AIBU to think my boss is being unreasonable reacting this way?

[maxpower]

In the last fortnight, it's been made very clear that there will be extensive cuts and restructuring at work over the next 3 years. While there's a lot of talk from the driectors about how hard they'll work to keep people in jobs (either in the same organisation or partner ones - who incidentally are also having their budgets cut) they have also acknowledged that job losses may occur.

I am the main earner in our family - DH left a well paid job last year to retrain, but even when he's fully qualified in his new role, he will earn less than I do at the moment. We have a DC, mortgage, car - we don't live an extravagant lifestyle and don't have oodles of spare cash so my income is important in allowing us to manage.

When the situation at work first reared it's head, I looked around to what the job market was like. I saw an ideal job at another place so applied. When I told my manager I'd been invited for interview, her response was that she understood but was disappointed that I'd applied for another job.

I feel really hurt by her comment - she herself said she was scared for her job - so is it fair for her to expect me to stay where I am and run the risk of losing a job that I really do need, when alternatives are out there?

Um, no, but is she saying that? Sounds to me like she's disappointed that she might be losing you, rather than expecting you to stay if you don't want to and have found something else.

If you're good at your job you are less likely to be selected for redundancy if it's a case of reducing headcount, as the chances are you will do well in selection criteria. People who don't perform well or have poor attendance records, or disciplinary records are more likely to go. I imagine she's optimistic that you wouldn't be made redundant and disappointed at the prospect of losing you.

No think about your family and move on.

I wouldnt have told her about the interview tbh.

She may feel disappointed because you are good at your job and she doesnt want to lose you.

Tbh, I wouldn't have told her about an interview.

And agree with flowery, maybe you've misinterpreted what she said.

Perhaps what she meant was that she was unhappy at the thought of losing you, because you are so good at your job. Perhaps she hoped you'd both support each other in the uncertain times ahead.

But yes, as a manager it's unhelpful to say that sort of thing - part of the burden of management, I guess, is that you have to not 'lean' on the people you manage.

Out of interest, why did you tell her about the potential new job so early in the recruitment process? Do they want to take up references pre-interview?

great minds, lambanana

Depends which tone she used when said it. If it was said in a reasonable way then sounds like she is disapointed but understands. My DH has sadly had to make alot of people redundant and has often commented that he often ends up losing the very people he wnated to keep as they apply for other jobs and invariably get them. Sounds to me as though you have alot on your plate right now and perhaps reading too much into her comment. Good luck with the job application.

YABU

I would take it as a compliment.

When I told my boss I was applying for another job, he looked positively relieved

Not to bore people with the background, but I was going to apply for 2 positions last year and talked it through with her - she's a really supportive manager and we have a great working relationship. She was supportive of my reasoning behind looking for a new post last year, but a new opportunity presented itself where I was - in no small part down to my boss - and I made the decision to stay. I guess that's why I was upset by her comment.

I had no hesitation in telling her I had been offered an interview. In my opininon, it's the grown up thing to do - she wouldn't make my life difficult for it, so there's nothing for me to lose. I also think she'd have been hurt if I was offered the job and I only told her afterwards, when I needed her to do a reference.

I take your point about me misinterpreting her disappointment. Maybe she does mean that she'd be sorry to lose me....hadn't thought about it like that.

feelingsensitive if I knew my boss's job was secure, I wouldn't have any worries. But she's in just as precarious a position as me.

I think you've answered yourself when you say that your current position is due in no small part to her.

Still think it's odd that you told her about the interview. No one has ever done that to me (and I've never done it to any boss) and I've worked with people who I would now say are among my best friends.

I've never been sure of the right moment to tell a current boss about a potential new job - it's a minefield whatever you do.

I think, given your circumstances, it would be weird if you weren't looking around to see what else might be available - so it shouldn't really surprise your manager.

She might also be feeling a bit cut adrift at the thought of you going, her job uncertain, and having nothing in the pipeline herself.

I'm a line manager myself and I'd much prefer to have my staff tell me if they were going for an interview. I consider it one of my responsibilites to support their professional development and would want them to feel that they could talk to me about job opportunities without consequence. Maybe I've just been lucky with my bosses in the past, but they've always demonstrated this attitude towards me. However, I realise that there are bosses who you wouldn't tell for fear of how they might react or what they might do, especially if you didn't get the job.

I suppose that I just thought she'd be more understanding about why I would be looking around at other jobs. But I may be doing her an injustice.