aibu to be annoyed at these parents?

[Slartybartfast]

dd (aged 12) told me she was going to X house after school. fine, i said. she rang and asked when she shoudl be home, 6 i said. she called back to say X parents said it was too dark for her to come home then and could i pick her up later, and when.
ok i said, are they feeding you?
no, it transpires. obviously i have to cook at home and I cant come out to get her when the meal is ready, iyswim...so I suggested 6.30, thinking I will put meal on and get her...

but she rang later to say, could i get her when she called me!
i was a bit peed off by then, a) they werent feeding her and b) i had to get her.

eventually i cooked anyway, then typically no sooner was it ready then she called. I went to get her, turns out she wasnt at X's house, i called her, dialed the number she called from... no reply -- eventually she replied from her mobile. it was a different X, with same name.
i was quite cross by then. and i picked her up around 8.30, and they hadnt fed her!!
this was a school night.
i don't like these parents now.

oth, is it normal when they go to someone else's hosue, that I do the picking up?
i know i shoudl know this,
i spose cos i got the person wrong, and it was so late, imo. to not have eaten.

sounds to me like she maybe wasn't where she said at all?

oh, i hadnt thought of that.
i dont think so, she is 12. and not a liar, as far as i know.
it was her friends mobile that there wasnt a response from,
and that isnt unsual in 12 year olds.

At 12 I expect mine to make arrangements to get home either by asking me in advance or the other set of parents, or if within a couple of miles walking home!

I would feed any child after school but I think it's reasonable to expect you to pick her up though I'm usually happy to drop off any playdates if they live quite local.

Ohh no slarty is it annoying when other parents dont do what you would do - i was cross when ds went to a friends house and had to buy his own juice to drink.

It was just a bit of mix up over the friends thats all.

if my DS, who is 11, nearly 12, has friends round they have to either make their own way home or be picked up simply because I don't have a car so taking any of his friends home would involve something approaching an hour round trip either walking, by bus or a combination of the two.

I do feed any guests we have - although half DS's friends refuse to eat anything other than chips, toast or sweets so I suspect often go home feeling hungry. My Ex - who DS spends half his time with - would probably not make any attempt to feed DS or his friends...I frequently hear of them eating at 9 or later as Ex has been 'busy' (for which read texting his dodgy gf/playing online poker...)

so in answer to the op - YA possibly BU if the dropping off would be difficult for the other family for transport/other reasons, and if there was some reason why she wasnt fed.

However if they simply couldnt be arsed either to feed her or bring her home,then YANBU!

yes, i spose it reasonable to ask me to pick her up, however i got the wrong X and went to the wrong house, at first!
i didnt know where this X lived... had to find it in the dark, and was cross,
apparently as my dd was leaving her friend put a pie in the oven for herself!
odd people.

I would expect to pick DS up if he went somewhere unless the visit had been pre-arranged and the family had offerd to bring him home.
Food issue is difficult - if I was feeding DS and he had a friend here I would offer a meal once I had cleared it with the parents first - wouldn't give a full meal without their say so in case there was a meal waiting at home.
Seems like a breakdown in commumication between you and your daughter more than anything so hardly the parents' fault.

perhaps penguin

and of course our meal was ready but cold cos i was driving to find her. cross sigh.

UANBU - I would feed any child that happened to be in my house at meal times, as I do any adult. My DD is only 21 weeks so not had this yet, but if adult friends pop in and I am cooking I always make it stretch.

well lesson learnt now.
when she says can you pick me up when i ring, the answer will be NO. I will pick you up when it suits me and our family meal .... which is better in the long run her dd as well..... grrr

i honestly hadnt thought of that.

i do doubt it though, it was dark
unless it is bad X 's influence, got me thinking now.
no, i am sure she is little miss innocent ... give her a couple of years yet anyway

Maybe you need to make more definite rules with your child about school nights at other people's houses? And can you talk to the parent to say your child normally eats at 6.30pm and goes to bed a few hours later so a) should you pick up child at 6pm/can they bring child home
or
b) they could make child dinner and you'll pick them up at 7pm before it gets to late
or
c) you want your child home before it gets too dark.

I don't think you can blame the parents, thb. Sounds like your daughter was being sneaky about something... And it isn't always up to the other parents to feed your daughter!

In future make sure you speak to the parents, find out the deal with regards to meals & tell your dd that you will collect her at x time for dinner, if they are not providing food, or at x time if they are feeding her.

Oh and this

"i was a bit peed off by then....b) i had to get her"

Why would you object to collecting your own daughter?