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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is it just sour grapes? (bit of an epic -sorry)

53 replies

igivein · 09/02/2010 11:59

Had ds registered to start at an independant school in reception in September. At the start of this school year I contacted the school and asked if there was anything I needed to be doing to prepare him, they said no,and that he'd be invited to come and spend a day in their nursery prior to starting.
I got a letter a couple of weeks back asking me to arrange for him to come in to the nursery to 'meet the children he will be starting reception with' (he's currently attending my workplace nursery which I'm more than happy with). I ring and make arrangements, and am told that he'll need wellies, fruit snack etc, I should settle him and then leave him, and that I'll be seeing the head teacher for a chat to give me a chance to ask any questions.
Anyhow, on the appointed day I drop him off, he runs in and starts playing, I give him a kiss and tell him to have fun. A couple of hours later I go back to pick him up, & he tells me he really likes it and it's been fun.
Then the head arrives with a sheaf of papers, which are the assessments they've done on him. I was a bit gobsmacked because there had been no mention of assessment.
She tells me that he's done really well at numeracy,colour and shape recognition,and that he's really articulate with 'super' social skills, but that she's really concerned about his literacy as he only recognizes one letter (the one his name starts with), and he should be much further on by this point (he's not quite three and a half). She says she'll reassess him in four weeks, but if he hasn't made significant progress by then she won't be able to accept him into the school, as he'd struggle too much and it wouldn't be fair on him.
I left in a complete daze, alternately furious that they'd assessed him without my knowledge or consent and upset that he's lagging so far behind his peers.
I contacted his nursery who said of course he wouldn't recognise letters, as they are using the 'letters and sounds' pack that is recommended by the government, and that the local LEA had told its nurseries that they shouldn't do any letter recognition or phonics, as that was for schools to teach in reception.
His keyworker was appalled at how he'd been treated, and told me he's not behind at all, in fact he's ahead of a lot of his peers. She spent an hour going through all the assessments they've done with him, and he does indeed appear to be ahead of the game. She said they've got all the Jolly Phonics resources at the nursery, but don't use them because the LEA said not to. She's drawn up a learning plan for him and started doing Jolly Phonics one to one with him, and he's picking it up really quickly, so he'd probably pass the reassessment with flying colours.
But we chose this school because it's quite small and presents itself as having an inclusive family atmosphere where pupils are encouraged to 'have a go'. When we went to look around it was all about allowing the child to develop at their own pace, producing well rounded individuals and not just about academic excellence. Although they did say that with class sizes no bigger than twelve it was fairly easy to 'bring them on' academically.
I do have concerns about him, because he's a late August baby, and will only be 4 and a few days when he starts reception, and I had hoped that this school would help him get over the 'handicap' of being so much younger than a lot of his peers, because they'd be able to give him extra attention.
My question is, am I being unreasonable in thinking this probably isn't the school for my son, or is it sour grapes because they said he wasn't up to scratch?
Thanks if you managed to get this far!

OP posts:
pagwatch · 09/02/2010 14:17

igivein

all private schools will assess your child - unless they are massively under subscribed in which case you may want to avoid anyway.

I would steer clear of this school too. The schools my DCs have attended have all done assessments but it has never included anything that could only be achieved through formal teaching IYSWIM.
DD was one of the oldest in her year group and whilst she could read her name I am pretty sure she didn't have any other letters. She was still offered a place and her school is ranked top fifty in the country.
The school you put him in for are being arses.

thedollyridesout · 09/02/2010 14:23

Are the Head of Nursery and the Head of the Pre Prep the same person? If not, it may be worth voicing your concerns to the Head of the Pre Prep. He/She may feel quite differently about the whole thing.

scrappydappydoo · 09/02/2010 14:40

Well putting the whole issue of the assessments aside. I would be very concerned about a school that has such high expectations at young age. Your son sounds lovely and very bright (my 4 yr old is due to start school in sept and doesn't know her letters either). My concern would be that if this is nursery/reception what about the rest of the school? Will things get more pressurised as they progress?
Also considering how worried you are now - do you think you can cope with this type of worry for his whole school career? i.e always thinking that he is catching up somehow.
I would look at other schools personally.

igivein · 09/02/2010 14:59

Sea trek I agree with you - I think I would like him to pass the assessment, then tell them that they haven't met my expectations, petty I know, but there you go!

Pagwatch you've hit the nail on the head, it's not so much the assessment I object to (although I massively object to the underhand way it was done), but they should be assessing his capacity to learn, rather than what he's already been taught.

TDRO The same head covers nursery and pre prep, so its her decision really. What am I saying! No it's not, it's my decision, and I think you've all helped me to make it.

OP posts:
thedollyridesout · 09/02/2010 15:53

Good for you igivein .

merrymum · 09/02/2010 16:14

Have you signed any paperwork regarding observations and assessments? they need your consent to carry these out.....and i agree with carrot, they are talking rubbish, bless him, hes still so little!!

pranma · 09/02/2010 18:37

My dgs is a very bright,articulate 3.5 year old who loves books and recognises about 6 words-his name,Mummy,Daddy,train,cat,and Grandma!However he only recognises a very few letters and I'm not sure about shapes!

aokay · 09/02/2010 19:46

our DD's attend local primary - very small school , both went to a montesoorir prior to that - both now reading and writing, very happy, aticulate and confident. Some montessori children went private, many went to our local primary - when we looked round we were struck by following; calm happy atmosphere, purposeful work/play - great facilities, fields, music etc, children happy and articulate, switched on, friendly head - personal recommendations. Have'nt looked back since tyey started and highly recommend - really think atmosphere of the school says it all. On a trivail note, blown away by brillaint nativity show (really young children with speaking roles, singing etc - all great and loved it). Also, terrific, committed PTA. Good luck with this - go with gut instinct.

thirtysomething · 09/02/2010 19:57

igivein I would be very sceptical about the perceived difference between how this school advertsises itself to future parents, and how it actually selects its pupils - it smacks of a school that will ultimately focus on targets and results to the detriment of all the other skills.

FWIW my DS now aged 11.5 couldn't recognise any letters other than his name when he started reception (also summer born child) or any numbers-his reception teacher said he was so uninterested in anything other than sand and water it wasn't worth attempting reading with him till year 1. we had a similar story in year 1 and I began to worry he would never catch up. then all of a sudden at the start of year 2 it all clicked - he went fom no reading to very fluent reading in a couple of weeks and is now at a highly selective secondary school - so i would say the Head's attitude to a 3.5 year old is not only underhand but also very limited in terms of assessing a child's future academic potential!

annh · 09/02/2010 19:57

Igivein, I'm not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but if your ds should be starting school in Sept this year, have you not already missed the deadline for state school applications - and indeed for independent ones too? So the head saying that she might not be able to "accept" your son could effectively leave him without a school place? Were you aware at all that this school was selective or was the first mention of assessments truly at this get-together?

GoldenTomato · 09/02/2010 20:15

Haven't read all the posts but am quite surprised by this.

My DS2 is a July baby and is currently in year 1 kindergarten of an independent. He was 'assessed' when he was 3 years 4 months for the reception but I knew it was going to happen and inreality was a bit of chat and play with the headmistress. He didn't recognise letters, couldn't write his name and I don't think could recognise numbers although his counting was very good. Although the HT mentioned these it wasn't a problem and she seemed more interested in his social skills and his interest in the world around him.

He is doing really well despite being one of the youngest in the class and his reading, writing and arithmatic came on in leaps and bounds once he started reception despite the fact that he told me all they did all day was 'play'.

I would be concerned at the negativity expressed at such a young child and I wouldn't want my child in that enviroment.

fledtoscotland · 09/02/2010 20:21

I would personally run as fast as you can from this place

I cant believe the really think its acceptable to a) assess a child without parental consent, b) assess a child so young or c) assess a child without giving a chance to prepare

The head doesnt sound to have much empathy with children

igivein · 10/02/2010 10:21

Just to reiterate, there had been no mention of assessment, I'd enquired if there would be any and been told no, and I'd signed nothing other than the cheque to reserve his place.
I think it's sad, because it had seemed such a nice and caring place, but I'm just about certain he won't be going there.
(DH is already deciding what he's going to spend the school fees on )
Annh the secretary at the state school I rang said they've not got their allocation from the LEA yet, but she's sure they will have a couple of places.

OP posts:
chocolaterabbit · 10/02/2010 10:43

FWIW, my DD is due to start in the nursery of what becomes a very academic senior school in Sept.

At the meeting with the head of the junior department I asked about reading and when they expected to start teaching it. I was told they don't start to teach to read until 5 i.e yr 1 because it is more important for children to play and get used to school/ each other until then and the best thing for parents is to read to them as much as possible.

That school sounds wrong and horrible.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 10/02/2010 11:40

I too would be running from that school as fast as poss. That's a very unprofessional and uninformed attitude they have there, to say nothing of 'assessing' your child without your knowledge or consent!

I hope the state school is good on Friday - let us know!

igivein · 10/02/2010 12:52

will do!

OP posts:
igivein · 15/02/2010 15:18

Visited the state school on Friday, it's lovely, it's also full. When they checked with the LEA they'd had a couple of applications from people who'd never been to look around the school.
Spent the weekend trawling websites and ofsted reports - most of the local schools seem like early years training camps for the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Don't know what to do now, I've really messed up and possibly ruined ds's education.
A friend said it's easier to transfer into a school later if you don't initially get a place - does anyone know if this is true?

OP posts:
stleger · 15/02/2010 15:31

My kids - three little darlings - have spent two terms away from where we live.Once in England, once in UK. Both times we were able to get them places in the local junior school for the term. So it is often easy enough to get in, as families move elsewhere. If it helps, my ds wouldn't have known any letters at three and a half,his sister would. But when we were in England, coming froma completely different system, he got 4 in his Sats (aged 11) after a week there. So if he is a bright child, he will learn! (I'd be making plans for the money saved too!)

pagwatch · 15/02/2010 15:34

yes. It often is easier to get in later, outside main intakes.
And you have the advantage of knowing if they have places before you apply IYSWIM

Morloth · 15/02/2010 15:34

I would run a mile - they sound mad.

Morloth · 15/02/2010 15:35

pagwatch DS's private school didn't do any assessments and there is a waiting list.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 15/02/2010 15:36

It would be enough to put me off the school tbh.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 15/02/2010 15:40

Ds2 and ds3's school is the same morloth. First to sign up gets the place (mind you they also happily take children with SN - rare for a private school - which was partly why we chose it).

Morloth · 15/02/2010 15:45

Yup, sounds the same saintly there are a couple of children with SN in DS's class, I think it is probably a great place for them because of the teacher/student ratio. About the only question I was asked was when I wanted him to start, had to wait a term until the later intake because they were full before that and when I could drop off the deposit cheque.

I pay them, they educate him and thus we are all happy with the transaction.

pagwatch · 15/02/2010 15:46

Morloth - I know, there is always a variation.

But I know a couple of schools locally who have a few vacanicies where they did not have sufficient children meet their assessment criteria and have a few gaps. It can vary hugely from year to year of course.

DDs class is only 15 and they can go up to 18. They had girls join in year one and at start of year two. The years either side of her are full. But also a friend who didn't get a place at her first choice pre-prep then re-applied at year one and got in as two children had moved.

I am just saying it can happen ( trying to be positive in face of OPs misery)

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