getting sa bit much for her, I am waiting for redundancy in Msay and then going back to being a SAHM as she is struggling ab bit.

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 17/02/2010 08:43

So they're at school and nursery? Can't you rest then?

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 17/02/2010 08:44

they are on holiday this week.

OP posts:
traumaqueen · 17/02/2010 08:44

tough one. you really ought to give her the break; can you do some sort of compromise? maybe she can just collect the kids for you so you don't have to get dressed?

LadyintheRadiator · 17/02/2010 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

compo · 17/02/2010 08:46

So you have a cold?
I would go to work tbh

rainbowinthesky · 17/02/2010 08:49

Yabu. Either go to work or stay at home with your children.

SnotBaby · 17/02/2010 08:54

I know it's really hard looking after DC when poorly, but if it's just a cold I would give the GPs the day off (particularly if they are struggling) and get out the duvet and the DVDs.

Hope you feel better soon.

throckenholt · 17/02/2010 08:55

How about you stay at home and go back to bed - but your mum comes to yours to be with the kids - that way if she struggles she can come and wake you up. And maybe if she could just give you an hour or two to rest then she could go earlier than the kids would normally
be picked up.

Sympathies about the cold by the way - I am just recovering from one that wiped me for over a week - it was grim and just wouldn't get better . Sometimes "just a cold" is much more than it sounds.

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 17/02/2010 09:01

throck, that is a really good idea, and I know it is just a cold but it has completly wiped me out, I have only once asked dh to take a day of before and that was when I had infected tonsilitus, I have actually felt as bad as that this week.

OP posts:
elmofan · 17/02/2010 09:13

how old are your dc's ?

coralanne · 17/02/2010 09:23

Does your mum work? If not please phone and tell her you still feel like crap and would like a few hours in bed and would really appreciate her having the DC for the afternoon.

There's nothing worse than having a bad cold or flu and having to look after children at the same time. (I know everyone has done it at one time or another).

My first thought was to tell your mum that you were going to work, drop the children off and then sneak back home to bed.,

Ring an hour later say "Sorry mum I got to work but came home again to bed".

Trust me no mum is going to refuse when they can see that their DD is genuinely sick and in need of help.

I missed my patchworking and sewing group today because DD had physio appointment. I looked after 2 DGC.

Getting DD's shoulder better was more important at this particular time than my quilting.

coralanne · 17/02/2010 09:26

Just a short addition. You sound as though yu really aware that your mum is struggling a bit at the moment but she knows that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm sure she won't mind.

It's always nice to read when a DD is appreciative of her mum's efforts.

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 17/02/2010 09:43

ca, I have spoken to mum, she is still going to have the dd's just a bit later, I also have my neice here this morning so my mum is picking all 3 of them up and taking them for their tea, my neice is 11 so helps a lot.
The light at the end of the tuneel is exactly what my mum said when I said I would try and sort something out until I finish work.
My mum has had the dc for me 3 evenings a week for the last year aned I could never thank her enough, she has done so much for us, she is looking after my elderly gran now, who has been going down hill so has so much on her plate.

OP posts:
coralanne · 17/02/2010 09:56

dita you have really restored my faith in DD's.

I recently responded to a thread where the OP was throwing a tantrum and calling mum all sorts of names because of a hairdressing appointment.

I was really starting to think that maybe my DD was one of the few nice ones out there.

Your niece will be a great help. They're lovely at that age.

I also have a mum who is elderly but very fit and healthy and sometimes you do drop the ball when juggling 4 generations.

.

Original poster
ditavonteesed · 17/02/2010 10:12

I think some people take for granted that their mum should always be there. my mum had a lot of emotional problems, I am eternally grateful that she is still here. she does so much, I remember once I phoned her at 8am because I had lost my rag with dd as she wouldn't get dressed, just wanted to calm myself down and she drove round, got dd dressed and explained to her teacher why we were late. I don't think I do nearly enough in return though, I do try to help out with my gran and look after her when my parents are away. I am painfully aware of how much I am putting on my mum right now and trying to think of some way to take the pressure off before May.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 17/02/2010 10:20

If you're ill enough to stay off work then you're too ill to look after children as well. In my world anyway. So your mum should follow the usual arrangements.

presumably when your mum is ill you make alternative arrangements for her.

coralanne · 17/02/2010 10:53

I think if you printed up your responses to this thread and gave it to your mum to read then that is the the reward she would want.

coralanne · 17/02/2010 10:55

Meant to say that is ALL the reward she would want.

chelle38 · 17/02/2010 11:01

not selfish, why not your still not 100%, i would ask her to take him/her so you could get a snooze and recharge your batteries, she will understand.

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