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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my aunt is being fecking ridiculous?

9 replies

Coldhands · 13/02/2010 12:41

My aunt has a 15 year old DD, who lives with her and a 17 year old DS who moved out last year.

I find her attitude towards sex ridiculous and worrying. She thinks that a boy (her DS) should be incouraged to "get stuck in there", this was a couple of years ago when he was a bit younger. She said you don't have to worry about boys and you encourage them but girls are different.

Now she has spent at least 5 years going on about how her DD is obsessed with boys (doesn't help to have mother in the car pointing out guys on the pavement who have nice bums, and naked pictures of men in her airing cupboard, I think they are all from the back though) and how "she will be pregnant at 15, ha ha". Her exact words, since her DD was 10. Now her DD is very immature for her age, intellectually and mentally. She has these boyfriends (incouraged by her mother) which I wouldn't call real boyfriends. It is more like primary school relationships. But my aunt keeps letting these boyfriends stay over at weekends and her DD goes to stay at their houses.

AIBU for thinking that this is disgusting behaviour and she is trying to get her daughter pregnant? She thrives on drama and doesn't have anything in her life. She can't keep friends and doesn't work. Every little thing is a huge 'drama' to her and I can't help thinking (and others in my family agree) that she wants this to happen.

OP posts:
BAFE · 13/02/2010 12:46

YANBU - it does sound as though she wants her 15 year old dd to get pregnant.

Is there any chance you could have your niece over for a few days in the half term. Be an ally for her and tell her all about safe sex.

Original poster
Coldhands · 13/02/2010 12:53

She doesn't live near me (she is my cousin btw). I have talked to her on FB (of all places) and I have to be careful as she tells her mum everything. I did tell her about STIs etc and I even said that in an email to her mum, its not just unwanted pregnancy but there are so many diseases that can make you infertile etc. My aunt said she had told her DD that but my aunt does whatever she wants anyway, for the shock value I think. She emails me telling me that "DDs boyfriend stayed over last weekend". She likes to shock people and she knows that we would not think it is a good idea (she is pretty immature herself tbh).

OP posts:
thehillsarealive · 13/02/2010 13:54

oh give over, it is valentines weekend... let them have their fun! she is a bit late starting at 15 isnt she????

cluckyduck · 13/02/2010 15:01

Ugh, she definitely seems to want your poor Dcousin to get knocked up Its tantamount to child abuse in my eyes, and you should really say somethng

Original poster
Coldhands · 13/02/2010 19:21

Don't know what you are on about tbh, Ifind your comment quite ridiculous. thehillsarealive. Cluckyduck unfortunately there is nothing you can say to her. She is one of those people who do the exact opposite of any advice given, she really is very childish. My nan (her mum) won't say anything as she knows my aunt tells her just to get a reaction and my nan doesn't give her the satisfaction (that is what she is waiting for). She is not someone who listens to anyone and does things for effect. God knows what my cousins dad thinks, but as he doesn't live there, there is nothing he can actually do about it. It makes me very too. The woman really is an idiot sometimes.

OP posts:
PorphyrophillicPixie · 13/02/2010 19:25

Your cousin will become a statistic at this rate I can offer no advise but feel sympathy for you

Original poster
Coldhands · 14/02/2010 08:16

Thanks PorphyrophillicPixie (typing your name was bloody hard, lol)

And yes, I fear you are right. I have no idea what my cousin could even do for a job. She really is not very intelligent (sounds awful but it really is true).

OP posts:
decafgirl · 14/02/2010 08:31

Perhaps you could advise your cousin to get a contraceptive implant or the injection? Both can be sorted free of charge at a clinic (there'll be a local teen one near her) so there's a long term contraceptive in place - assuming she is definately sexually active. I do agree with cluckyduck it's tantamount to abuse on your aunt's part.

Lots of 15 yr olds are sexually active these days but not because they've more-or-less been left with no other option by their parent!

Your aunt needs something else in her life IMO.. it's quite sad really.

PorphyrophillicPixie · 14/02/2010 10:23

Coldhands: I have that problem every time I try log in, I must admit that I have the first bit on standby for copy/paste

There are some people who just end up like this for a veriety of reasons and upbringing is just one of them. If her mother doesn't seem to actually care about her daughter and only wants the drama then that's what she'll get

I come from an area with one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country and went through school with my peers dropping out to have kids constantly, they are now all statistics and not much else, very sad

I really do hope that your aunt or cousin (or both!) see sense and start doing something about your cousin's sexual health. All you can do is advise from the sidelines and hope it works

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