to not want my daughter to go on this playdate?

[Irishchic]

My Dd (7) does not even get on with this child. My dd is one of the youngest in her class and this girl bosses her about, and tries to bully my dd, but she is fairly good at standing up for herself. This child does not like my dd having any other friends except her.

And her mother is pressing me for my DD to go to them for a playdate. I don't really want her to go, my dd really isnt that pushed but I dont want to be rude. How can I say no without explaining the reasons why?

I asked the dad of a girl that dd likes if we could set up a playdate, he said 'oh yes, we'll have to set that up when the weather gets warmer.' I felt snubbed, but it wasn't overtly rude. I don't think he had anything against us, I think he actually didn't know who I was but didn't want to say so. Either way I won't be pursuing it in a hurry.

(We are not in the UK, weather will probably be getting warmer around mid-April)

support your daughter it's more important than just being polite in this case imo....just say that your dd doesn't want to go because she doesn't feel they get on very well at the moment...if the mum asks for more details, tell her.

I would say that you've noticed their friendship becoming quite exclusive, and you want to encourage your DD to be friends with everyone.

YANBU.

DD has lots of after school activities so fitting in a date is difficult?

DD is very tired after school?

DD doesn't like play dates?

Or maybe you're just going to have to be honest and risk loosing this Mum as a potential friend?

Who knows maybe if you invite her DD to your house she may play really nicely.

Thanks, I think I will just try to come up with an excuse for this time in the hope she forgets about it.

Its awkward. I live in a small town and don't want to fall out unecessarily.

The last time the child was in the house she managed to pull a towel rail out of the wall I think by swinging off it. I know it was an accident but still, was a bit

Don;t put the mothers feelings before your dd's. I ahve said on occasion 'I'm sorry, but she/he doesn't want to come..but thanks for inviting'

Just say your busy at the moment or you have a lot on and just leave it at that, or wait till the weather gets warmer

I think Cyb is right. If this mother is not a close friend or anything, then you've nothing to loose. But you could just say that you're busy with clubs and activities everyday.

Wouldn't it be in the interests of your DD if she did become better friends with bully-girl, maybe bullygirl would come to respect her more? I just wondered if maybe you could deflect the playdate by suggesting some kind of joint meet-up (soft play?) where you would both stay and both supervise how the girls interacted.
I'd be tempted to try that.

Rosewater came up with some good ones which i would use.

It may be that the other mother is the one driving it - maybe sees your DD as a good influence - the kind of friend she'd like her to have.

BUT, if your DD is not up for it, I'd make excuses the first time, then be more direct after that if she persists ("I don't think they're getting on that well at the moment")

"he said 'oh yes, we'll have to set that up when the weather gets warmer.' I felt snubbed,"

oh no, I've said something similar recently and I really didn't mean it as 'not likely'.

Hmm Paisley but you obviously weren't that keen were you?

It's okay I was not really offended. In fact I might try the mother instead.