read the email tell me if i am wrong pleae

[justsue]

Hi all,

After a very manic night I want to say my piece and maybe share some of the conversation's that I have had tonight!

Firstly, the email that Jackie sent earlier I agreed with 100%, dad needs some sort of comfort to live in. (Rather like eating food every day)!!!

Secondly: In hindsight Jackie mentioning the 5k was actually to help ME!!! maybe she should not of said it, but she has, get over it (could that be that it was out of sisterly love, ok not love lol), and do you truly believe (or rather you Julie) that she would not of consulted dad) I dont think so (in fact how that entered your head is mind blowing), and if you were thinking rationally right now you would think that to.

Bed: Why should a 80 year old man be made to sleep in a cheap and nasty bed for £99.00

Answer: Well he has been sleeping on the settee for years what makes the difference!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yeah mum did that did her the world of good I dont think)

Reply: Cos he is 80 and has dimentia and he is entitled to sleep in a comfortable bed!!

I dont want to get stupid text messages, they are not going to solve anything, throw any accusation that you like, water of a ducks back as far as I am concerned.

To be accused of going after his money, (cheap shot as far as I am concerned), well lets face It I knew that one was coming, didnt expect it quite so soon but there you go. ( I have walked the floor many a night and you know it).

I now have come to a desicion and this is what I am going to do:

I will go and see Dad a couple of times a week, take him food etc, I am no longer willing to take on the responsiblity of his sole carer and take him food shopping etc. Maybe you can fit that into your busy life Julie and like you have said, leave you to sort his finances, housing etc and good luck with that... Thats what you want and now you have it. Hopefully he wont leave it to the cats home, now that would be funny !!!! Oh yeah throwing the accusation right back at you

A couple of text messages I have received tonight read:

YOUR RIGHT I AM IN CONTROL OF THE FINANCES, THE ESTATE AGENTS, THE SOLICITORS AND NOW THE HOUSING AND YOU AND JACKIE SECRETLY RESENT THAT, SHAME YOU DIDNT GET OF YOUR ARSES A BIT QUICKER I WAS THE ONLY THAT DEALT WITH IT AT THE TIME AND NOW U DONT LIKE IT

WHY DONT U FUCKING STOP SHIT STIRRING (where did that come from)

(to which I replied I am only repeating what has been discussed ABOUT DAD)

Your losing control go to bed!

AT LEAST I SAW HIM IN THE LAST FIFTEEN YEARS NOW U FUCK OFF AND GO TO BED

charming: didnt even bother to reply to that one!!!

We are all guilty of not looking after him properly but lets face it we are all guilty of doing that to mum as well, what wonderful siblings we are, sorry harsh but true and now surely now this is about looking after a 80 year old man with dimentia and putting everything else aside.

LET HIM LIVE IN COMFORT FOR GODS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me get things clear in all your heads. I am not trying to look after him for MONEY I think we have a moral right to look after him. I would do that for any old person and in fact I do already.

So whoever wants to put Dad in CAPEL HOUSE ALL I CAN SAY IS DONT JUST DUMP HIM THERE THE FIRST NIGHT MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD STAY WITH HIM, THATS WHAT ME AND JACKIE WERE GOING TO DO, IN FACT WE JOKINGLY ARGUED THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE THE CHAIR BECAUSE SHE WAS THE SMALLEST BUT WITH THE FATTEST BACKSIDE!!!!! (you said it Jackie )

Sue

xx

Maybe you are right, I just live with visions of my mum sleeping in a chair for the last year of her life and it was not pretty

I think the only reason he has been sleeping on the sofa is because its a big old 3 bed house and he has been living downstairs, so the sofa was ideal maybe !

Maybe I should look into that then at least with the rest of the money I would be able to get a decent "old persons bed" meaning a decent matress etc, and some home comforts. Nothing in his house except for photo's etc are actually worth taking and are more suited to the rubbish dump and that is not said in a nasty way

I think maybe if your siblings stayed on whilst you went into care, they probably didn't have the space to mellow towards him. They might have had a shite time?

Just do what you can-and step away from the rest. He's an old man, and whether we like it or not we tend to reap what we sow.

Does your father's area have a Furniture Scheme? It might be worth contacting them to see if they can help, or going to the Salvation Army - they have secondhand furniture places around the country.

Sleeping on the sofa isn't that bad sometimes - I spent most of my last pg on the old "studio couch" (very old sofabed, the sort where the back goes flat to make a wide single bed) as it was far more comfy than our bed. My nan slept in a chair for the last few years of her life because she couldn't breathe properly if she lay flat - so it's not always a bad choice (Depends on the sofa, of course!). If your Dad has trouble getting up the stairs then a new bed for him might be a waste of money - maybe look at getting a better sofa that is long and wide enough for comfortable sleep.

Does your sister have Power of Attorney over your father's affairs? If she has it, and is the only one who does, then she is within her rights to do what she is doing, even if you don't agree with it.

Hope you get something sorted - families can be a complete nightmare over this sort of thing.