does he have pre-natal depression?

[ginger1979]

Just had the worst Valentines weekend!
We had planned a trip away, on the way started talking to my other half about his lack of involvement in my pregnancy (I'm 30 weeks and have been pretty ill since christmas). He said he feels lonely, he can't feel anything for me - pre-pregnancy if I was ill he'd look after me and he just can't feel the connection. Despite us being really good friends he thinks he's fallen out of love with me.

My libido is at an all time low and I've been really tired so when we do spend time together it's not particularly romantic. I've been caught up in the pregnancy and haven't involved him as much, partly because he's not interested, I've been making excuses for him - he's busy working, he has decorating to do..

It was a relief to find out how he's feeling and a bit of a weight off to realise that a lot of how tired I've been is to do with how much I've had to deal with and how alone I've been, but I'm not sure what happens now!

After much crying and distress this weekend, we left it at trying to make time for ourselves and we'll both try and involve him more in the pregnancy, neither of us want to split up, but I'm really scared - I don't know how he'll be with the baby, how it will affect how I feel about the pregnancy/baby if it's going to wreck my marriage - we both wanted this .. help!

Poor you. Having a baby is scary for both parents. Good that you are talking and planning to make time for yourselves. This is so important now and in the future. Not always easy to do but chatting through the "why I'm cross / sad / stressed" and making a bit of time for you as a couple even if it's just a hug to stay in touch will hopefully get you through the tough stuff. I think we have all been in a place where we don't feel like we love our partner "right now" but know we really should try to ride it out. Big hugs!! and Good Luck!!

Just read your post and didn't want you to feel alone, sending you some hugs!

He's probably overwhelmed by the whole baby thing. Keep talking to eachother, you'll get through this

Sounds like you both need to consider each other more than you do.

You need to focus on him and not just on your pregnancy. He probably feels lonely and unconnected because you have channelled all your energy and thought into your pregnancy. Easily done but easily rectified too.

He needs to get his head out of his backside and realise what's going on here - his wife is having his baby and she needs his support more than ever. You are about to produce the most incredible gift he will ever receive. He should be treating you like precious china, not ignoring your illnesses and adding the extra stress of that awful statement "I've fallen out of love with you!" Now is not the time for earth shattering statements like that. He should have put it on the backburner until things have settled down again.

Use this last few weeks wisely. Believe me, once that baby is born you'll both be directing all your energies on the baby so you must use the time you have now to rekindle the connection between you, if at all possible. Your relationship needs to be strong to cope with the demands of a newborn.

Good luck.

How sad for you. Why wouldn't your libido and energy levels be affected by pregnancy? You can't be held responsible for OH's reaction if this is the cause.

I think his lack of support at this time is pretty reprehensible, particularly telling you that he thinks he's fallen out of love with you, but I guess he's not choosing to behave this way. I guess you're doing all you can in talking about it and aiming to make more time for each other.

What other support do you have around you? It would be sadder still if his lack of interest did affect your own feelings for your baby. Can you surround yourself with other people who can look out for you?

How awful.

Honestly, the baby isn't going to wreck your marriage. Hopefully this is just a blip and your husband will grow up a bit and become a good father and partner, but if he does let you down, then he was always going to. If it wasn't a baby it would've been ill health or financial troubles, anything which meant you relied on him he wouldn't have withstood.

Why does it have ot have a label like 'pre-natal depression'?I prefer puerile knob myself.

My DH has always been fairly honest about the fact that he feels "weird" about me when I'm pregnant. I hate being pregnant, and really don't do it well (and thankfully never will again!) I am a hormonal nightmare, I hate the way my body changes (and he's not particularly keen either, which doesn't help!) and he worries about me and the baby, but doesn't talk about his worries in case it upsets me etc etc.

Once all 3 of ours were born he was a great and loving father, and we got our relationship back on track fairly easily.

The third time I was pregnant, we actually planned it to be when he was going to be away for 9 mths- that way we could both relax! (not suggesting you send your DH away, btw!)But it just goes to show that things can be a bit wobbly in pregnancy (no pun intended!) and then settle down again afterwards

i had this with dp when pregnant with dd, the complete sleep deprivation she then caused didnt help much, but her only sleeping on her daddy when she reached 4mnths did, something will make him click and once hed found his place as her daddy, we found time for each other again, dd is now 1 and a half and we just got engaged, being pregnants a funny time for both of you, keep talking and best of luck!

I have to say I am with moondog on this one. Why apologize for him backing out of being happy and excited?