to still not be up for any sexual relations 7months after having DS2?

[slightlystressed]

I don't remember it being that long with DS1.

My sex drive has vanished and I dont know if its ever coming back....

Oh I havnt denied DP for that long...he would have driven me mad! I just have no desire for it! But once I get going I enjoy it...I just want to want it again!

I totally sympathise and I don't think it's really a question of being U of NBU. I agree with Ruby too though. 'tis indeed a horse we all have to get back onto.

DS (DC2, 19 month age gap) is 8 months and we've only had sex a few times.I enjoy it when it happens but I've totally lost my mojo. It's hard to get back into it but it is very important, the lack of sex is really bad for my relationship with DP . I feel like I have plenty of excuses, not least having been pregnant, BF or pregnant and BF for the last 3 years, but that doesn't make our relationship any better. I hate seeing him so sad about it.

I'm sure if we had more sex I'd feel more like it IYSWIM.

Well just for a bit of variety...ds is 5.5 months and had no sex for about 7 months but me and my husband are getting on great. Feel like trying again but I'm feeling all sack like and mumsy. Anyway husband fine with it but he's never seemed that bothered about sex. If we have it he really enjoys it but if we don't we have lots of cuddles.

Thats nice snowflake, I wish my DP was like that unfortunatley he has a high sex drive, I met him when he was 19 and it hasn't really reduced now he's 33!

Most important factor in new or new-ish mother's regaining of mojo - is your H doing his share of the domestic work and childcare, and are you getting enough time off from both to remember that you are a person?

SGB is totally right!

Agree with ruby you just have to do it sometimes even if you don't really feel like it. frequency will boost your libido.

I speak as one who has a 4.5 month old ds and I need to get back on that horse again myself, the longer it goes the less i want it and the more dh and I argue.

I agree with SolidGoldBrass!

' is your H doing his share of the domestic work and childcare'

Agree with SGB here.

I'm sure my lack of libido was due to hidden resentment at the fact that he did little to help and that there is so little appreciation of childcare + housework. Oh and the tiredness.

Read a Black Lace book and get a break away from the children/house whenever you can - and, if all else fails, fake it.

Try reading Nancy Friday -My secret garden might get you thinking in the right direction

Fake tan and nice body lotion

Dcs away to grandparents overnight

Nice wine but not too much

But agree sometimes it gets so far down the list of priorities- DH knows he's gotto get to me before 10-30pm and week nights need lots of notice

I do think sometimes that just trying it can make you feel more like it. But totally agree with SGB. Could you have an agreement that you can 'book' a night where DH will deal with all children and bedtime stuff while you have a long hot bath and pamper yourself a bit then you can try the whole sex thing once you are a bit relaxed.

Get him to agree in advance that if you don't feel like it twenty minutes in then you will just try again another night without recriminations. But you might find once you start that you do feel like it really, not least because it's (hopefully) someone just trying to please you instead of grab a bit of you for themselves which is what the physical demands of children can sometimes feel like.