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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To continue sending son to cubs?

23 replies

hedwig2001 · 11/02/2010 12:09

My DS has been at Cubs since last summer. Until recently he loved it. Since November there have been several changes. New pack leader, his friend left and a change in activities due to the winter. Now every week he says he doesn't want to go. His attitude is not really "I hate it and its terrible", more "I don't like school on Wednesday because maths is boring!" if you see what I mean.
I've tried to identify the problem:
New leader (who shouts more than the previous)- DS says "no, she's not the problem".
Missing his friend - says "yes, this is part of it".
Change in activities - loved it when they spent time outdoors doing sports etc, doesn't like the winter activities.
When he comes out of each Cubs meeting, he is bouncing up and down telling me that he had fun.
But each following week when you say "Cubs tomorrow" we get the same " I don't like Cubs".
I'm hoping when the weather gets better and they can be outside again he'll enjoy it more, but that is a long way off. I don't know what to do for the best. Should I get him to persevere or give it up?

OP posts:

WeddingDaze · 11/02/2010 12:11

Me personally would persevere.

It's not as if he hates it, and has fun when there.

diddl · 11/02/2010 12:12

If he enjoys himself whilst there I would keep it going.

He´s perhaps a bit nervous that he won´t enjoy himself iyswim.

Pikelit · 11/02/2010 12:14

All the while he comes out of Cubs telling you how much fun he's had, I'd persevere. If, on Cubs night itself he starts to be seriously unwilling to get ready and go then I'd rethink. But right now I don't know that he knows what he wants to do!

Poledra · 11/02/2010 12:17

I'd persevere, as he seems to have fun when he's actually there. TBH, in winter I often feel reluctant to go somewhere (it's dark, it's cold, can I stay in and watch telly?) but enjoy it when I do go - is there any of that in the mix too, do you think?

nettie · 11/02/2010 12:19

DS1, has been through beavers, cubs and is now a scout we still get the "I don't want to go" every week but he comes bouncy, smiley and have enjoyed himself. I think its just the hassle of getting ready and going out that he doesn't like as opposed to where he's actually going! Could your son be the same?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/02/2010 13:01

I'd persevere as well. I agree it's probably about the cold weather and going out again in the dark

Does he take part in the weekend events/fundraisers?

I am v biased as both my DSs do Cubs/Beavers, and I think it's the best thing ever

sowhatis · 11/02/2010 13:05

MY DS1 HAS JUST STARTED BEAVERS AND LOVES IT!!!!! I would perservere with him. hope he 'wants' to go again soon x

potoftea · 11/02/2010 13:08

My ds often complained like this before he went to an activity. And said I was forcing him to go.
So I started saying, "well you can't just not turn up. If you really want to leave, then go tonight, and at the end tell them you won't be back again."
Each week he enjoyed it when he was there and of course didn't tell them he was leaving. But he didn't feel like I was forcing him to do something he didn't want to do.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/02/2010 13:09

You are very wise potoftea

CantSupinate · 11/02/2010 13:15

Presumably you have already paid subs until the end of term, so I'd require him to keep going until end of already-paid for meetings, and then see if he feels any different; if not, I'd let him stop. But then my DS's hate school and I make them go to that so I don't have the energy to make them go to optional clubs, too.

Look at it this way, it frees up some time for him to try another activity that he might absolutely love. Sometimes they do just outgrow things.

Poledra · 11/02/2010 13:35

potoftea, I'm nicking that one - it's inspired!

Original poster

hedwig2001 · 11/02/2010 13:50

Thanks for the responses so far, ladies.
I'm tempted to try your tactic potoftea but my DS(the little toad) would probably call my bluff!

OP posts:

weblette · 11/02/2010 14:12

Talk to the leader about it - it would really help her to know.

I'm a Beaver leader and I much prefer to know about any reluctance to attend so I can try to help. Last thing I want to do is lose someone!

spiderpig8 · 11/02/2010 18:57

I think its true of many ,if not most after school clubs.They don't want to bother going but like it when they get there.

spiderpig8 · 11/02/2010 19:00

I think its true of many ,if not most after school clubs.They don't want to bother going but like it when they get there.

overmydeadbody · 11/02/2010 19:01

I don't think it's a case of calling your bluff, if he really doesn't want to go anymore he'll tell the cub leader himself.

If he actually tells the cub leader he doesn't want to go anymore, then there's your answer.

taffetacat · 11/02/2010 19:07

Have just pulled my DS out of Beavers. I think he was putting forward more of an argument than your DS. None of his friends go, there are lots of older boys there, and some are a bit rough in their play. He just wasn't enjoying it. Plus its an hour and a half and he already does loads of other after school activities that he loves.

I wasn't prepared to keep persuading and cajoling each week just on the promise of going into the woods one time next summer.

If he really shows an interest in the future, will try Scouts.But I suspect its probably just not his bag.

ChasingSquirrels · 11/02/2010 19:12

I had this with ds1 when he started Beavers - it was a pita to get him there and I just wasn't prepared to argue about going every week.
I sat him down and had a serious talk, told him it was a real pita getting there, but I was prepared to do it if he wanted to go, however I wasn't prepared to keep doing it if I had to nag him about it in order to get there.
He obviously took it on board as in about 18 months he has only said he doesn't want to go a handful of times - and then for very specific reasons.
Would it be worth having a proper chat, maybe at the weekend so not when having to go is looming?

maristella · 11/02/2010 19:18

ds left scouts because the bullying just got worse and worse he started saying he wasn't keen etc etc then i gradually got to the bottom of it. it was such a shame because i had had so much respect for the organisation with which he had had so much fun, but things soured. and the leaders weren't interested in helping when their son started putting the boot in too.

Original poster

hedwig2001 · 05/03/2010 09:22

Follow up:
When it was time to go back to cubs after half-term my son's objections changed from grumbling to sobbing. So I took potoftea's advice and told him "well you can't just not turn up. If you really want to leave, then go tonight, and at the end tell them you won't be back again."
He wanted me to tell them for him but I said it was up to him.
At the end of the meeting he came bouncing out, all smiles, telling me they made pancakes!
I asked if he had spoken to Akela and he said "yes".
So despite a good last meeting he has left Cubs.
I'm rather sad because he had enjoyed it so much and I thought it would be a good ongoing activity for him, but I guess if he feels that strongly, then he has made the right decision.

OP posts:

musicalmum43 · 05/03/2010 10:45

You say his friend left - is there any way of cultivating another special friend at Cubs? Mums usually appreciate a bit of lift sharing, so if on Weds a friend comes back from school for tea and Cubs, that might make it seem more fun.

Why did his friend leave? Has he gone on to scouts, and if so, is your son nearly at the scouts age?

Are there any young leaders there? Cubs quite often enjoy "helping" the young leaders, and they in turn are often good at seeing if there is any problem at the beginning of the meeting, for example, in finding someone to hook up with.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/03/2010 11:01

hedwig thanks for the update. Since I last posted, we've been in exactly the same situation ! The last 2 weeks DS1 has been reluctant to go, as well, so - like you - I got him to speak to Akela (which, like you, he wanted me to do for him).

The upshot of that is that she told him that she'd be very sad for him to leave (he won "Most Improved Cub" for his increasing confidence last year), and they have agreed that he doesn't have to go every week. I am also waiting for a phonecall from her.

I think the issue for him is feeling down and tired after a bad day at school, and cubs is on a Monday, when he's at a bit of a low edd. I identified with him that he feels better after he goes, so in a way, not wanting to go is a sign he really needs to, IYSWIM. He also really wants to go on Camp in a months time, so that's a point in favour of continuing to go.

I find it very hard to know when to push and when not to, because I really do feel that I know what's best for him in this case , yet I want to respect his opinions. Hard, isn't it ?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/03/2010 11:02

that was meant to be "low ebb", not low edd

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