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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell my children that we need to keep one afternoon a week free, after school?

20 replies

onthepier · 08/02/2010 23:17

We're lucky to live on an estate where our children have friends very close by, all in walking distance. Normally the children all congregate at ours weekends and after school, sometimes at other people's houses.

My two are getting to the stage where an afternoon at home, just us, is unthinkable! Their friends are the same and they're constantly asking if they can come over after school and the odd time I say no, my two are normally invited to their houses.

It's got to the point though where homework is being rushed, mealtimes seem chaotic and rushed as we tend to tie in with when the family next door are eating, so the children can resume playing!

One day last week the children came home from school tired and wound up, homework needed doing and I really wanted them to have an early night (and have a quiet afternoon myself)! I told them they needed an afternoon/evening in, but I also wouldn't be having anybody in here that day. Well, my dd's friend knocked on the door wanting to come in, followed by my ds's friend inviting him over there. I said no to both, said the next day was fine but not today. Well, my dd was in tears, so was her friend, my ds's friend wouldn't take no for an answer but eventually did, and I felt awful! It did my two good though, early tea, early night and they were far more refreshed the next morning.

Anyone else in this position? I'd like to spend time with my dc's sometimes when they're not tired, ratty or hyped up from too long spent on computer games with their friends, "family time" doesn't seem to be an option though!

OP posts:
RedLeaves · 08/02/2010 23:46

YANBU.

Especially if you keep that day (or two) on certain days so that the dcs know that that day is a no playing day.

I think it's a fine idea. I have a similar thing but not as full-on as yours, and I feel sometimes that I just want it to be us, our family, not with others in changing the dynamic and usually, causing more fights!

Good luck.

MadamDeathstare · 09/02/2010 01:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/02/2010 07:43

You know YANBU. If it were me I would make certain days no- contact- with -anyone- once -you -come- home- from -school- days. Pick two, Monday and Thursday work in this flat and stick to them. Monday dd can start her home work and if it isn't finshed she can do it on Thursday ready to hand in on Friday. We are in a different positon to you, none of my dd's friends live near us so I have to either drive her to play with them or collect her.

overmydeadbody · 09/02/2010 07:46

Of course YANBU

You are in charge, enforce whatever rules you need to keep your sanity.

Hulababy · 09/02/2010 08:27

YANBU

DD was doing somethng every night at one point, and I put a stop to it. Was a logistically nightmare and just getting out of hand. So now we have a coupl of nights a week free again, and only one of them a week is used for having friends to play.

We also have a blanket ban on weekend activities, bar swimming at 9:30am. She does go to paries as and when they occur, but no regular activities. Weekends are our time as a family, nd we go away a lot for the weekend too.

chopstheduck · 09/02/2010 08:30

yanbu. We have fri as a family day and no playdates or activities are allowed. By the end of the week, I want to chill out, not be ferrying children around.

shockers · 09/02/2010 08:34

We have wednesdays 'off'. The DCs get to take turns choosing what we have for supper and we play a game together.

verytellytubby · 09/02/2010 10:02

I also make sure Fridays after school are kept free. Nice start to the weekend.

Morloth · 09/02/2010 10:11

YANBU, I grew up in a similar sort of group. The Mums made the rules. Usually we were able to be in and out but if a Mum said No, then that was that and off we went.

onthepier · 10/02/2010 16:58

Thanks for your replies! The other day it was chaos here after school, a couple of children from round the corner came in and there were non-stop arguments with none of them agreeing on what they wanted to do. They were very reluctant to go home when it was my two's meal time, whined and whined about coming back afterwards but I stayed firm and said no!

I've now said to my dc's that we're going to keep one, maybe two afternoons a week free just for my own sanity, well you'd think I'd said their friends weren't allowed in at all from their reaction! They've now said their friends think I'm horrible and are very upset, even though I've said they can come in and out the rest of the time! I know I'm not being mean at all, I live here as well as I've pointed out to the children, my dh says they're too used to everything workng around them.

Funny enough though, there's a school play on tonight and most of the children in the street are involved. My ds, being in a different year is at home with me though and he seems to be enjoying the peace!

OP posts:
issysmilkbottle · 10/02/2010 20:32

how old are your dc?

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/02/2010 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onthepier · 10/02/2010 22:42

My children are 10 and 6, Issys.

OP posts:
displayuntilbestbefore · 10/02/2010 22:44

YANBU at all.
It is exhausting to be busy every day after school and good for the dcs to have a bit of home time IMO.

issysmilkbottle · 10/02/2010 23:27

ah, i can emphasise with you, my ds is ten too... Boys that age are really getting into socialising, i have a constant trail of kids calling for ds, usually as i'm bfing dd... If ds isnt out playing he's chatting on msn to the girls in his class but he's not happy as i make him come in when its getting dark and netnanny limits his time on the computer!

Ds also does hockey one evening and cubs another (soon to be sea scouts), saling april onwards one night and he also wants drum lessons so we're gonna have to implemenT a quiet night too....

AmericanHag · 10/02/2010 23:50

YANBU at all. In fact, you've been very, very patient all this time.

And I'm a bit about your dc's friends thinking you're an ogre. At 10 and 6, your kids may have been dramatizing that conversation just a tad. Even if their friends DO think you're a witch...good! Now they won't want to come around all the time. Yay!

Don't give in! I actually think that one afternoon w/out visitors or playdates isn't enough. Personally, I'd make Mondays and Fridays off limits.

Casmama · 11/02/2010 00:19

Sounds like a great idea. Would it help to maybe have a chat with mums of your dcs friends. I don't mean that you have to explain yourself but if they know where you are coming from they can reinforce to their children. You never know they may feel the same and you could all end up with a free friday night as everyones parents have kept them in!

onthepier · 11/02/2010 16:28

Thanks Casmama, I was having coffee with one of the parents the other day and mentioned it. She more or less put the onus on me, said that if I always say yes when her ds comes round, how is he to know when it's not really convenient?

I see her point, but her ds in particular can't seem to take no for an answer, if I say no then it's, "Can I just play in your garden then, can you bring me a biscuit?"! On and on and on he goes, I suppose the thing is to just shut the door once I've said the first "No"!

She says he isn't a "pesterer", just needs firm boundaries! His younger brother is only two though and very willful, I'll have my work cut out once he's able to cross the road on his own too!

I suggested my friend texts me when her son wants to come over and if it's not convenient I can let her know, she looked a bit at this but it's up to me, my house!!

OP posts:
onthepier · 11/02/2010 16:28

Thanks Casmama, I was having coffee with one of the parents the other day and mentioned it. She more or less put the onus on me, said that if I always say yes when her ds comes round, how is he to know when it's not really convenient?

I see her point, but her ds in particular can't seem to take no for an answer, if I say no then it's, "Can I just play in your garden then, can you bring me a biscuit?"! On and on and on he goes, I suppose the thing is to just shut the door once I've said the first "No"!

She says he isn't a "pesterer", just needs firm boundaries! His younger brother is only two though and very willful, I'll have my work cut out once he's able to cross the road on his own too!

I suggested my friend texts me when her son wants to come over and if it's not convenient I can let her know, she looked a bit at this but it's up to me, my house!!

OP posts:
onthepier · 11/02/2010 16:29

Whoops, posted twice!

OP posts:
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