to wish my friend had considered me more?

[Astrid28]

My closest friend is gay, her girlfriends great most of the time but she's just knowingly made plans for us all to go out with her sister and a bunch of people I don't know, who all do coke (which they know isn't my idea of fun), on a night we'd already made plans. I was so looking forward to it as we don't go out together often. Maybe I'm being childish but I just feel so unimportant when we planned this big night out together and now they're just doing something else instead.

My friend has admitted she'd rather stick to the original plan, so why didn't she say that?

I haven't said anything as was told the new plans by text, just said I'll see nearer the time.

You'll all probably say what I'm thinking, that I'm not important to them and maybe they don't want to spend time with me anymore. Which is why I feel so sad. Maybe I'm hormonal because I've been weeping like a silly cow since they rearranged/cancelled.

Is that diet coke?

That's not my idea of fun either! But no....

That's not my idea of fun either! But no....

YANBU - I'd feel hurt by that too. Talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. Maybe she can un-rearrange the plan or, if not, arrange a new date when you can do what you originally intended? It sounds a bit like she was press-ganged into it.

I think she was too, but if I complain it could cause trouble with her and her girlfriend.

I wish it was as simple as one goes out with her friends for a night, and the other with hers when plans clash. But it doesn't seem to work that way.

She's your closest friend: you should be able to talk with her (not in front of her partner, obviously) about this without it being seen as 'complaining' (although I suppose it is, in a way, but a justified complaint). It's fair enough to expect to see her without her partner in tow sometimes, surely? Do you think the girlfriend feels threatened by your friendship?

I don't think so as she's much better than previous girlfriends she's had who hated us being friends. I just think she's quite bossy in some ways.

You are right, I should be able to talk to my friend. I'll give her a call tomorrow and say I'm disappointed. Its just we've managed to avoid the whole drug thing so far without me sounding like I'm giving her a lecture, and if it weren't for that side of it, I'd happily go out with their other friends somewhere else. But I know that it'll get to 11/12 and they'll go home for the 'after party'! Without meaning to sound too 1950's housewife - I don't get out much! So when I do I like have a decent night out!

Thanks for listening molesworth! X

People on coke are so tiresome, I sympathise.

I think you can say "i don't knock any fun out of taking coke or being around people who are taking it" without it seeming like a lecture. Just say that on nights you have plans to see your friend you'd prefer not to end up sitting around with people talking utter shite.

I think you are taking the development in plans far too personally. To them it probably just seems like more people and a bigger night out rather than that they've changed plans they made with you.