to think ds's dad should buy his son his own clothes if he wants him to look "nice" in a photo shoot?

[astragirl]

Dad doesn't live with us and has ds (2) to stay with him once a fortnight. Yesterday, he asked us if we could make sure ds has some nice clothes as he wants him to look good for a professional photo shoot next time. We always make an effort to pack nice clothes when ds visits his dad! He pays £200/month maintenance, but has never bought ds any clothes himself (but presumably he's bought him some toys to play with at his house). AIBU to think if he wants him to look good that he should go out & buy his own bloody clothes?

YANBU - My DD stays with Dad every weekend and has a wardrobe at his house and mine. Surely Ds's dad has clothes for him there, if not why doesn't he treat him to something nice if it is a professional photoshoot?

No - he has no clothes for him there. Won't even buy a special set of PJs. But that's our thought - if he can afford a photo shoot (and he's getting himself some nice clothes for it), he should be able to treat ds to a special top too!

I agree with you. Pack what you normally pack and tell him if it's not what he wants, then by all means he should feel free to buy his son an outfit. You won't be at all cross if he feels the need to contribute to his son's wardrobe.

A child takes more than £400 a month (of which his £200 is his half) to raise (incl the roof over his head, heat in his home, water to bathe in, food to eat, a holiday, clothes, school trips, dinner money, pocket money, christmas and birthday gifts, parties....) So he's being an arse to think £200 a month is everything he ever needs to contribute to his child.

Dd's dad was like this and his mother used to send dd's clothes home shrunk or burnt by the iron, as you can imagine I got very annoyed and told him to sort himself out and buy some clothes himself to ruin.
To wind your ds's dad up I would send him in clothes used for gardening or something like that so he would have to buy him something, that's just me though

YANBU

My xp doesn't buy any clothes for our 3 dc. I had to provide pj's for them to keep there and then I found out that he was only washing them now and again

Words were had, and now he does at least stick them in the wash once a week.

YANBU. At all. My parents split when I was eight, and after a few weeks of trotting clothes to my dad's house once a fortnight, they both agreed that my Dad would buy some clothes for us to wear at his house. My dad used to grumble a little at my mum's stinginess, but to be fair, that was because she sent him bills for his half of a packet of pencils, a tube of glue etc., near enough every September when the school year started up again. He never begrudged buying us clothes, and actually used to let us have a say in what we got, which was more than my mum ever did.

If your DS's dad is forking out £200 for a photo shoot, then I doubt he's struggling financially. A new top and pair of trousers shouldn't be at all too much to ask. And as you've said, you always pack nice clothes, so if he wants something special, that's up to him.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! When my 3-year-old niece stays with her Dad (my brother) her mum packs various bits and bobs but my brother has supplies at his place for her too e.g. pyjamas, toys, books, slippers, clothes in fact he asked if we'd give her new things for keeping at his for Christmas so that she did have special stuff for when she was with Daddy.

Could you ask him if he'd prefer jeans/trousers and pack those but say now that your son's Dad will need to buy a new top to go with them to complete the outfit (and match whatever he chooses to buy himself!). Alternatively you could suggest that he buy your son a couple of outfits which would be suitable for the photograph and could be kept at his place so he always has something chosen by Daddy at Daddy's place.

Photoshoots aren't necessarily expensive - we did one recently with our DDs which was free and included a free photo - but if he shops around nor are outfits for small children!