To feel on the verge of a breakdown

[Pushmeinthepool]

I really am at my wits end

I posted on here a while back about my DH pulling his weight in the house. I have tried so many times to get him to help; I've reasoned, talked, cried, begged, pleaded, argued, shouted, everything but he still doesn't help.

The house looks like a bomb has hit it every single day! We have 3 children, aged 11, 5 and 6 months. He will come home from work and do DIY until the cows come home but ignores the core basics of making tea for the children, cleaning kitchen afterwards, bathing baby, feeding baby, making baby's bottles etc. Clothes, coats and shoes are left randomly around the house wherever he happens to be when he takes them off. Glasses of water remain by his side of the bed for weeks, until there are lots of them.

We got our dog a few years ago, well his dog really, as he wanted her to take shooting with him. I didn't want a dog as we had one when we were growing up and I knew it would be hard work having one with children. He said that he would take 100% responsibility for her, but does he? Does he heck! He never washes the dog's bedding, never hoovers up the millions of hairs she leaves lying around, the wall around her bed gets black with filth from her and it is always muggins who has to clean it up.

He says that he's not prepared to work all day and get in and start doing housework, but I work too, although I work from home, so he wrongly assumes I can do everything at the same time as working.

He will step over huge piles of clean washing on the stairs rather than carry it upstairs, and will stand in the laundry basket to push the washing down to avoid washing anything.

I am fed up with getting in from the school run each morning and thinking "where the heck do I start?", having to clean up after everyone. I never get any time to myself. I have tried saying to him that there should be a basic level of cleanliness/tidiness in the house that we should both be striving to achieve, ie by tidying up after ourselves, putting clothes in the wash, cups in dishwasher etc but he takes no notice.

I really am at the end of my tether; I have just tidied our room and there were about 50 items of his lying around, clean and dirty; I have just bundled them up and dumped them by his side of the bed. Also every night when he's asleep he pulls the mattress cover off, and never puts it back so I have to do that every single bloody day when I make the bed. I feel like I go round in circles; constantly cleaning and tidying, but never ever getting anywhere. The 2 older children are messy too and would happily sleep in dirty bedrooms, wear dirty clothes etc.

:-(

As Claw has said happens in her house, my DC's have to follow basic household rules as well - washing in the basket, toys back in boxes, etc.

My older 2 are 11 & 5 same age as the OP's and they manage to do this which helps ALOT.

After waiting a week for DS to put his lego back in the box and telling him what would happen if he didnt, I picked it all up myself and took it to the charity shop. My friend thought this was a bit harsh, but at 11 he is old enough to put his toys away and although his room isnt perfect, most things now kept in their place.

PooExplosions I've added the bit you missed:
"I can't get over how when a woman posts about her DH treating her like a slave , the answer is to get a cleaner!" OR GET YOUR OWN (NO DOUBT AGED )MOTHER IN TO HELP YOU TIDY UP A BIT

What does he say when you point out that you need to work when you are working from home?

And do you ever go and ask him if he disappears off to PC etc when you need help, will he come if you ask him at a particular time.

Could you give him an ultimatum (and go through with it) that you are not his slave and really just go away by yourself one weekend if he doesn't help? I know it might be bad when you get back but is it really going to be much worse than a normal weekend - and at least you will have had a bit of a rest. Especially if you include the elder kids in it. (making them partly responsible if they don't tidy up their fair share)

Finally - if he is disappearing off to the PC or TV or or drill something else electrical - take all the electrical cables that connect from applicance to wall (or power packs if appropriate) and hide them somewhere they will never find them - like the laundry basket

And might be worth looking on the Lakeland.com site - I seem to remember they had something that you could use to clip the sheet to the mattress or other side of the sheet under the bed so it didn't ride up in the night...