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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? 18 stone and want another baby..

22 replies

GummyBum · 13/02/2010 14:14

Im 28, 5ft 6" and 18 stone .. Mum of 2 DC (ages 4 and 6) i was 11stone and 14 stone while preg. with them..

recently found myself wanting another baby, thinking about it constantly. DC and DH love the idea, but only hold back is my weight.. Dont think i could cope with the snide comments from midwives, doctors, other mums etc about being obese and pregnant! i bloody know im fat!

anyway, aibu and selfish? should i just forget my feelings for the baby and lose weight, trying in the future .. At 28, i feel that i dont have much time left to ttc.

any opinions? wwyd? anyone else been overweight and pregnant? thanks x

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/02/2010 14:16

i found it ALOT tougher being a stone overweight....really,made that much difference. i would lose some,seriously,first. 28 leaves plenty of time ime!

mollybob · 13/02/2010 14:22

28 is very young (I'm almost 10 years older than you and 26 weeks pregnant) Try and get fitter and lose even 1 stone before TTC - I have a high BMI and it's a hassle in terms of antenatal care and makes it harder to access an active birth etc. I have lost weight in the past and find it easier with a good incentive and there is no better incentive than broodiness.

Good luck

WhatNoLunchBreak · 13/02/2010 14:23

I would definitely try and lose some weight first, GB. Overweight mums tend to have more pregnancy and birth complications, as you probably know.

You have plenty of time left to ttc. I got pregnant at 36. If you're really keen to have another baby, why don't you ensure that you're in the best shape for both of you and focus on getting healthier?

kateyjane · 13/02/2010 14:23

I am a similarish weight. I am 25 weeks pregnant with my 4th DC. I have lost a stone since getting pregnant and am eating really healthily. It is no different to being pregnant with my other 3 (Where I was several stones lighter). Have had the odd comment from scans - it is harder for the sonographer to see clearly. I am very determined to lose weight whilst pregnant, safely. On the other hand it took me 3 years to conceive.

tiredlady · 13/02/2010 14:23

You are still very young. Lots of people, me included didn't have their first kids till their 30's.
Why don't you try and lose some weight, making a safer pregnancy your incentive. Doing it on your own is hard - how about slimming world/weight watchers?

TiggyR · 13/02/2010 14:29

I think you need to be completely honest with yourself about how you feel about your weight first. If it makes you desperately unhappy and you feel tired/out of breath all the time then another pregnancy could be risky for you and baby, and poor for your self-esteem, as ultimately you could just end up even bigger. The more babies you have the worse it gets and the harder it is to deal with. You are still very young - you have loads of time for a third baby! And you obviously didn't start off being particularly overweight, so pregnancy is obviously a bad trigger for you. I would suggest (politely and with empathy) that you try to deal with your weight first, because it sure as hell won't be easy with another baby in the mix!

cluckyduck · 13/02/2010 14:39

Try and lose the Weight first, seriously - use your baby as the 'target' or 'reward'! Whatever you do I hope it goes well for you.

scottishmummy · 13/02/2010 14:42

ask gp for dietetics referral
also ask about active health programme usually 12 wk gym and exercise programme (gp refer)

your wt statistically puts you and baby at increased risk of contraindications

no magic bullet or pill - it will be hard and require commitment

hope you achieve your aims,lose wt and have another baby

catwalker · 13/02/2010 14:49

You've got loads of time left. I had my kids at 35, 37 and 39.

You need to think about the health implications of being 18 stone for you and for your existing children before you contemplate another pregnancy.

BrahmsThirdRacket · 13/02/2010 15:07

Losing weight before ttc will take away any restrictions that docs etc may try to put on you because of your weight. It will also be better for your health in general to get back down to the weight you were when pregnant with your other babies. You've got lots of time left, don't worry about that.

Rockbird · 13/02/2010 15:16

I'm in your situation and 38 so don't have the time to play with that you do. I am planning dc2 this year, will be able to lose a few pounds but not much and am kicking myself that I am still in this position. Was the same with DD and, apart from a bit of madness at the end, the pg itself was absolutely fine, no one batted an eyelid. If I was in your shoes I would definitely try to lose as much as you can beforehand as you would be silly not to.

fluffles · 13/02/2010 15:24

You have DEFINITELY got enough time to lose weight and conceive before you are 30 (and even then, 30 is not old to ttc, i plan to ttc at 34!)

losing weight will give you so many more options and much more freedom in pregnancy but also will be good for you and your existing LOs.

if you ttc now at 18stone you could easily be over 20 when you give birth which will be hard work for you and your body.

nouveaupauvre · 13/02/2010 15:26

yanbu to want another baby, but it's worth remembering that losing weight might actually help you get pregnant - not sure what your BMI is, but a high one can actually reduce the chances of getting up the duff. and in the unlikely event that you ever needed IVF you might be asked to lose weight first to make it work better (btw at 28 you still have looooads of time, so wouldn't worry about that).
some stuff here www.gettingpregnantnow.org/Articles/Weight_And_Fertility__Stress_&Fertility.html

Morloth · 13/02/2010 15:29

I was about your size and age when I had DS1, that pregnancy was much easier physically than my current one (am not overweight but am 6 years older).

OtterInaSkoda · 13/02/2010 15:34

YABVVVU to think that at 28 you don't have much time left!

Elasticwoman · 13/02/2010 18:14

Have only read OP but I think worrying about what the health professionals think, and whether they might be rude enough to tell you about it is a bad basis for a decision. The questions are: do you want another baby? Will you be able to look after and give baby a happy and secure childhood? What effect on your health and the health of the baby will your weight, have? You need to weigh any risks against the general risks of pregnancy and childbirth anyway, and against your own desire to have a baby.

Once you have done all that, I don't think you need apologise for or justify your decision to medics whose job it is to look after you.

If you do go ahead, steel yourself against impertinent remarks by remembering that they are probably just as rude to people who are too thin, who smoke, who don't have a partner, who have a disability etc etc

ScreaminEagle · 13/02/2010 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TiggyR · 13/02/2010 18:50

Good advice Elasticwoman!

brimfull · 13/02/2010 18:53

You are def not selfish - overweight people get broody too
I was overweight when pregnant with ds.Never had a snide comment.
I did have high bp towards end of pregnancy though

Why not try and cut out sugar and processed carbs, I bet you'd lose a stone quickly.

CheerfulYank · 13/02/2010 18:58

You're definitely not selfish, but I agree that it'd perhaps be an easier pregnancy for you if you lost a bit. I'm 12 stone or so...(American trying to convert pounds to stones emoticon )and I want to lose a bit before I have another pregnancy too. Good luck to you!

CheerfulYank · 13/02/2010 18:59

Oops..13 stone.

CharlotteElloise · 29/07/2014 15:10

Hello I had my first child at 20 also I am 5' 6 and was 19 stone but saying that I carry a lot of my weight on my legs
And I wasn't tired or any thing no problems with me and baby during pregnancy
Good luck I hope you did what was best for you :)

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