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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to return the ballet skirt tomorrow, seeing as it was not what I ordered, and yet the dancing teachers mother insisted DD2 have it...<argh>

15 replies

psychomum5 · 11/02/2010 21:16

DD3 passed her ballet exams she did recently (with distictions too), and so is now in grade 3.

This means she needs new uniform, black instead of navy......the same as her sisters but as they have not grown out of theirs, she had none to grow into.

anyhooo

I ordered the uniform, which is seamed tights, balck leotard and black sheer fabric ballet skirt, and was reassured it would be in soon.....today in fact.

well, the girls went up to dancing, and DD3 was thrilled to find that it had been ordered, and so she went and got changed. Now, I was not with her, due to still recovering, and so was not able to point out the size of the skirt, and sort it out properly. The skirt ordered is huge. DD3 came out and showed the teachers mother (who is also the manager), but instead of saying she would order a new one, she only went and got DD2 and told her that she had to give HER skirt to DD3, and have the new, huge one.

DD2 tried to say no, as 1) the skirt was also too big for her, 2) she didn;t want to and 3), DD3 wanted her own new set, fuuly new.

Teachers mother however refused to reason with them, and put the skirt into their bag and told them that I would sort it out and take the skirt in if it was really a problem.

The skirt is massive. In fact, it would be too big for me! (not tried it on, but I can tell by looking at it). DD2 put it on and it fell straight off......it is really inappropriate for dancing for DD2 anyway as it is down past her knees, and anyone who knows ballet knows that a skirt is only supposed to come mid-thigh length so that the teather is able to see their leg lines.

I am not accepting the skirt, and yet it is out of its packaging. DD3 said she gave it back in its package saying it was too big, but the teacher took it out to try and force it upon DD2, and so the package has not come home.

She has made a mistake.......I am not cross about that, I AM cross with how she seems not to accept making mistakes, and just ordering a new one. It is not the first time she has done this......she has done it with tap shoes for DD1, and only when DH stepped in did she back down and changed them, and that was not even her fault in the beginning as the tap shoes were mis labelled....said a sz 5.5 when they were exactly the same as DD2's sz 3. It is all her inablility to accept any type of blame, or even accidental fault.

She has done it with other parents too......and most of the time we just accept that she is odd like this and so approach the teacher, and as it is her mother, and she knows what she can be like, she sorts it.

but now.......it is not so easy.

I am not well, I cannot talk properly still, I am not able to get to dancing and DH is doing some, my friend others, which makes returning it a bit of a mare.

I cannot leave it tho.......I am not willing to accept a skirt that not one of my daughters can wear (it will be too big for DD1 too.....she might have had a chance of fighting DD3s corner earlier only she is on a school trip).

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 11/02/2010 21:31
Alambil · 11/02/2010 21:33

write a letter to her?

nickschick · 11/02/2010 21:34

Just give it to dh to sort out .

nickschick · 11/02/2010 21:34

Glad your back btw .

differentID · 11/02/2010 21:36

I would fire off a letter to her, saying that you expect her to rectify the error and stating that your dd was in tears at being forced to accept the item and you will not stand for anyone bullying her. Ask if she really wants to contest the issue with dh who you will be asking to step in due to your ill-health.

Despite being unwell, I'm sure you can get the matter sorted.

Well done to dd tw!

SugarSkyHigh · 11/02/2010 21:46

first of all, congratulations to DD3 for doing so well at her Grade 2 - she should be very proud of herself! I have 3 DD's, and DD2 is Grade 5, DD1 doesn't dance. Not sure how well DD3 will do at Grade 2, but DD3 got distinction for Grade 3 (sorry,had to mention that).

Anyway, I have enough experience of crazy dance teachers to know they are all nuts. Let alone their mothers!! Sounds like this one's mother is a typical dance teacher's mother type. how about approaching the dance teacher herself, perhaps by email?? and saying something like, an unfortunate misunderstanding has occured regarding DD3's ballet kit - please can you help because none of my DD's can wear this skirt, it's simply way too big for my DD's. And DD2 has been so inspired by her Grade 2 result and really wants to work hard at Grade 3, and I had promised her her own brand new uniform. She has been in sobs. Please can you help?

SugarSkyHigh · 11/02/2010 21:49

sorry I meant DD2 got distinction for Grade 3, (not that anyone should be remotely interested)!

psychomum5 · 11/02/2010 21:49

ah, now, a letter......I did not think of that

DH miiiight sort it, but normally has to be riled and nagged enough, and as I am stuttery and shuddery still, I am not able to nag him in the right and correct way anymore, but then, me being stuttery and shuddery should be reason enough!

will do letter, and get DH to take it up, with the skirt....maybe that will work

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 11/02/2010 21:53

sugersky, for your DD's.

email to the teacher might also work, but I have her mobile too so maybe a text in the morning........

tis so damn irritating. on the one hand, the dance school is great and the teacher and her mum are lovely.

but order anything and it is wrong, and she takes it all so personally and cannot accept that sometimes, mistake happen, or things just are not suitable. I am damn sure that if SHE ordered something and it was wrong, she would not accept it!!

OP posts:
islandofsodor · 11/02/2010 21:59

What exam board is it? I tend to get things from either IDS a trade catalogue or there is also Dance Direct which is available nothe internet, reasonably priced and they stock uniform for most of the major exam boards.

Adair · 11/02/2010 22:00

yup, a letter given by dd, you just act nonchalant and calm. Ignore all dd has told you, say you didn't really understand what she said.
'Here is the skirt - dd must have brought it home in error as it is enormous! I enclose the skirt and wait to receive the correct one asap. Thanks, Psycho'

Calm, assumption that everyone is nice and friendly and is all just honest mistakes... and clear expectations of what you want to happen.

If you pay for a skirt for dd, you need a skirt for dd!

Adair · 11/02/2010 22:03

Ah, didn't read your second post. In that case, you blame the company and ask her to check with them. You will need to reassure her that 'thanks so much for doing the ordering' but remain firm, use humour 'obviously dd can't wear this one, can she?!! It'd fall off mid-pirouette '**not a ballet person here

islandofsodor · 11/02/2010 22:10

Mind you to be fair a lot of dance stuff is initially bought large so that it lasts the entire time they need it (at dd's school they wear the same stuff for around 3 years). Character skirts which are expensive are adjusted for example.

However this clearly sounds too big.

psychomum5 · 12/02/2010 10:08

islandofsodor, exam board is BTDA, but I am almost certain that the uniform is still set by the teacher as opposed to the exam board.

as for the buying big and adjusting, I would (and have when it is something that isn;t so obviously massive, as you did say), but this time, even if it could have been adjusted, I am not in any fit state to sew due to shakey hand.

adair, I am kind of hoping that it can be blame adjusted, if not for trying to keep the peace, but more for the girls.....they don;t really need me mouthing of on a letter that I cannot back up, and they are standing there expecting a new skirt in exchange for IYGWIM.

lets hope it gets sorted calmly!

OP posts:
islandofsodor · 13/02/2010 23:17

I think you are right, BTDA is not like RAD/BBO/ISTD where specific styles and colours are set for different Grades.

I have the catalogues for most of the UK exam boards but not them I don't think.

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