to think SIL should have got in touch by now?

[Coldhands]

It was my DS's 2nd birthday last week. We had a party with friends and close family. We asked my SIL a little while ago and as usual she said nothing. I had a feeling where this was going but gave her the benefit of the doubt.

2 weeks before the party, DH helped her move, we didn't mention the party. The week before DH bumped into her in town and he asked her if she was coming. He got a vague "dunno yet". He sent a text a couple of days before and we heard nothing. We spoke to MIL on the morning of the party and she asked if we had heard from SIL, DH said no. SIL had told MIL she was busy. Not even a text to us or a FB message. Nothing. A week later we haven't heard and not even a card for our DS. Apprently she told DH before that she did have a voucher for DS (I think this was when DH helped her move).

I know DS is only 2 and he doesn't know any different, but we do. I said to DH that he should text her and say "you could of let us know". He says he doesn't want to waste the credit and he wouldn't be that polite. Good IMHO. She didn't even acknowledge DS (or me) at xmas when we saw her for an hour before she left family party to go shopping. She lives in the same city as us, but she can't even be bothered to stick a card in the post or send a text. I know I probably am being a bit U, but it pisses me off.

Maybe there is a bit more going on? Is she jealous in some way? Does she have any DC of her own?
What is she like in other areas, did you get on well before you had your DS?
Her behaviour sounds a bit weird to me.

She doesn't have any DCs, and I wouldn't say she is maternal. She recently joined a FB group called 'I hate children'. She always said she would have 1, when she was 30, she is nearly 31 and just moved from a 2 bed house to 1 bed flat and starting a new job so I don't think she is looking to have children atm. Also she asked MIL before when she was planning on retiring so MIL could look after her child while she worked. MIL said she wouldn't do that so SIL turned around and said "well I can't have children then can I!"

Gosh she sounds like a spoilt brat

Your SIL sounds delightful

My SIL is as spoilt as yours with the difference that she has got children.
It is a no win battle I am afraid. I treat her in the same way as she treats us. This does not mean I want to throttle her at times.
YANBU!!

I can see that a childless (not interested in children) SiL might not think that a 2 year old's birthday party was at the top of her list of things she wanted to do. However it is very rude not to at least reply to your invitation and make some vague comment such as "hope he has a good birthday".

i think the facebook group says it all really! if she was not your SIL would you even bother with her? I would TRIM, dont invite her to anything, and when you see her be polite and brief, you cant get on with everyone at the end of the day

Sounds abit like my brother in SIL!

My DD's halloween party(we didn't do a 2nd birthday party as we were in process of moving house) their dd would have been nearly 4months old, we had 6 other babies the same age coming along......they said initially they were coming along when we mentioned it to them!

So roll out invites sent out (Brother said send an invite as they wanted one, SIL said don't worry we'll be there!- so sent one anyway!) Had a RSVP date, didn't respond, the week before I txt then got a no we can't make it no explaination....despite them knowing about it and initially saying they were coming 2months in advanced!!!!

Now I don't stress about it! I think it they can't be asked then sod 'em they didn't even send a birthday card/text/email/fb message etc...I know they are skint but both have contract mobiles so a text would have cost nothing! My DN is just 7months old now and I'm so tempted to "forget" her birthday but I can't stoop that low/it falls on my wedding anniversary anyway! For me it is worse as my MIL is nosey and hates my family so always asks what everyone got DD for her birthday etc....as she likes to ensure she spends the most/is the most showy offy!

I totally agree with porcamiseria. If she's making it clear she's not interested, then be polite, but there's no point taking things further.

Loving "DH won't text her as he doesn't want to waste the credit".

My SIL completely ignored the birth of my son in August. Don't think i could ever speak to her again to be honest, although I do think she has issues re not having children. She adored my DD who is 7, but has now cut all contact and ignored her birthday and christmas. Her loss!

I was exhausted yesterday and my post didn;t make any sense I now realise.

What I meant was that my SIL is awful to us as well and a spoilt brat. Always has been and always will be. After many a rifts and arguments between the families and non invites etc I have risen above now for the sake of my children being able to play with hers and my dh who even though thinks along the line of your dh still prefers to see her occasionally than not speak to her at all.

This does ot mean I don't want to strangle her and throw her in a river!

pennyrain It took my SIL 2 weeks to come over when we had DS, she stayed for an hour (not actually talking about baby or anything) held him for 5 minutes, then they had to go shopping (they seem to do a lot of that ). I think she sees DS twice a year and one of those times is at family for xmas. Actually one of the times is DS's birthday so maybe we are now down to once a year. I am actually surprised that DS knows who she is, he must just have a very good memory.

It is her loss as (I know I am biased) but my DS is a lovely little boy. My cousins adore him and always want to see him. I just thought a card wasn't too much trouble. I did say to DH next time I'm not going to bother inviting her. Like some others above said, I will be polite when I have to see her (which thankfully is pretty rare now [smile).

She sounds like a wholly unappealing character. Why would you want to involve her in your lives? Remind your dh about this nasty behaviour next time she wants him to help her move house.

She's just not that into you.

Shrug it off and forget about her.

yanbu but I wouldn't waste any more effort.
My sil lives 8 miles down the road, we never see her, she makes no effort with our kids even though hers virtually live here (my almost as bad, bro leaves them here)

So I would stop feeling obliged, it's a lot less effort. Relatives eh?

yanbu, but she clearly has ishoos... Tis her loss not yours.

Don't let it get to you. Don't make any allowances for her rudeness, if you want to talk about your DC, talk about him, don't let her cloud any of your familiy's enjoyment just because she has some sort of chip on her shoulder about kids.

Next time, to be polite, if you feel so inclined, go ahead and invite her, but also make the point by saying, "I know it's not your thing, and we wouldn't expect you to come, but on the miraculous off chance that you would like to join our family celebration for your nephew, it's at such and such a time on such and such a date."

She sounds a miserable old cow and certainly of no loss to you or your family.

You are right groundhogs. She is a miserable cow. She even begrudges buying her mum a mothers day card as "cards are a waste of money" but went mad when she didn't have wedding cards waiting on her doormat when she went off to America to get married without telling anyone.

It is no loss, she brings me down if I have to see her, I find her depressing company (and her DH who is getting worse the longer he is with her). Luckily I think DH feels the same way.

Grrrr, now she has finally got around to texting DH asking if we are going to the supermarket soon so we can go and pick up DS's card. Lazy cow, who won't see this but I'm going to say it anyway, GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND DROP IT HERE YOURSELF YOU LAZY GIT. YOU DRIVE, YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT GETTING A CHILD READY JUST TO POP OUT SO IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO MUCH TROUBLE REALLY!!!!

Sorry, just needed a bit of a rant.

My SIL has seen my eldest once in 4 yrs when he was 1 week old. She has not seen his little brother. Never phones/ texts/emails, never sends them cards etc... But she was straight on the phone to mummy to ask why I haven't sent her a birthday card/ gift the year I missed her birthday cos' I was in hospital..... I do love her dearly but I now refuse to chase around after her.... I mean she's 42.

She sounds delightful , fuck it why would you want her at you DS's b-day party anyway, she sounds like a spoiled miserable jizz rag.

If i were you i would just say exactly what you mean to her, this is probably bad advice but how dare she treat you and your son this way, she sounds like a very selfish person and if she was my sil i would tell her as it is. Its not like you are going to see her often so just go for it. She is a rude selfish person who cannot acknowledge her nephews birthday.... do you send her cards/gifts for her birthday? if you do i wouldnt bother anymore, see how she likes it! I would definately have to say something! dont let your Dh do it cause it wont get done! goodluck :O

Thanks daisychainz I wish I could but I am a wimp . I will make it clear that I am not happy though the next time I see her. We send a card for her birthday and get chocolates at xmas. DH better not bother now though!

Wigglesworth "she sounds like a spoiled miserable jizz rag". Really really made me smile!