Am I being unreasonable or is dh?

[LaurieFairyCake]

DH is a teacher. He has a school parents evening tomorrow - he's not seeing parents just organising his staff for it (which is all done, he stayed til 10 last night to do it).

He has arranged to go to DD's parents evening - he has made appointments with all her teachers. She is in care with us so it's really important that we support her schooling. I will have to record on all the forms that we didn't attend.

All believing that it wouldn't be a problem as he's not actually meeting parents. He also thought that in this case solely his own dd trumped attending his own school parents evening.

I mean 'solely' because it never does any other time and we know that and we're ok with that.

I can't go as dd isn't allowed to go and there's no one to look after her.

I've told him to try saying 'NO' to the head and looking puzzled at this 'unreasonable request' .

Get him to take DD to school with him, if he's not seeing parents. Then you go to her parent's evening.

Schools are too far apart. I can't take her to his school and then make it back to parents evening in rush hour. It would also mean she would be out very late (and she's not allowed the disruption in routine).

You're right cat. She's not allowed to sit on her own, she's not allowed to go to parents evening, she's not allowed to be at others houses etc etc. He can't go to see her teachers during the day as he's too far away to get back in time.

Yes, he has been mandated to go but I'm pissed off he didn't check first before making all the appointments. I'm pissed off that he assumed it would be ok as it never is. The next time I am going to be able to sort it out as instead of having him sort it out I will arrange respite care so I can go - I just can't do that with one days notice.

Actually I'm just generally annoyed at the whole thing

Why did he make appointments to see all dds teachers, on a day he can neither attend nor look after dd while YOU go? It doesnt make sense. Can you reschedule your dds parents evening saying it collides with your husbands work this particular evening and do it another evening when he does not work, or you can have arrange alternative childcare?

She has extra needs so leaving her in the car is not an option.

You're right tsc that's why I'm annoyed - he has left it very late for me to sort out.

I will get respite for the next time.

I can understand you being annoyed but yes teachers are contracted for this stuff. I think it does depend on the head though - some would be more reasonable/flexible though I guess that's very unusual

If this were me, I would take her with me. That seems to me to be the most easily 'bent' rule....school say she's not allowed, but if you can't get anyone else to have her then you have no choice but to take her. The teachers will simply have to tailor what they say to say it in her hearing.

Then you have still gone (and don't have to fill in the 'I did not support my child's schooling' report of shame )and you haven't broken any placement rules eg left her alone etc

everybody's 'appy

(nearly)

Quite Quint hence the annoyance - what exactly was the point of him not checking and arranging the appointments.

I have no idea, apart from the standard 'he's tired as its nearly half-term'. I'm swiftly running out of sympathy with that today as when I came home last night the carbon monoxide detector was going off very loudly and he had left the stove doors open so the downstairs was filled with black smoke.

He was asleep at 9.30 and didn't notice.

Can you ask if there is another member of staff who can be with her in the school library and look at books with her while you go for the parents evening?

I might do that Cirrhosis once I decide whether its worse to fill in the form or put up with a long, rambling lecture from DH about what to ask her teachers (I haven't a clue as it's all in secondary teacher speak).

I'm not sure which is worse.

Well Laurie youll be in the same boat as many of us mums with regards to not knowing about it cos its secondary school stuff ...I see both sides of your argument and its just unfortunate that it falls down to you.

It sounds as if your dd's school are being unreasonable here, Laurie. You can't be the only parent with childcare issues - single mums with younger children, or one parent who can't make it home in time and the other one left to do the parents evening with no babysitter - so why is her school not letting parents bring the children with them??

My dses' school allows you to bring the children, and they can sit in on the interviews with the teachers too, which can be very helpful. I see parents with young children there too, so I assume they are allowed into the interviews as well.

Your dd's school needs to understand the realities of everyday life, and the problems many people have, juggling children, work and other committments such as parents evenings, and needs to rethink their policy.

Why don't you phone the school and speak to DD's Head of Year or equivalant? Explain your situation. They may be able to help you by gathering the relevant information from DD's teachers. It would then be a simple case of arranging a meeting with the Head of Year to get the feedback. This may even be possible during the school day.

equivalent...sorry

I imagine that your DH HAS to attend the parents' eve he has organised as it will probably be 'directed time' (i.e part of his contracted job).
Ask you dd's school if they can see you another time. They should do, especially as your DD is a 'looked after child'.
It's just another example of schools not being very family-friendly places to work.