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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sometimes really dislike my toddler?

26 replies

ibetitsonlyme · 11/02/2010 13:00

AIBU and a bad mother??

Its only 1pm and the whole morning has been a battle.....I am physically and emotional battered.

Getting up at 5:30, DC had a bad dream, no problem, but then wouldn't stay still in our bed, insisted on going down stairs.

Wouldn't sit in highchair, insisted on TV being on during breakfast.....throw yogart on the floor, shouted to have TV turned over.....hit me for not being quick enough and getting the programme wrong.....

Wouldn't get in the bath, throw toys out......

Wouldn't get dressed.......throw toys used to distract around the room......

Moaned in the car.....

Finally home, ready for lunch, wouldn't sit in highchair......throw lunch on floor....

Now time for sleep, wouldn't come up stairs, wouldn't sit down for story.

SO IS NOW HAVING A TANTRUM IN COT!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has gone quiet......feel terrible today

OP posts:
Original poster
ibetitsonlyme · 11/02/2010 13:01

DC is 2years 2 months.......new baby due at day.....haven't got a hope in hell of coping

OP posts:
2shoesisboredwithjsthreads · 11/02/2010 13:02

you are soooo not a bad parent
every one doesn't like thier child at some time or othe, have a cup of tea and thend give him a cuddle

Tillyscoutsmum · 11/02/2010 13:06

We all have days like this - sounds like your dc was just overtired from waking early. Hopefully it'll be a bit easier after a nap. Try and get some rest while you can.

I have a toddler (2.8) and a newborn as well and it is tough but those last few weeks of pregnancy are so incredibly difficult. Be kind to yourself x

Morloth · 11/02/2010 13:06

Toddlers are horrid little dictators.

They know exactly how to push your buttons and also how to be such so god-damned cute occasionally. The little buggers mess with your head.

DS used to have the absolutely most insane tantrums, he grew out of it. When he really got going I would put him in his cot, close the door and go and have a cup of tea, for his own safety.

BettyTurnip · 11/02/2010 13:06

Sounds like most days in our house . You're not alone.

GhoulsAreLoud · 11/02/2010 13:07

Well I would never say I dislike my toddler but she does push me to my limits sometimes.

Your day sounds very much like mine, sympathies.

Francagoestohollywood · 11/02/2010 13:08

Toddlers aren't always likeable, actually they can be quite scary!!! Try to get a little rest while he is napping.

motherbeyond · 11/02/2010 13:13

please don't feel like that.totally agree with morloth.
i have a toddler a bit younger,a 3 year old and am 6 months pregnant!!!
sometimes,it's very,very,hard. but sometimes,we have a really lovely day together...so that balances it out.
you must have some god days too.hang on to those,you'll be fine when the baby comes...it might even calm him down

JaneS · 11/02/2010 13:14

Imo, it's better to admit to not liking your child occasionally, than to bottle it up, get cross, and give them the (wrong) impression that they're not loved.

Original poster
ibetitsonlyme · 11/02/2010 13:41

I love DC with all my heart, they are just such hard work. Just been up to take a look in the cot. OMG, DC has taken off the sleeping bag, undressed teddy also, had a good shake of their drink all over bed and isn't asleep

OP posts:
Morloth · 11/02/2010 13:42

pmsl, just leave him too it ibetitsonlyme.

megapixels · 11/02/2010 13:45

I don't think dislike is quite the word you want, but I know exactly what you mean. Don't be hard on yourself, the toddler years are so hard.

MorrisZapp · 11/02/2010 13:45

'I love you but I don't like your behaviour' fits nicely here.

If a kid has been a little horror then of course you feel frustrated/ annoyed/ tired etc. Doesn't mean you love them any less.

CaptainHaddock · 11/02/2010 13:53

I feel your pain! My youngest DD (2.6) is having at least 2 tantrums a day at the moment and they always seem to coincide with the school run. I get lots of sympathetic looks from other Mums, but honestly I could throttle her at times!

Pikelit · 11/02/2010 13:57

I feel for you. DS1 decided to turn from Angel Baby to Devil Child a month before ds2 was born. I got less amenable, I'm afraid. Tantrums were ignored and toys that got thrown around were quietly put away. A lot of calm naps were encouraged because I think that tiredness is at the root of a lot of these behaviours. Mainly because toddlers have very busy lives and tend to take lots of physical exercise.

But don't worry, you'll cope - especially if you can carry on being honest about how, sometimes, your child can leave you rather unimpressed.

hazeyjane · 11/02/2010 14:01

Well I have been feeling like none of us like each other this morning.

Dd1(3.11) is going through a big 'stroppy madam' phase, foot stamping, screaming, fits of drama queen bad temper, and fights with her sister who is....

...Dd2(2.9) and she is, well 2.9!She switches from angel to screaming tasmanian devil in seconds, for something as terrible as having the wrong socks on.

I am pregnant with dc3 (due in July), so have to accept i am tired and cranky, which probably makes them tired and cranky, but god its hard sometimes!

Fortunately we had a dance around the kitchen to Stevie Wonder earlier, and it is amazing the difference 3 nice, giggly minutes can make.

Hope your day gets better

JaneS · 11/02/2010 14:02

Sorry, ibetitsonlyme - I didn't intend to sound as if I was questioning whether you loved your DC! I meant to say that it's ok not to like them all the time, and it's honest and a good idea to actually admit that to yourself.

What I think is worrying is when parents pretend they don't feel this way - children usually know, and they need to learn that mum and dad will always love them, but that there are times when they are not behaving in a likable way. You wouldn't expect always to like any adult in your life (rows with DP, etc.), but liking is different from love, and that's something children need to learn.

EmmaBemma · 11/02/2010 14:11

"I don't think dislike is quite the word you want"

Isn't it? I don't think there's anything wrong with the word, it's clear ibetitsonlyme loves her child and is just expressing frustration in a safe place at his/her behaviour.

ShiriDoula · 11/02/2010 14:17

it's called "the terrible twos" for a reason :-)

We all get days like that. don't feel bad.

((hugs))

Miggsie · 11/02/2010 14:53

I love my DD.

I utterly loathed and detested her toddler stages and gladly dropped her off at nursery each day.

She is now 6 and a lovely little girl.

It passes...but you have to be firm!

megapixels · 11/02/2010 16:21

Don't know, maybe it is then Emma.

MadameDefarge · 11/02/2010 16:55

I remember when ds was about your toddlers age crying in a heap on his bedroom floor "why are you doing this to me?"

To be fair, I had undiagnosed PND, but really, it drove me to my limits!

Now we are absolutely fine. Not much consolation, but it is part and parcel of being a parent, and not your fault at all, and your feelings are very understandable. It takes a lot of emotional and physical energy to combat those feelings, and to remember they are very small and just don't operate at our levels of emotional awareness. They are just being very small people!

None of us are perfect parents, the best we can be is "good enough".

skinsl · 11/02/2010 17:21

i have one of those, you are not alone.
today he has thrown juice, milk, snack, didn't eat lunch, taken frozen bread from the counter!! ran out into the street without me, peed on the floor, thrown his dummies( good), hit me, taken all the cushions off the couch, thrown his peppa pig house. packed him off to nursery this afternoon!!

poshsinglemum · 11/02/2010 17:58

DD has turned into the tasmanian devil over the past few days. She whirls around the house in a strop and nothing seems good enough for her. She's only 19.5 months.

I can't help wondering where my sweet baby girl has gone.

Triggles · 11/02/2010 18:01

I think it's good to realise that while you love your children, you're not always going to like them (or maybe more accurately, their behaviour!). There's a reason they call it the "terrible twos" and "threenagers", you know!!! It's difficult because, unlike with older kids, you can't just say "go to your room" and ignore for an hour while you regroup. It's full-on all day and sometimes night, which means sleep-deprivation enters into it as well.

Don't beat yourself up about it.