to want my DC's to know their half sibling?

[NewTeacher]

My DH has a child from a previous relationship who is now in their teens. My DH has had no contact for the past 6 years other than the letters and cards our DC's send. (THats another long story we have tried for access but his XW has made it impossible).

Now the child has a facebook account and I told my DS who being only 6 asked if he could talk to his sibling. I agreed but am finding that the child is being mean by emphasising the new brother and sister they have in their new family and doesnt want to acknowledge the siblings from their dads family.

This child has even put on FB I love my mum and dad (we have no probs with that but I think she is trying to make her real dad feel bad!).Child has also changed her info to say she LOVES her siblings (from her mothers side).

I feel that I have made a mistake in allowing my son to speak to their half sibling as she is trying to hurt him. Why would she and her mother feel that it is ok to do this?

FioFIo - Thanks.....

I could sit here and write a whole 5000 words essay on what happened whenwe tried to get contact.
The abusive phone calls from XW and her partner.
The letters from his DD who was 7 at the time telling DH to F..OFF etc
It was heart breaking for him and for me to watch the man I love crumble was causing us too much pain and our child was getting ignored.
The costs were over £10K we are not rich, she kept dragging it through court by not appearing we went to CAFCASS who sent their report who said the child had been coached but still nothing came of it in court.
You have to draw the line somewhere...

So please dont sit there and judge when you dont know the full facts.

I will cancel the FB account and not bother. She knows we are willing and can find us when she wants.

Are you completely mad? Your six year old has been encouraged to use Facebook as the medium to contact a half sibling who isn't in contact with their shared parent? Do you realise the damage you could cause your child by allowing him to be manipulated like this? Or indeed by being on Facebook in the first place.If you can't see the inappropriateness of this situation then I'm stunned into a rare silence!

Access to the half-sibling is a matter for the courts. Not some internet conspiracy.

It sounds as if it's been a horribly stressful experience for you. I do hope they get in touch when they are ready.

I don't think anyone means to judge your motivation. I think it's just that facebook can be such a pain - the other child presumably has friends, and perhaps his mum and dad, seeing what he says to his new siblings, and that's not easy. But don't feel judged: no-one has suggested you are wrong to want the children to know each other - in fact, it's very brave that you are able to consider your children's extended family. So don't get down, just accept that maybe it wasn't a good time and place right now.

You can't force families to keep or get in contact with each other...the reality is the half sibling/s may never want to know each other.

This is adult stuff imo so let the adults deal with it.

Teenagers can be extremely cutting and vindictive anyway without the added 'input' of such obvious animosity between DH and ExW. All you will do by pushing things is open up your 6 year old to all sorts of hurt and manipulation.

Let it go....if they want to know each other in years to come then they will find each other I'm sure.

Fio I don't either! God mum? Was that a typo?

kids- esp teenagers have messages all over their accounts saying i love my brother/sister etc followed by i hate my brother/sister/dad 5 minutes later. I think that you are being way way over sensitive on this.

stop the whole thing now- you might want your child to know their sibling but it has been obvious all the way along that this is going to be difficult.

if your ds is 6 and they are teenage, leave it for a few years- you never know older one may come looking in a few years time.

and ditto comments others have made re 6 year olds and face book- its madness

Sad though it may be for you, I think you need to step back.

Any attempt at reconciliation with his children needs to be by him, through their mother, not through your son (you) via Facebook.

For your son, at the moment, it's just the idea of a new cyberfriend. The reality could turn out to be deeply unpleasant and emotionally unsettling for him.

FWIW, and although I'm 45 almost, I found my half sister on FB yesterday and thought There but for the grace of God.......

Lol Fio, I try