to feel like giving up on ds birthday party plans?

[TrickyTeenagersMum]

Hello,

Ds is about to be 8 and, of course, wants a party. Trouble is, he has mild Asperger's and isn't the most popular kid in the school. Two out of the three kids he counts as his "best friends" (his words) have had parties in the past couple of months and not invited him.
I feel very sad and sorry for him, as I honestly don't know who to invite.

In past years we've gone for huge do's, 30 plus kids, and last year just had 10, who all came along. But this year they do all seem to be less united as a class and more in their individual friendship groups. I really don't know what to do.
Must make a decision before half term so I can get the invites out.

Do I go for a full-on whole class do, eg swimming, as that way at least ds will feel he's had a good crack of the whip and some at least will come (last time I invited 30, 15 turned up ).

Or do I try to get say five together who genuinely like ds and do something like bowling or the cinema?

Or do I just ask his one genuine pal, who is really lovely and has nice mum, to a sleepover and bowling with the rest of the family, and call that a party?

Personally, I'd do the five together with pictures etc.. and do birthday bags for his class.

Have you tried having play dates for ds with his "best friends" ? or other school friends to build relationships.

My ds1, (4 on his birthday on the 17th of this month) and I have invited 5 of his school friends (including other threads boy) to diggerland, and for his class I am doing party bags. (18 children).

Hi there, diggerland sounds good and hardly any of the kids have been there, good idea. Yes I have done quite a lot of playdates, but the usually just three kids who know him well - but two of them are the two who didn't invite him to their parties just recently. I feel a bit defeated, really, as you can't force your kid's friendship on people, or at least not when they get to 7/8, can you?

Last year had a similar type of situation. DS wanted a party so we booked it , but by the time it was getting near there was so much falling out etc (class was very fractured by constant teacher change)that we decided not to bother. He took one best friend on a day out with us all and had a family bday tea. He was more than happy and I was much happier than stressing over a 6th bay!

I would just go for a few friends that he likes and have a fun packed day instead of the whole class tbh. Smaller can be better i think its more intimate and a chance for him to get to know some friends outside school

I'd go for the five too.

And don't worry too much, it's always like this whether they have Asperger's or not. You always get one or two really popular invited to everything ones, and then everyone else.

I posted on Parenting

hi Tricky, its me but i have named changed. We have exchanged emails.

I would do the 5 friends thing too - sounds fab, wish i was closer!!

5 friends sounds reasonable to me. I wouldn't do party bags for the rest of the class though...that's insane and kind of rubs their noses in the fact that they weren't invited

hi all, thanks for your wise words (and Jamie too on the other thread .
We are going to go for small party trip to the cinema, and hope for the best - ie that at least some will come
2boys2 great to hear from you. Have just been contacted by the Child and Adolescent Mental Health team and they are talking about a Webster Strachan support group (?)- I await details... And we are to be seeing a clinical psychologist for help with parenting styles (ahem, that I think means dh and I are going to have to learn to sing from the same hymn sheet instead of one being calm, the other losing it, then swapping over!

Tricky - that sounds familiar, the swopping over thing!!

we have had an email back from the man from the county autistic team. Will forward it to you privately and see what you think of it