to cancel my parents evening appointment and speak to the head instead?

[Nixz]

Arrrghhh so angry.
Ive been a Teaching Assistant in primary schools for years and I am very aware of the impact 'pushy/interfering/in the class every 5 minutes' type mums can have on the way teachers view and treat the kids. So, I learned before my DD was of school age, to let the teachers get on with it unless I had serious concerns/important messages etc I didnt want any negative or over the top behaviours of mine to reflect on dd.

I feel like ive lost it tonight. DD's(9) behaviour has changed recently, there are a few things going on at home and she is a little out of sorts. Her behaviour in school has changed and she is always crying to the teacher saying she is ill/someone upset her etc etc and I think her concentration has gone out of the window and she is messing about a lot more. So, sanctions are being put in place, she is being sent to another class, staying in a playtime etc...all fine with me, consequences of her behaviour (although it would be nice to be informed of this by the teacher and not my dd) perhaps something is bothering her in school???
Anyway, I was very cross about 3 weeks ago, she was terrified of going to school as the teacher had told her (because she was giggling in class) that "tomorrow, you will go to the thinking room to think about how bad youve been." If dd is being cheeky, well thats naughty but the thing is, the teacher plucked this idea of a thinking room straight out of her bum and threatened my dd with it. Being the very sensitive yr4 girl she is, she was petrified of this room and lay in bed sobbing and whimpering through the night. I called the head the next day and he was very apologetic...obviously realised there was no such thing and my dd had been scared out of her wits and promptly sorted it out.
My dd came out of school today, sobbing and I could only get out of her that the teacher had shouted at her for being a cry baby and was going to send her back to reception class. Again, i didnt make too much fuss....until...one of the mums of a girl in dd's class, text me to ask if dd was ok. The girl in dd's class had reported to her mum that the teacher had told my dd to stand facing the door, when dd turned round, teacher has then made her stand with her nose touching the door, so she couldnt turn around anymore. I asked DD with careful prompts and she said the exact same thing as what I recvd in the text message.
I have seen red there seems to be a line that has been crossed. Having to lean and put her nose to a door must have been mortifying for her. Where does threatening, name calling and humiliation come into good teaching practise?

So, i'm going to cancel my appointment tomorrow evening (as the discussion is infront of other parents) and Im going to see the head at 8am, briefly explain my concerns and ask for a seperate appt.

Am i being unreasonable? A pushy mum? Or am I doing the right thing?

You need to get to the bottom of this, and a discussion with the Head would be my first reaction too. I certainly wouldn't want to discuss this with the teacher in front of other parents, so no, you would not be being unreasonable to cancel the appointment and see the Head instead.

I hope that you can get this sorted out satisfactorily.

Yeah, thats what I think!
Im just so horrified at the thought of my DD having to stand there, in that situation!

She has quite severe eczema and is a little eccentric...so has a few little self esteem issues. It must have been the worlds worst thing ever for her...I hope I can keep my emotions in order

you are doing the right thing

Nose touching the door?
That is ridiculous.

Not appropriate, even for complete PITA kids (not for a moment meaning your dd)

YANBU

YANBU - but the only thing that stands out from your post is that you've not seen the teacher about these incidents - why did you go straight to the head re the 'thinking room' remark? Might have been better to discuss this with the teacher in the first instance?

Personally, I would keep your appointment with the teacher tomorrow, have a short conversation about it. Then see the Head - it'll be more power to your elbow when you can tell the head that you've raised it with the teacher but weren't satisfied with the outcome.

Good luck. It really does sound awful of the teacher.

Its just so difficult to weigh up the balance of when to step in...and when to leave alone, incase you do more damage.

I dread to think of the impact it will have on DD though

Cirrhosis - I went straight to the Head re the 'thinking room' as I was on my way to work when I called and the Head answered my call, not sure if other staff where in school at the time and tbh, it was also because I didnt want to hear her excuses and take out any frustrations on DD, I was quite cross at the time (hopefully I didn't show it though!!)

I have this dilemma from time to time as I ta at the school my dc attend
I still think you are doing the right thing!

Thanks everyone!

I agree that you're doing the right thing. You seem very realistic about your daughter, rather than one of those parents who thinks their child can do no wrong. You accept that she can misbehave and that teachers need to deal with that - all fine. It seems to me that what's at issue is the insensitive and unprofessional way in which she's being dealt with, which is obviously causing her distress (and was noticeable enough for another child to tell their parent and that parent to contact you).

It's reasonable to expect the school to work with you as a partner on this. A friend of mine went recently to the head over concerns with a teacher. She was very apologetic about going to see him first and not talking to the teacher but his response was that when a child in the school is worried and upset then it doesn't matter how it's dealt with as long as it's dealt with. I hope you get a similar response.

You're not being unreasonable in the least. This sort of behaviour might have been common in schools years ago but it isn't accepted practice now and you have every reason to be upset and angry. A similar thing happened to my niece (a beautifully well behaved child with learning difficulties) - my sister was livid and spoke to the head immediately.

I agree with Cirrhosis that it may be an idea to raise it with the teacher first as schools normally give a 'stock reply' that an aggrieved parent must follow procedure. If you do, regardless of the outcome, you are then able to take it to the head without them being able to belittle your reaction.

I hope that you get this sorted and that you and your family see happier times very soon.

Sorry, we cross-posted.

How humiliating for your daughter - is the teacher getting to the end of her tether and not coping very well any more (not much of an excuse really)

Just wondering - was it the main door to the classroom? What if someone had opened the door?

Teacher is certifiably insane. You are absolutely right to see the Head.

Will keep you posted...thanks for your support!

It does seem that the teacher's ( who sounds a nightmare )sanctions /methods with your daughter aren't working - you should mention this.
Good luck today ,let us know how it goes - I wouldn't worry too mucg about not seeing teacher first ,tho perhaps strategic to mention that aspect to head when you talk .
Guess HT could have invited teacher to your meeting this am ?